Monthly Archives: May 2014

Who Me.

Friends and readers.

Time is ripe for an inquiry into the disaster of the Tram System. Of course it won’t happen as too many names would be in the frame for making a mess of what nobody wanted in the first place. Labour with the advice of former Chief Executive and complete buffoon Tom Aitchison signed up for this crap, and it hit the buffers from day one. Supposedly watertight contracts were leaking like a sieve and the lawyers who approved them should be the first ones charged with incompetence.

Not one person involved had any experience whatsoever in this type of major undertaking but still that did not prevent these egotists from plunging in at the deep end. Advice also came for the people involved with the construction of the Dublin Tram System, a system that our bestest mate and avid sucks reader, pretty much chair of everything and now trying to escape to the trough of Holyrood Lesley Prada Hinds was inspired by. Advice that suggested that the City’s estimate of the cost was wide of the mark and so it proved to be, advice that was ignored.

Years overdue and massively over any kind of budget some of the fools that were involved are no longer around but that should not prevent them being called to account for their actions. Prada tells that all the paperwork is available, course it is, and that she would welcome any inquiry but it is up to the Scottish Government,  well let’s take her up on that kind offer.Interesting to note that the chair of everything hadn’t a clue herself about this kind of project and presided over her fair share of disasters. The thought of Prada being elected to Holyrood is too awful to contemplate and would without doubt condemn the constituency to oblivion.

Already the creeping virus of cronyism is creeping back and can be seen quite clearly within the Forth Ward with the self interest mob raising their heads again although in different clothing. We have been informed of a move to try and capture by stealth control of any development which may occur. We are aware of this and who is behind it and will monitor the situation. This has come about by the collapse of the neighbourhood partnership which lead to a number of serious allegations being made in a face to face meeting with the former Director of Services for Communities Mark Turley.

No doubt they will be swept under the carpet which in itself is a scandal. So not only is an inquiry needed to bring to account those guilty of total mismanagement and gross waste of public money in the Tram debacle, but an inquiry led by an outside agency into who is up to what within the Forth Ward is also overdue and needs before it gets out of hand. Pilton sucks would be more than willing to co-operate with an independent inquiry, which would show exactly the direction the Ward is going in.

Time will tell whether any type of inquiry takes place but we advise our wide and growing readership not to hold their breaths waiting.


All Inclusive

Friends and readers.

A  reliable source within Edinburgh City Council has contacted us to report a shocking abuse of taxpayers money. Our source has asked not to be named for fear of being targeted by his employers, we will respect his wishes and not name him, but it is a shameful situation that abuse of taxpayers money has to be leaked out secretly. We have verified his story and we bring it to our wide and growing readership. Let us be quite clear, Pilton Sucks will not be threatened, intimidated or bullied by third rate politicians or some brain dead officials. It has been tried but we will not be silenced.

Our source tells us and we have as we say verified it that 60,000 pounds of taxpayers money has been spent by one department to send officials on little short of holidays abroad. These junkets include trips to China, Canada and the Middle East. The breakdown of the costs is as follows.

44,000 pounds on 42 trips

16,000 pounds on drinks meals and accommodation.

These trips are made under the cloak of attracting investors to the City, but we have since found out that no investment has come from any of these trips. This complete abuse of taxpayers money comes at a time when services are under threat and buildings including Schools are crumbling. The usual shit was the reply that we got from the Council. We were told that these visits are needed to attract investment, pure crap and lies.

This is an absolute scandal and shows that either the politicians are in league with this abuse, or couldn’t give a dam. We demand answers as to why in times of austerity that this flagrant abuse of taxpayers money is sanctioned, and forget telling us that it attracts investment, we have already heard that shit. We hope that this scandal hits the media and serious questions are asked about who authorised what at the taxpayers expense.

We are on record as saying that most of these lazy work shy officials would never make it in the real world so hide in the Council and get well paid for it. Pilton Sucks will find out who these junketeers were and we will name and shame them. But the real shame lies with those elected to protect the public purse from being abused. They have consistently failed to do that, and simply don’t have a handle on what’s going on, or worse still couldn’t care less. Pilton Sucks will use it’s voice to bring to public attention those who abuse the public purse and lie about why they do it.

