Monthly Archives: November 2013

Achilles V Hector

Friends and readers.

The Iliad tells us that Achilles slew Hector during the siege of Troy and that Paris slew Achilles after Troy’s walls were breached, shooting him through the heel with an arrow. This dear friends is how legends are made.

We come now to our own bit of legend making, and yes our very own Achilles heel, the dreaded hugely expensive, will never pay for itself, most disruptive piece of nonsense in Edinburgh’s long history, yes dear friends the monstrous and ill advised, not wanted Tram system. The propaganda machine has kicked into gear with reports of investment in our City center all due to the still idle Trams. While investment is most needed and very welcome, our own investigations reveal it’s got little or nothing to do with the coming of the Tram.

Very much like the Trojan Horse the Tram is being gently brought into the city heralding a victory for those who conceived the idea in the first place, pronouncing the Gods are happy and money will pour into the City on the back of such a wondrous momentous happening. Crap total crap and that’s putting it mildly. The hundreds of millions that this rubbish has cost to date will never be recuperated not in this century. We are to be sold this utopian view that everybody and that’s the majority who complained about this project were wrong and misguided in their view.

So we were all wrong and the obscene amount of money spent on this needless project was worth it, certainly was for the contractor who lead the City a merry dance and laughed all the way to the central bank in Frankfurt. Those who conceived the idea will disappear but we will be left with a legacy of debt and disruption. So the legend is written, we the people were fooled by a horseless carriage, an expensive one, but did or could do nothing about it. For those that came up with the idea obscurity beckons, for those who have to live with it debt is all around us. Pity Homer wasn’t around to witness it.


Friends and readers.

It appears our prat of the year has proved popular and is being copied by a couple of other sites. A site in Washington America requested permission to copy our format and we are delighted to agree and a British based blogsite has also requested use of our format and have agreed that also. They have also requested a joint blogsite which we did not wish to follow up at this stage.

Accordingly Pilton Sucks will remain independent free of control by anybody but it’s authors. Although the offer made to us was an attractive one we declined. It was apparent that they wished to use our authors on a number of issues they were involved in, but it was felt that Pilton Sucks is unique in it’s writing and wish to stay that way for the time being. We are flattered that our writers were wanted to contribute to other topical issues using our own slant, but that said thanks but no thanks.

Back to business. Our prat of the year contest is hotting up and our surprise leader is still out in front but not by much. We have at the moment received 286 votes and you still have until the 20th December to cast yours if you have not already done so. Some votes have come from outside the City so one or two of the candidates are clearly well known for their industrious work and are being recognised for said work. For those who wish to vote and haven’t as yet you can vote for anyone you choose, who you feel merits this prestigious award. We will announce the result at 5pm December 20th

The Sugar Pavilion

Friends and readers.

Once upon a long time ago Plato used geometric examples to explain philosophical concepts. Now we just get treated like mushrooms, kept in the dark and fed bullshit. The economy remains dangerously near the cliff edge despite the Tory protestations of everything in the garden now looking like it’s just had a bucket load of manure.

While the wealthy have had the benefits of a tax cut, and employers able with ease to force workers to accept low or no wage rise, utility companies with even greater ease able to comprehensively put up the price of heating and lighting putting many people into the danger zone of choosing between heating and eating and not a peep from the Government or the official opposition other than a few platitudes and meaningless sound bites.

We are truly very near if not already there were the few do all right and the rest pay for it. At one time it was 7:84 where 7% owned 84% of the wealth, now who could argue it’s back to that position or worse. For those in difficult financial circumstances facing further hardship will put them into meltdown and may never be able to come up for air again regardless of who is in power.

The new elite who have surfaced under this administration are systematic of the new greed boom which has emerged during Tory rule. They don’t care, don’t give a damn about the many who are feeling pain as the ultimate goal of a low wage low skill economy is within sight, where the skills if required can be imported cheaply or the work subbed out to countries who treat their workforce like slaves.

Anyone under 20 could face a future of no real opportunities and a lifetime of drudgery with careers restricted to the privileged while the rest scramble around for what’s left. Do we borrow now when interest rates are low and invest in the countries biggest asset , it’s population. Interest rates are low and governments can normally get an even better rate, or do we continue on the present path where many will not survive the wrath of austerity and ultimately all will suffer from this blinkered path.

It’s clearly obvious the present course is unable to be sustained without the necessary measures to squash the oxygen supply from any alternative that may come to the fore. This in effect is the next stage of the Tory economic plan. Create a desert and cut off the water supply, making it virtually impossible for anyone else to irrigate the land without massive upheaval and massive investment. This if you are a conspiracy theorist allows the desert creators to give the impression that there’s is the only way and anything else is just a mirage thereby giving the impression through fear of much worse if they are not re-elected.

