Friends and readers.
Canvass sheets in hand and on their starting blocks, and some have already started the party anoraks are out in force determined to convince you of the merits of their arguments for staying or going. Pilton Sucks has as you would expect it’s own slant of the assault on your peace and quiet. The Tories want you to stay so they can continue with their brutal attack on the most vulnerable in our society. Of course they will deny such brutality has taken place and will therefore probably canvass in the areas they feel safe in, so their workload will be considerably light.
Dave has led the way with a couple of fleeting visits to us plebs carefully avoiding any contact with the natives, saving his words of wisdom for the faithful and those interested in seeing how the other half live. Dave has a touch of the flapping bum cheeks as he would be the Prime Minister who presided over the Scots voting for independence should such a scenario come about, and that would mean the order of the boot for him.
Next up is the treacherous Lib Dems who have just announced that they think the bedroom tax was a bad idea after all, this brings to mind the gate been shut after the horse has bolted. Nicky boy is in a right panic as he and his mob are going in the same direction as the dodo did. Not only are they backing the no campaign they have happily and willingly backed the Tories in their pre meditated attack on Communities all over the country. Old Nick one of the male pale and stale brigade is lost and isolated, lost in his own party who have lost complete faith in him but can do little to stop the accelerated decline, and isolated by his buddy Bullingdon Dave who just treats him like the treacherous dog he is.
Best thing Nicky boy can do is join a silent order somewhere, at least he won’t have to listen to the loud whispering campaign predicting his imminent downfall. Woudn’t fancy being on their canvassing team and it seems no-one else does either as they are thinner on the ground than a decent pay rise. Now this is where the canvassers hit a dead end, yes dear friends it’s the party that does a first rate job of mimicking the Tories and whose ranks are filled with the stench of privilege and have the the girning Jo Jo Lamont as their top jolly who takes her lead from the other joker who leads the right wingers in London, Ed grasp at straws Miliband. Now Ed has been quite cute steering clear of having Labour canvassers on on the streets rather infiltrate the no campaign even managing to get the hapless Alistair lecture circuit Darling to enter the valley of death and debate with Alex Salmond, should be a good gig watching the lecture circuit king trying to lecture Salmond.
Labour are caught in a somewhat curious quandary, London Labour who take their policy ideas from the Guardian don’t want to upset the wooly jerseyed chattering classes so they are taking a firm stand and sticking firmly with the status quo. This leaves Jo Jo with a bit of a headache as some of her loyal followers don’t take that view and have some sympathies with the yes’ers. So she has come up with a brainwave, threaten covertly the non believers with de-selection that should bring them into line. Labour as always cannot make a decision on what day it is and with Ed and Jo Jo in charge of this bunch of chancers then we will see some tricky moves as they try not to upset anybody and upset everybody in the process.
Lastly we have the SNP. They have detached themselves from outwardly involvement in dictating what path the yes’ers should take but have found it not surprisingly quite difficult to do just that. Ironically leader Salmond enjoys majority support amongst the electorate but is seen as a negative in the yes campaign if the media is to be believed. Again not surprisingly the yes’ers are firmly tied to the SNP’s tails as after all they are the party of independence. Out in force for some time the yes’ers have been canvassing since the ice melted but still trail in the polls if the establishment press is to be believed. Difficulty this canvassing team faces is that the argument has moved away from what the average joe thinks and got caught up in the No’ers top down argument, concentrating on high brow debates and points rather than getting their hands dirty taking the debate into the hearts of Communities where the vote will be won or lost.
You see it’s very simple talk to people instead of talking at them. People in general are scared of change and need to be gently convinced why change will be of benefit to them. Instead of that we are subjected to know all journalists trying to make themselves sound good at the expense of the need to spell out what difference independence will make. All parties have them the experts on everything, the know alls of party structure, where the full stops and commas go in the resolutions or the amendments to the resolutions or worse still the adenments to the amendments. Then there’s the composites but that’s stretching boredom a bit far. These characters have made the rest of us lose the will to live and if any of our wide and growing readership have had the misfortune of attending a political party branch meeting then you will have heard these punters making the rest of us wish we had stayed at home and cut the grass.
It’s an inevitable result of getting a dose of self importance, and kills the spirit of other party members who may have expertise in other fields but are always ignored while the party expert on everything bores the punters to death. These are the very punters who will be organising the campaigns and who are convinced it couldn’t be done without them and if anybody dares think differently then woe betide them. Electioneering as this is exactly what this process is, relies mainly on convincing the public that your ideas are better than the other punters ideas and this is why. So the canvassing teams will be instructed on what they can and cannot say, what they have to write down and how many canvass sheets they must do and return. Bugger that do your own thing talk to people in a language they understand, engage them in conversation, take an interest in their views. They are not figures on a canvass sheet or something on a data base..
Will these anoraks listen? No of course not and will give you a multitude of reasons why not. But out there right now is a large section of the population who are undecided and find it difficult to understand what’s what. The last thing they need is for a happy smiling canvasser arriving at their door with a prepared statement and questions. As Buddy Holly sang ”Everyday it’s a gettin closer”.