These disgusting wasters are robbing the taxpayer and then what makes it worse they get away with it, time and time again. They run rings around inexperienced job shy part time Politicians who are to busy scrambling about trying to up their own wages, to pay attention to what’s going on under their nose. We elect these punters to make sure the interests of our citizens are protected, not to santion a flagrant abuse of taxpayers money. Disgraceful absolutely disgraceful. Let’s see if the head honcho Sue 3 jobs Bruce does anything about it or will she be to busy feathering her own nest.

You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet

Friends and readers.

As predicted by almost everybody including Nicky boy Clegg the Lib Dems got their asses felt in the local elections down south. Not quite extinct but slowly going the way of the Dodo the treacherous Lib Dems are getting what they deserve, having supported without as much  a whimper of objection, the policies of destruction as implemented by the Bullingdon Boys. It was embarrassing watching them trying to defend the indefensible, and even a half hearted attempt at rebellion won’t fool the punters and their days as a political force are inevitably almost over.

The biggest laugh is some of these misfits now want to replace Clegg with that other useless sod Vince Cable, he’s the muppet who sold off the Royal Mail on the cheap with most of the shares going to pals of the Tories,  this chancer couldn’t head a bus queue never mind lead a political party. Far be it from Pilton Sucks to join in with their misery but it would be foolhardy to ditch Clegg, but by all means do your worst, this lot probably deserve some nit wit like Cable, he suits the role of pied piper.

So while we all rightfully laugh at the deserved demise of Cleggs clowns, let’s not get carried away on a tide of euphoria, the Tories are still in power, still hell bent on crucifying the poor and vulnerable, and still have no opposition. Labour have been wetting themselves over the election results, but if you discount London then they done badly. But since they think London is the center of the Socialist world, where the Guardian is used for everything including wiping their asses, which is all it’s good for, then they can kid themselves on that they all but have the keys to number 10, but lest ye forget you still have Ed as your Geronimo and he ain’t cutting the mustard.

Ed’s radio interview was a classic and should be kept for posterity. He bumbled and stumbled into a trap laid by a radio interviewer who mustn’t have been able to believe his luck, add that to his expertise in what things cost then you have a buffoon of the highest order. This guy hasn’t a clue about what is going on in the average persons life and quite honestly he doesn’t give a damn, but then you could say that about the lot of them, but this clown wants to be Prime Minister, and stranger things have happened. But this chancer would need a miracle of biblical proportions to get elected.

The Labour party has been lost to jokers like Miliband, don’t know, don’t care, and can’t stand the punters that this once honourable Party was brought about to serve. Just look at the main players in this cabal, Miliband, Balls, Harmen, and their secret weapon and the next chosen son once they dump Miliband Chuka Umunna, another job shy wonder, why does the Labour Party attract these chancers. This once honourable party now past even the dishonourable status has to be reclaimed by those that have a working knowledge of ordinary peoples lives, and have at least had a real job.

then came Dave, we’re all in it together, Cameron. Bring in a few of your Bullingdon pals make sure that the rest at least were educated at Eton, and bingo the elites are back and abusing power. Don’t know what they have to gloat about, they lost big time as well. But we got the usual patronising crap churned out, ”it’s a mid term protest” First of all there’s only a year to go before the General Election, so it’s not even close to mid-term, so much for a private education. So what does Dave do apart from panic, why he goes on a charm offensive, comes down from his ivory tower, dettol in hand and shakes hands with the ordinaries cos someone told him it was a good idea, and the voters like to see their betters.

Didn’t save him from a bit of a drubbing, and the now louder murmers of discontent. But Dave is the incumbent and we should learn the lessons of history, where there is a bad Tory leader there is a worst Labour one, oh dear. Then dear friends along came Nigel. Nigel has a simple message, vote for me cos the rest are shit, hard to argue with, but we will try. UKIP did well over the piece but still have a patchy coverage, but well done for trying and putting the wind up the political classes, and judging by the shit coming down on his head he succeeded in flapping the ass cheeks of the establishment Parties.

UKIP’s message is pretty simple, let’s get to fuck out of the EU because they are shafting us and taking fortunes from us while they do it. Don’t see any of the EU lovies refusing to share a platform with him, oh no because he attracts a crowd and politicians love nothing more than a crowd, and very few of them manage to attract anything more than one man and his dog. Farage is a bit like a Delorean Car, promises a lot but the fucking thing won’t start. But that aside he is a breath of fresh air and brings in people who have lost all faith in politics and politicians, and that must be a good thing.