Union power is all but gone, so the work force is defenceless against the will of those employers who would use and abuse staff. The Tories wish to leave or completely water down the convention for human rights which would virtually guarantee that all would be at the mercy of the markets which would be manipulated in the favour of those who see people as a commodity to be utilised then chucked away and replaced by another one. Fritz Lang’s unforgettable visualization of the future, Metropolis gave us a view of what this kind of future would hold for the average citizen. Orwell wrote that the quickest way to end a war was to lose it, and many are now losing the war for financial survival.

The financial plan now in full flight was not a back of the hand idea, it was a deep seated hatred of the proletariat by the right wing establishment, who seen their position threatened by a population not content to allow the few to own the much, so they fought back and contrived to create a financial con trick which allowed the gates of austerity to fully swing open and then they jammed them open, allowing only their version of who should be allowed through, creating a new elite that have become the voice through which they could justify their policy of financial genocide.

Put simply it’s the old divide and rule routine, just revamped with a new title, austerity. Most economists worth their salt and who are prepared to put their head above the parapet will tell you that the only way to succeed is to invest in the country and not rape it of all it’s values, thereby allowing people to comfortably spend in the economy, creating a circle of wealth which allows prosperity to be spread around instead of in the hands of the few.

When will we ever learn that a right wing philosophy is designed to strangle a population until it submits to the stranglers will. We are being strangled and the strange thing is we probably know it but with strangulation comes apathy, and a reluctance to fight back just in case it gets worse. Want a good example look at the victims of domestic violence, frightened to fight back in case it gets worse. A policy that indeed works as the perpetrator goes in harder until someone stands up to them. This is what we must do to change our headlong dive to oblivion.

Slippin And A Slidin

Friends and readers.

It’s getting near to that time again when we will be sliding all over the place as the pavements are never gritted and we are left to fend for ourselves. But dear friends there is another hidden danger lying beneath, the frozen dog poo[where's Cammy when you need him]

Forth the capital of Dog poo kingdom despite or is spite of our mate Cammy’s hands off approach will once again offer the local punters yet another exercise in vigilance as they take to the pavements and streets during deepest winter. Not only will there be limited daylight with which to try and negotiate the treacherous iced up pavements but passing motorists, many who seem to take no account of the conditions throwing up shards of glass like ice in the direction of the poor pedestrian.

Anyone who has stood waiting on a bus during these conditions will have experienced our friendly LRT drivers who seem to take great delight in spraying the waiting commuter with all sorts of gunge including the dreaded dog poo[where's Cammy when you need him] The bus stop opposite the awful shops of Drylaw in Ferry Road is particularly bad for the commuter getting bombarded by all sorts of gunk from the caring LRT Drivers. We think they have a competition to see who can cover the punters with most gunge, and the winner gets a carved bronze statue depicting some poor bastard getting covered in shit.

There are no particular hot spots we can warn you about but take dutiful care if you are strolling through Pilton Park minding your own business, for it’s almost certain that you will step in something hardish possibly frozen which when you are indoors will thaw out and reveal itself as the dreaded dog poo[where's Cammy when you need him] You can of course carry a sharpish stick to prod the ground in front of you as you walk gingerly over the frozen wasteland, or stay indoors and wait for the thaw, but whichever method you choose to combat the hidden dog poo, don’t let the kids or grandkids grab a handful of snow to chuck at each other as you never know what they might pick up.

Good luck fellow citizens as the snow and ice inevitably come and all the delights that come with it.                Continue reading


Friends and readers.

Votes are coming in for our prat of the year competition, and our surprise early leader is still out in front. Several new candidates have entered the race to win this coveted prize so it’s all to play for.

To our pleasant surprise we have had a couple of votes from overseas, even though they don’t know the CV’s of the candidates. So get your vote cast for your favoured candidate, you have until the 20th December.


Rouge Et Blanc

Friends and readers.

Pilton Sucks as always has it’s finger on the pulse ever alert to the shenanigans and corridor whispers of the latest goings on, and we have heard a little gem of a whisper which our enthusiasm to tell you will wait not a moment longer.

As yet unconfirmed but we have heard this from a reasonably reliable source who has given us good stuff before so we were chuffed to bits to hear this cracker.It appears dear friends that the Scottish Labour party executive have been alerted to a possible problem within the Leith and North Edinburgh Labour Party  regarding selection proceedures.

Well, well, well what a surprise. Pilton Sucks alerted our wide and growing readership some time back that there were voices of concern coming from within their ranks. With our old mate and regular sucks reader Malcolm Chisholm MSP standing down there has been an unseemly rush to grab the vacancy, which has resulted in what you might say is a little less than fair play. Nothing new for the comrades, they are always at it having perfected the art of backstabbing.

