Friends and readers.
Heard the one about the young mother who went into Scotmid, got stuck in the queue and came out a grandmother. Or the one about Henry 2 jobs Houdini Coyle our local dedicated Housing manager who was actually caught doing something for the Community. These and more legends from the Forth are born to give us a laugh although both in Scotmids case and 2 jobs coyle there is more than a grain of truth in both.
But dear friends and there is always a but the laughs don’t stop there, for as quick as you can say shell suit along comes once again the ace chancers with their outdoor swimming pool, oops sorry Lido and added delights, yes dear friends supported by the Labour loving NEN it’s our old friends the Granton Sur Mer brigade, with our old mate and rusty car driver hidden in the shadows Ross I’m your buddy McEwan. Our mate Ross an expert in just about every subject he cares to drone on about, actually we think our mate Ross gets a mention in the doomsday book, how apt.
Along with his disciples in the Granton improvement society their aim is to gleam as much taxpayers cash as they can, offer us mana from heaven then tell us we are lucky to have them in our midst, Hmm don’t think so. But dear friends the comedy show dosen’t stop there, oh yes the mirth continues in the form of our freedom fighter and Neighbourhood manager Pete the perm Strong whose value to the deoderant industry is priceless. Sucks reader Pete is determined to do all he can to make sure that only the chosen few are represented at the top table where they can break bread last supper like and share out the spoils of selected democracy.
In this task he is robustly supported by our very own dog fouling czar Cammy squint tie Day, the resident chair of the Partnership. Cammy and his ageing band of philistines are keen to close ranks and pontificate about the need to spread the word, we have two for them but as we are a family website we couldn’t possibly print them. And just as you think the laughs couldn’t get any better along comes the very aptly named DOG [Development Options Group] whose secrecy rivals that of area 51 in the Nevada Desert. We don’t think that DOG has captured a flying saucer but they certainly don’t let the cat out of the bag when it comes to Community accountability.
Their secrecy is ledgendary, nobody really knows what they do, who is involved in it and why on earth it is needed, and of course who is the leading light in their little cabal, why it’s our old mate and avid sucks reader Henry 2 jobs Houdini Coyle. There will be of course a couple of head nodding Community reps involved but they will be vastly outnumbered by this official led nonsense. DOG is nothing more than an exercise in job justification and a poor one at that. Let us move on dear friends to another exercise in a classic comedy piece, that being the proposel to build a handful of houses in Muirhouse and then take 9 years to build them.
You just couldn’t make this shit up. Of course our mate Cammy fully endorses this comic venture, but clearly hasn’t thought it through, so here we go Cammy. 715 houses in 9 years, yes 9 years, to be undertaken by a firm based in Ayrshire with the cost being around the 42million pound mark, how’s that for value for dosh and we don’t think. By the time they are built it will be time to demolish them again. Next we will be told they are planning to build a Tram Track down sunny Muirhouse way, AHH WHERE’S THE TRAMADOL. The very thought of having Prada’s face plastered everywhere would be to much to take.
There is enough material to have a Walt Disney remake of Fantasia or even better Snow White and the seven Twats, auditions coming to a center near you shortly. Plenty of candidates for the role of Snow White and just as many for the seven twats. Talking of twats and you can have your wide and varied choice, but there is no-one who comes close to claiming the top prize more than our old mate, regular sucks reader, pretty much chair of everything, inspired Tram champion, pot hole supremo, flag waving unionist Forth Estuary board chair and now alongside the dirty tricks, desperate potential Labour candidate for Leith and North Edinburgh, yes the one and only thank God Lesley Prada Hinds Harvey Nic’s favourite shopper.
Pilton Sucks just loves our oldest mate Lesley whose blunders are legendary and rightfully takes her place alongside the all time top chancers who have graced our Community. Much has been said and written about our oldest mate but without our Lesley we would never have had half of the laughs that we have enjoyed. Nobody fucks it up like our Lesley, she is in a class of her own and boy do we appreciate the mileage that our bestest mate has given us all.
Weather you are enjoying a toilet free bus trip to Inverness or enjoying what’s left of the vanishing green space of Forth, or are for the hell of it spending your hard earned dosh in the quality free shops of the rarified atmosphere of the infamous Drylaw shopping center and we use that word loosely, you can delight in the exploits of Comrade Hinds. Don’t leave us for the glamour and bigger wages of Holyrood Lesley, Don’t dip your nose further in the trough, stay with the plebians and grace us with your words of wisdom. How on earth would the peoples favourite web site Pilton Sucks fill the gap you would leave.