We will see if he and his lot last the course, one word of advice, dump the brown envelop king Neil Hamilton, he doesn’t even trust himself. Well that’s it for now folks, with the Euro results still to come and the establishment parties shitting themselves worrying about how well UKIP will do and how badly they will do. No doubt they will have their excuses ready. But before we go let’s not forget Scotland, the land of 6 mep’s where the SNP are hoping to win a third seat as is Labour, big advantage for the SNP is they don’t have Derek Munn as a candidate, so there’s a plus. Does anybody apart from the anoraks care, probably not. Not long to wait now, oh the excitement of it all.

Steve’s Hiding In The Long Grass.

Friends and readers.

Once upon a time we had the Clean Green and Safe action group which was envied Nation Wide. Then our mate and avid Sucks reader Cammy squint tie Day got his hands on it and hey presto it disappeared, along with the budget and the accountability and the odd bit of consultation. We at Pilton Sucks were pleasantly surprised with the good work carried out by this action group, and even better that it made officials accountable for their actions or lack of it.

But as we said Cammy and his sidekick Pete[formerly the perm]Strong got to work on it and got rid of it, we heard so it could be more democratic, oh aye. So we ask some simple questions, what became of the budget, what became of the Enviromental budget, and what has happened subsequently to the Enviromental improvements that were carried out or were the responsibility of the dedicated jokers at West Pilton Gardens.

So with that in mind a few of us took a walk round the neighbourhood and seen for ourselves the neglect that has taken the place of  the action group. Overgrown corner sights, dog shit everywhere, bins have been removed and nothing put in their place. And as we walked up Boswall Drive we could see the long grass in the park which looks like it has not been cut since last year. That dear friends is the more democracy that was talked about. So we contacted the local office at West Pilton Gardens, and were put on hold for a while, then as we listened to the most awful music for what seemed to be an eternity, so long in fact that we were going to ask for a care package as it seemed we would be hanging on for ever, a voice came on the other end of the phone with some bullshit that even she clearly didn’t believe.

So let’s go right to the heart of the problem and would you believe it one of our old mates and Sucks reader is the punter in charge of this mess, it’s Stevie Hiding in the long Grass Cuthill, a man who has an excuse for everything even before any questions are asked. Of course our Stevie wasn’t available, we understand he was too busy eating Ice Cream in Victoria Park, and admiring all the improvements he was responsible for, that’s in the Trinity end of the Ward of course, not deep in the heart of dog poo laden Granton.

Our Stevie is well known for burning the midnight oil thinking up new innovative excuses for doing nothing but making it sound like he’s rushed off his tootsies servicing the punters in the poor end of the Ward. But Stevies biggest break was the dismantling of the Clean Green and Safe action Group where he had to account for his inactions, having to lie down in a darkened room afterwards to recuperate. But our old mate Stevie now has much more time on his hands to add to his book of excuses and to read Pilton Sucks of course.

So where has all the dosh gone Stevie because it certainly isn’t getting spent in this neck of the woods. We called the local office again only to be told that our Stevie was on holiday. Rumour has it he was on a grass cutting course.

Magnetic Attraction

Friends and readers.

Pilton Sucks has managed to get the glossy magazine which is posted to all City employees. The wonderfully named Magnet is a glossy full coloured propaganda exercise, which paints the Council as all things to all people, which includes on page 3 ironically, a message from on high by our all smiling and no wonder head honcho Sue 3 jobs Bruce. We got Issue 10 which which places it’s birth around the time the comrades sneaked back into office.

Now while this may be a good thing depending on your view of how scarce resources should be spent, we question exactly how much this glossy mag costs and the postage costs of course. We can of course ask for an FOI[freedom of information] but it won’t be cheap and this after the row over the Outlook which went out to everybody, and the row over the cost of Community Newspapers. We are all for punters being kept informed about how our people friendly Council works in our interests, which if put into print would at best take up a couple of paragraphs, but is this the wisest use of dosh, given that it’s all good news which we know is not true, as Local Government is under attack in general.

There is a lovely piece of propaganda on Edinburgh’s shame, the budget bursting Tram System. But as is our super Council they have come up with another new idea which had been shortened to BOLD [Better Outcomes through Learner Delivery]. We have another one to add to their collection TIT’s [Totally Incompetent Twit's]

National Disgrace

Friends and readers.