We are told that a little local difficulty has arisen between Councillors Blacklock and would you believe it our old mate, regular sucks reader, pretty much chair of everything, inspired Tram champion, pothole supremo, flag waving unionist and Forth Estuary board chair, where does she get the time, Lesley Prada Hinds our very own catwalk queen. We do not have the full gory details as the comrades have clammed up but if our old mate Lesley is involved then nothing would surprise Pilton Sucks.

Our old mate and avid sucks reader Lesley is desperate to shake off the mantel of Local Authority Politics and jump on the express gravy train to Holyrood. At least she was not in charge of building that particular mode of transport. Our Lesley has had a few cracks at dumping her Councillor ball and chain as she feels that her particular talents would be appreciated and better paid plus expenses within the corridors of power down Holyrood way.

But knowing our old mate she is not beyond a little gerrymandering when it comes to self interest, and according to the whispers emanating from down Leith way our Lesley has once again put both feet in it, again something that doesn’t surprise Pilton Sucks, as she’s pretty much perfected that art as well. Surely we don’t have another version of the Falkirk disgrace on our hands. Our source tells us that the comrades have been tearing lumps out of each other in an attempt to make sure their hose is first past the post.

Wonder if our mate and regular sucks reader Malcolm is having second thoughts about retiring, as he to be fair had a decent personal vote and is respected by his political opponents, some of which are in his own party. Much has changed since a rather aloof Malcolm was first elected, since then he has become a respected local figure and has built up a good constituency base working hard and trying his best to do the right thing.

That all so easily could be lost as the comrades do battle to take his place. We watch with interest.

The Curse Of Fenrick

Friends and readers.

The trials have started. The repair budget is down to one million pounds even though it’s not in service yet. Prada Hinds is basking in the zillions that it has cost, and Santa hasn’t even arrived yet, but it won’t be on a Tram. Yes dear friends it’s ready to kick off but not till spring 2014, maybe, depends, might be. The drivers are being trained to drive our glorious new transportation, just a few yards, day after day, can’t think of anything more exciting, possibly standing in the Scotmid queue just edges it but there’s nothing in it.

The streets are starting to return to normal, but we have all aged somewhat in this cost a fortune travesty. Oh and don’t forget the artwork that will line the streets to ease the passengers journey, as they sit on a million pound carriage. At least we will be able to tell the story of the day a city was conned out of a fortune and taken to the cleaners by a German company that ran rings round our noble leaders. Of course there will now come the propaganda exercise telling us how stupid we all were to doubt the validity of this exercise in budget suicide.

A fool and their money are easily parted, and what a cauldron of fools we had here. Politicians are here today gone tomorrow unless you have like Edinburgh  the misfortune to have the queen of bling Prada hinds in your ranks. But we will have to live with the legacy of a needless, grossly expensive, white elephant 45mph bottomless pit of cash draining total waste of time. That’s just the good news, we still have an enquiry to go through examining who fucked up and how often. Why the trough got bigger as more snouts dipped into it, and why are we paying someone a small fortune for nothing. Bet Mr. Craig loves the Trams it gives him a nice little earner for doing what? but he won’t care, that’s his pension safely topped up.

But hey what’s all the moaning about. We will soon have Xmas to distract the punters and for a short time we can all live in a fantasy of Santa and Bing Crosby. Edinburgh will become once again the king of swing as all the party revellers, who lead miserable lives with shitty jobs spend money they can’t afford on overpriced crap and queue at bars that rub their hands together as they stick their prices up and put Xmas in front of everything to justify it.

So the misery and incompetence, the vast waste of money, the endless time it has taken, the mugs we have become putting up with it all, can be forgotten as the revellers with one too many overly expensive watered down alcohol of some kind or another, can get pissed take in the lights of the city wander down to the city center and trip over those bloody Tram Tracks. Make mine a double.

Poachers Hide Behind Trees

Friends and readers.

What gives you a good giggle, hope Pilton Sucks does, we do try. Could it be by magic that the Forth ward has been infiltrated over the years and we can go back many of them, by poachers, chancers, carpetbaggers, and various assorted and somewhat dubious individuals who have set themselves up as the best thing since sliced bread, with all the answers and how we have been so stupid not to know that, and we have been waiting for these geniuses to grace us with their presence.

One visitor to Pilton Sucks summed it up in four words, they never go away. How right he was and is. We have had a right old giggle at some of these later day messiahs and saviour of communities, only for them to get what they wanted in the first place, bugger off and leave the place the way they found it. But there are always the few good hearted or self interested punters that go for the hard sell in a big way, ”Yeah this is good for you all, you just don’t know it yet”. If we have heard that line once we have heard it numerous times, we just nod in disbelief.