As we or those that are interested get caught up in the hype of the yes no debate over Scottish Independence, Pilton Sucks would like to draw our wide and growing readerships attention to what has been up to now our hidden national disgrace.

How many of you know who owns what in Scotland and how much? Not many we guess so let us put you out of your quizzical misery. A little known organisation called the land reform group has released a report suggesting the Scottish Government set a limit on the total amount of land in Scotland that can be held by a private landowner or single beneficial interest.

Let Pilton Sucks take this a step further and give you some shocking figures. Scotland covers around 20 million acres of land, of which a fifth belongs to the 20 biggest landowners. The archaic structures which allows this is a shameful hidden privilege of the elites,  owning and controlling one fifth of all the land is worse than dreadfully wrong. Pilton Sucks is happy to publish the names of some of these robber barons who are insulated against any vote on independence in fact they couldn’t give a damn, and just see it as a diversion to keep the plebs happy, as it won’t affect their wealth and power.













There are more, but this gives you an idea of how much land is in the hands of the few. Nobody wants or can do anything about this, so if independence is to have any real impact on peoples lives then we must have control of this land so it can be used in the interests of all not in the interests of the few. But you all know well that this won’t happen, so we miss the vital ingredient in the independence debate. Common ownership of this disgraceful situation can convert declining areas into vibrant communities ripe for business growth.

But dear friends the communities revolution frightens the political classes and landlords who are desperate to cling on to their privileged position, and so it will be glossed over and pushed to one side. The present Government in Scotland have an opportunity to address this archaic bullshit and after all it is their Land Reform Group which is asking for action. The other party’s in Scotland don’t want to know. The Tories are in bed with these robber baron landlords. The Labour Party don’t give a toss and want to sit at the top table with these relics of the past. Forget about the Lib Dems, they can’t agree on what day it is and will soon become another relic of the past.

We are asked to vote yes to the status quo when it comes to the privileged owning a fifth of all Scotlands land, and we have not seen this fact printed in any literature, and we challenge the yes campaign to prove us wrong, they can’t but feel free. It’s the major weakness in their argument and no-one within that campaign has had the courage to mention it or had any idea what to do about it. We have a generation of homeless people crying out for somewhere to live, and we have all this land doing virtually nothing except making and hoarding money for the few elites who think they have some divine right to own this land.

Pilton Sucks are no armchair revolutionaries but we can see clearly the same old jokers holding on to their inherited privileges claiming under some law that they themselves invented and backed up by a judicial system owned by these punters as well, making any yes vote nothing more than an itch to these landowners. If you vote no then you vote to cement the position of these parasites so weigh it up carefully as the no camp don’t mention this disgrace in any of their literature either, but then they wouldn’t would they as they support the established order.

So Labour, the Tories and the Lib-Dems,  all who know about these facts we have printed but won’t tell you or even mention it support the retention of this stinking rotting carcase of a nation that allows this medieval ownership to continue without as much as a tut tut. Useless bastards who only want to dip their nose in the public trough and fuck everybody else. We are surrounded by these philistines who would steal the sugar out of your tea and then come back for the milk. This disgrace has to be addressed or at least talked about, what is everybody afraid of, possibly offending these robber barons, fuck them. This land is our land but it is owned by faceless individuals who use it as a huge tax dodge and personal indulgence.

In all the debates and arguments up to date whether on TV or in public arenas, this subject has never even been mentioned, which more than suggests the chattering classes don’t want you to know anything about it and neither side have any desire to address this massive deficit in democracy. Once again the electorate is not getting the full picture, once again we are asked to take a decision without knowing the reality of what we are taking a decision on. Once again we see the faces of either side and read their propaganda promising and threatening overtones of voting one way or another. So what is going to happen to the privileged land owning elite who live off the fat of the land if we vote yes, well at least let’s open up the discussion and see who runs for cover. And if we vote no what happens then. Well that’s simple nothing changes and the political classes protect their benefactors.

Once more we see the stupidity of voting for people that have never touched real life and have no understanding of what is required to produce a level playing field. These elitists who just laugh it all off as, the plebs having a nosebleed, realise that the chances are the mugs will vote no and retain the status quo, handing them another 100 years or so of untouchable privilege. What fuckin mugs we are. but what on earth can we do, if we vote yes then there is a remote possibility that it might be brought up in conversation, but that’s about it. If we vote no, then forget it, no discussion, no debate. Hobsons choice, but it’s your choice.

What Now

Friends and readers.

The votes are in and most of the results have been declared,  with the knicker wetting Euro elections results still to come, the excitement is almost overwhelming. So what do we have, hmm let’s see.

The Tories took some losses but must be pleased that they didn’t get slaughtered, shows you how stupid some punters can be. The Lib-Dems got a stuffing despite the spin they put on it, and clearly are getting the blame for siding with the Tories, nice call Nick. Labour didn’t make the ground they should have and still face an almost impossible task to win a General Election, although their only saving grace is that the Election is still a year off.

Unfortunately Labour still don’t get it. They have banished anyone who has had a real job, and are merely a middle of the road party,  ever so slightly left but only when it rains. When will they learn that that middle ground is saturated with more Guardian readers than there is voters, and must return to a left of center party that actually knows what it means to have a job, and know the cost of the weekly shop, eh Ed.

UKIP made the expected good showing and makes things interesting, and may stop these political class anorak types carping on about voting UKIP being a protest vote, they should realise that this upsets the voters and treats them like morons. The moronic element is reserved for those that don’t bother to vote, and then moan about their lot. Don’t vote, won’t vote then there’s an argument that those that don’t take part in the process should lose any rights and privileges that go with casting your franchise.

That’s for another day, and we still have the Euro results to come. Up here in bonny Ecosse we return 6 MEP’s to the Brussels gravy train. And it’s here that UKIP are trying to get their foot in the Scottish door, and it appears they have a shouting chance. And when we looked at the list, lo and behold we came across Labour’s candidate Derek Munn. Sucks knew this chancer when he was three stones lighter. He’s been hanging around for years like a bad smell, yet another job shy wonder. We remember Munn when he was hawking himself around in the old Leith Constituency, and when he couldn’t make any ground there he jumped on the Scottish devolution debate, looking for every opportunity to get his self heard. These ass holes never go away and justs magnifies why Labour has sunk to almost also rans, the party has been hi-jacked by Munn and his wooly Jerseyed work shy chancers.

The SNP’s candidate to try and capture a third Euro seat  is Chelsea born Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh, former member of the Labour Party, former member and candidate in Glasgow Govan for the Tory party, and now fancies something to do in her spare time so is now an SNP Euro Candidate, this girl gets around, was there not any other long time members of the SNP who hadn’t jumped from party to party who wanted a shot a at Europe, rather than a modern day carpetbagger.

Tories don’t have a hope so won’t bother with that lot.

Then comes camouflaged as a decent chap, weekend soldier Dave Coburn, who is UKIP’s great white hope. Dave who served his country at the weekend as a territorial soldier is now according to his leaflet, an International freight forwarding business owner, what the fuck is that. Dave better known for ripping off students when he ran some sort of language school is tipped to do well and could possibly win and when you see the other candidates it’s not surprising.

So there’s the choice, God help us. An English born former Tory, former Labourite standing for the SNP.  The Labour candidate who advertises himself as a public affairs expert, who has never had a real job and has at last given himself a chance to banish the word work from his vocabulary and catch the last gravy train to Brussels. And last and least the UKIP candidate Dave snipper Coburn  whose chequered background makes him an ideal political candidate, he’s a crook. One of these three will win the disputed third seat.

Goodness gracious what ever happened to ordinary working people getting a chance to stand for election. If it wasn’t so sad it would be funny. Isn’t it clear why politics has become distant from the people they kid on to represent. One of these three will win and that will be that. You will never hear from them again and they will live a nice comfortable existence only ever surfacing if they have to. When oh when will we all realise that politics belongs to the people and has been stolen like everything else by the work shy know all’s who fancy a well paid cushy number, where lying is expected and dashing peoples expectations is the order of the day.

You won’t have to wait long to be disappointed. Only the rosette wearing anoraks will be joyous should their horse win. And what of the winning horse, why they will gallop off into the sunset via the yellow brick road and into the sweet smelling Euro ladden all expenses paid accountable to no-one, with two fingers thrust up in the air to the mugs that handed it to them.

All Change Then Nothing Changes

Friends and readers.

As some of you might know or even give a dam, there have been several changes at the exclusive Forth Neighbourhood Partnership. What was once seen as a shining example of inclusion it’s now a joke and the subject of what we are told is an investigation, but you can take that with a pinch of salt. Any accountability or consultation is now the bare minimum and is purely used as a box ticking exercise.