These fully paid up flat earth society members, have gold dust sprinkling from their fingertips, only it’s tatty glitter but looks the part. Aye and Santa likes a bit of cake and a warm drink after he has squeezed down your chimney, that’s if you have one. Glossy brochuers, presentations, easy money projects if only the taxpayers stummped up, promises of jobs and investment, just buy into the idea. We have seen and heard it all, and what is it really all about. Without sounding a tad cynical, it’s about the quick buck and the quicker the better and if you can get a few punters to back this or that stupid going nowhere scheme all the better.

If it wasn’t so funny it would be serious. Pilton Sucks associates meet normally on a Sunday and go over all the titbits and sometimes we cannot talk for laughter, cynical laughter we have to say, as the hospitality of the meeting place knows no bounds and experiences are exchanged and heads are shaken, with the heard it all before, and here we go again. Nothing is as funny as a chancer trying their hand and then trying to convince punters that’s it’s a goer. It’s almost that they have it tattooed on their foreheads.

We can change your lives, we can bring prosperity to you all, we can give you that Riviera touch and enhance your lives beyond recognition, there’s no limitations to our brilliance, it’s just you punters don’t know it yet. Yep the story never changes, sometimes the sentences are rearranged and the faces change but the script is always the same, roll up roll up and get the opportunity of a lifetime, we can make it happen and it will only cost you——-, yeah that’s the bit where it breaks down a bit and the if’s and but’s creep in.

But where would we be without these johnny come lately’s, who bring a little sunshine into our communities, at a cost of course, we just never get to know how much.


Friends and readers

Our competition for prat of the year has started and the votes have started to come in.

we won’t give the game away but there a surprise early front runner. It’s early days so we anticipate a few changes at the top of the leader board.

Remember there is still plenty of time to vote as the poll closes on Friday 20th December at 12 noon.

Keats And The Diamond Dogs

Friends and readers.

The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need people who can dream of things that never were.

The meaningless mumblings of party politicians about the medicine that the citizens of this nation need to take in order that the problems of the nation can be cured, problems we may add that were caused by the greed and stupidity of the few backed by the incompetence and shared greed of those we elect to look after the nations assets, is mindless as it is the easy route out of a massive problem.

Suffer the poor and vulnerable  and the children to follow as the worlds economies adjust to the new economic realities, realities that are forced upon us by those who colluded with the guilty, and are now rapidly making their populations pay the price of greed which has no parallel. The headless chickens who now tell us that we must face years of austerity, is simply something to say in place of, we fucked up and you lot are going to pay the cost of it all.

Have the guilty been punished? No anything but. Have the guilty owned up to their crimes? No and won’t. Is there any opposition to this policy of right wing economic genocide on those least protected? Not that you would notice. And it’s no use those that think they are immune or ignore the suffering that many are going through and that many more will. Those that think their fat salaries and fatter pension schemes protect them are but living in a fools paradise.

Yes in the short term you can close your curtains and lock your gates, and kid yourself on that nothing has changed, but we need a population working and paying their taxes and at ease with themselves otherwise we become more divided than we clearly already are. To bring it home clearly to those that don’t get it or choose not to, let’s make it easy for you. The price of a loaf of bread for the deprived communities in and around North Edinburgh, is the same for our more well heeled neighbours of the rose petalled suburban delights of Barton, Crammond, Ravelston and of course Murrayfield.

We bear no malice to these people but this is the ignorance of privilege, where conversations consist of, ‘ Of course there are plenty of Jobs’ ‘what poverty are they talking about’ and more shit just like that. The plenty of jobs mirage is put about by an illusion of persuasion. If you say something long enough it starts to be believed. The poverty of heating or eating is here right now, and not one jot of interest from those greedy utility companies, backed by the Government, powerless and gutless to do anything about it.

And what do these parasitic vultures who operate these killing machines that disguise themselves as power distributing companies offer as an excuse ” we need to invest in the infrastructure” complete bullshit and lies. Blame this, blame that but the profits still continue to roll in. This pompous condescending it’s my ball so you will do what I want mentality seems to be in large quantities within these utility companies, and their so called senior employees past and present

Gutless spineless jobsworth fatheads backed by their mirror  images  in government, while the rest of us pick up the tab. The gangsters that sold off  these assets in the first place are guilty of crimes against the nation. Now our attention is being distracted by the con of Xmas, more money more expense more misery despite what the adverts tell us. Yet shortly after this one day in the year when we are supposed to spend money we really cannot afford, the fuel bills will come through the letter box and the threats that come with them should we be unable to pay them which many will.

Our society is massively divided, and the gap continues to grow as do those caught in the poverty trap. Our services continue to be cut, our wages continue to fall behind price increases, real jobs are few and far between, and our youngsters are unaware of the world around them, many having never read a book or know what’s going on outside their own world, and are the next generation of victims, with no knowledge of how to combat that.

So we hope our well heeled and just as ignorant neighbours enjoy their comfy cushioned lives and continue to enjoy what luxuries they have. We would like to bring this post to a close with a thought we have, you may find it something to think about.