The Pete and Cammy double act have made such a mess of things that it might as well not be there, and that just might be the thinking as the comrades hate any type of consultation or inclusion, and prefer the old fashioned methods of decision making, behind closed doors and presented as a done deal , and were the minutes of the next meeting will be given to you as you leave the room. We are informed by a reliable source that serious allegations were made to the now suspended and scapegoated Mr. call me Mark Turley, about the mis management and politicalisation of the Partnership.

What becomes of these allegations is anybody’s guess but the smart money say’s they will be buried to avoid any embarrassment. We understand that 3 jobs Bruce is also aware of the mismanagement problems so we can confidently predict nothing will happen. Labour locally are running the show and nobody would know that they are in coalition with the SNP, in fact the SNP are completely invisible which will come back to haunt them. It seems in the unseemly scramble for committee allowances they have lost the touch that convinced people they were worthy of their trust.

If they are not careful the SNP will fall into the same trap Labour have been in for years, and be seen as just another bunch of workshy politicians who can’t be trusted and have to rely on a core vote to get support. Unfortunately Labour still have a bigger core support but they have abused that to such an extent that nobody would trust them with outright control of the administration, although you would think they had it given the lack of any kind of voice from the SNP. So dear friends you can see how Cammy and Pete can get away with it, no opposition.

We have spoken to a number of people who didn’t even know there was a Forth Neighbourhood Partnership, and amongst those who did know they were of the same opinion that it’s getting back to the bad old days of decisions taken in private and a jobs for the boy’s mentality, no accountability or consultation, and as for inclusion, as long as you have Labour sympathies you will be okay, if not then you take your chance with the rest of the excluded

Selective Memory

Friends and readers.

We note that Eric the teeth Milligan is celebrating 40 years of public service, or as some have been saying, nearly 40 years of managing to avoid a real job. We applaud Mr. Milligans ability to avoid having to join all the other drones in the real world of work. We did notice however that there’s a gap in his memory, so we at Pilton Sucks are happy to remind him.

During his period as Chair of the finance Committee, no surprise surprise it wasn’t Prada Hinds, when Lothian Regional Council was in existence and the comrades were using it as their own kingdom, he pushed through massive rates increases, 100% in two years, no Eric we haven’t forgotten, and when Sucks was but a twinkle in the authors eyes we were involved in what infamously became.” the great rates debate” remember know Eric. And let us remind our toothy grinning designer revolutionary that it almost brought the city to it’s knees as the comrades went on a spending spree.

Was it spent in the poor areas of Edinburgh, why of course not, we remained the poor relations, only good enough to elect job shy labourites, who proceeded to consolidate their position by giving their pals jobs, who became sleepers until the next election or when they wanted something. We were governed locally by a bunch of chancers, not much different now, and they abused their positions by bullying local people who dared think they might like to get involved in local politics, and God forbid without a party card.

Yes we were around then and can testify to the abuses that went on locally and who benefitted,  it certainly wasn’t the punters unless they were card carrying members or ass lickers and there was a few of each. What Milligans financial nightmare produced was more jobs for the boys and a mire of bureaucracy, which we still live with. We fully support the fair redistribution of wealth, not the hammering the poor took under Milligaands  stewardship, where housing in the schemes remained scandalous, were the comrades took the votes and ran, leaving a trail of broken dreams and empty promises.

There are only a few left to tell the tale and we are some of the few. Jobs for the boys as long as they done the comrades dirty work locally, non existent inclusion, bullying, intimidation, and a show of hands when it came to voting, so the comrades could see if they had any opposition. Yes we remember it well, and how the regional Council became a private club where you could not get a job unless you knew somebody who knew somebody else, certainly not based on ability, we can see now the amount of clowns at senior level who wouldn’t get the time of day in the real world.

So congratulation Eric you survived all that, and forgot to remind the punters of what it was really like when you were lording it over the plebs. Thank god those day’s are over, we hope.

Beast Of Burden

Friends and readers.

Chaucer wrote of Cantebury tales, while Pilton Sucks writes of Granton tales and beyond. Will we be read many years from now, who knows, but let us not look to hard at the crystal ball and let us concentrate on a tale more recent than Chaucer,  a tale of yes or no and a date with destiny. Soon we will be charged with deciding whether we stay or go. Do we stay with the established order which throws us scrapes that we scavenge over and an established order that the political classes would have us believe saves us from ourselves should we vote to go our own way.

Bombarded with leaflets and newspapers blinding us with figures and statistics, both sides selling us a package of what life would be like should we vote in a particular way . But through all this serious stuff which constantly comes at us from every angle,  there is moments of mirth, one of which we would like to tell you of. Both sides were out and about in the Kirkgate on Saturday frightening the voters, looking for babies to kiss and hands to shake. weighed down with leaflets and balloons [ the inflatable one's] our die hards went to war trying to outstrip each other in the great referendum giveaway.

The yes campaign came team handed with bodies appearing from every doorway and their blue bags packed with goodies, and the odd racing section. Lead by the overly ambitious Rob gis a job Munn our yesies got down to their task. Get them signed up is the rallying call, but some of our Leith Punters are cautious that they may be nabbed for their backdated Community Charge, or get nabbed by the Bruoo as they did a bit of moonlighting. So one or two wide boys made for the nearest pub to take in the Scottish Cup Final on the big screen, leaving enough time to nip across to the Bookies to have a quick punt on the outcome.

And lo and behold as a few of our gambling scholars were studying the form, a low key meeting was being held in the corner by the no team. Amongst the pinned up pages of the Sporting life with the backdrop of the tannoy commenting on the first race from Hackney dogs our small band of Unionists led by 3 in fact there was only three stalwarts of the peoples party. Malcolm Chisholm who was occupied trying to work out the odds for the cup final, Mark twinkle toes Lazarowicz who couldn’t quite figure out his selections for the scoop six. He was dazzled that it had rolled over to ten million quid, and he was day dreaming as to what he would do with all that dosh should he win the jackpot. Then last but not least, not in her own mind anyway was Vicki the hat Redpath who was responsible for carrying all the literature, including her own copy of millinery weekly.

Several punters had already taken fright at the thought of being canvassed while losing their dosh on some dog that had been fed a couple of Greggs pies before it was put in the trap, so they opted for a quick dash to the boozer and sanctuary.  Malcolm had betted on Hibs staying up, aye aye and he wants punters to vote no. Mark having given up on trying to work out the scoop six opted for a four horse rollup, each way of course just to hedge his bet, aye aye and he wants you to vote no as well. Our Vicki was having none of that and had a bet on finding life on Mars, before Labour won a General Election, aye aye and Vicki wants you to vote no as well.

Outside in the natural light far removed from the dazzling lights of Ladbrokes the yesies were cornering every punter they could, making them offers they couldn’t refuse with our mate Rob trying to look statesman like as he gorged on a bag of chips while gulping down a nice cold can of Iru bru, made in Scotland of course. The yesies were on a roll and have cornering punters down to a fine art, and have been running training courses in how best to wear a punter down so they will agree to anything, anything that is except vote for Prada Hinds. All they lacked was a piper playing Flower of Scotland, the blues version.

Confidence was high and wide smiles were visible on the faces of the yesies, even the normally glum Rob gis a job Munn cracked a smile, mainly due to the fact that one of the punters being cornered broke wind quickly despersing the yesies who had cornered him, maybe the better together campaign could employ him, probably he would do better than the pompous Alistair lecture circuit Darling whose own breaking of wind happens every time he opens his mouth. How could the no team match that, Maybe Mark could break wind and start a trend for the better together campaign, a catchy title like, break wind for unity might be apt.

Malcolm had one eye on his watch for the pre match party from Parkhead and a useful excuse for doing a bunk, would be that he had a surgery to attend, via the bookies to see if that dog who had eaten a couple of Greggs pies pre race, was in his reverse forecast. Mark didn’t fancy glad handing the punters and was still miffed that he didn’t get his scoop six bet on, so his dream of lazing on a caribbean beach would have to wait, wait until his next Parliamentary expenses return. Vicki was more interested in doing the charity shop run to see if she could add to her collection of unusual head gear. So the skeleton no team called it a day early on, with their varied excuses, while the yesies wanted to squeeze every last punter they could, before retiring to the pub, whereas one yesie piped up, the first rounds on Rob. But our Rob was nowhere to be seen, he had done a runner to find out if there was a party rule as to who bought the first round and could he move an emergency amendment, and if not he would write one out and get a seconder so he could get it in the party manifesto.

And so endeth the Leith tale.