Monthly Archives: November 2014

Where’s The Cash Boy’s

Friends and readers.

Strong rumours coming from the City Chambers which our inside reliable source has confirmed, is our favourite Labour Community propoganda information sheet the NEN is in the shit again. The 10,000 quid which has already been allocated for the wonderfully named Digital Communication has been spent on a printed version which was not part of the agreement.

Our reliable source tells us that it may be as much as 7,500 quid has been spent on the printed version leaving 2,500 quid to be spent on, oh yes that’s right salaries, don’t think that was part of the deal and who gets a wage, why our old mate and former Labour Councillor Dave laugh a minute Pickering, and may we add a job that was not advertised, surely that can’t be right, but in the comrades world anything goes when it comes to public dosh and self interest.

How many punters have the NEN got involved in their so called digital communication, and we understand from a reliable source that this very question was asked at the latest Labour dominated Forth Neighbourhood Partnership, managed by the comrades chum Pete[formerly the perm]Strong. It  appears our mate Pete didn’t have a sensible answer, but then he never has provided one, and it was left to latest NEN board member and a punter who would attend the opening of an envelope Willie Community Socialist Black.

There is a very bad smell about all of this which the Evening News picked up on in their edition of 24th November 2014, after reading the very informative Pilton Sucks. And it appears dear friends that another of our good mates, avid sucks reader and Community conspiracy theorist Thomas Brown or tubby to his mates has had his access to editing the NEN web site restricted, so much for loyalty Tommy eh, maybe our mate Tommy should join the growing sucks family and if he’s nice to us we might let him write a piece on the best blog site on the Net even if we say so ourselves, and we get no public dosh and have no political affiliation.

We hear that yet another investigation into the NEN has been asked for. We advise that our mate and chair of economic development Frank fingers Ross be kept as far away from any investigation as possible. If he isn’t nothing will get done as his anal retentive officials will send him off on a junket somewhere of bog him down with some irrelevent bull shit

Top Class Job

Friends and readers.

Congratulations to local Team Spartans FC who gave a magnificent performance to beat Division one leaders Morton in the Scottish. Dougies dynamos have done themselves and us proud. Hampden and the final may just be a dream but we are now one step closer. WELL DONE BOYS.

And to carry on the good news theme Sucks has another Xmas carol for you with a twist Sucks style of course. This time it’s to the tune of The Twelve Days Of Christmas, only we have renamed it and called The Twelve Days Of Fast Food, which is helping turn our nation into unhealthy fatties.

1]On the first day of christmas

McDonalds sold to me

A big Bacon Classic with cheese

2]On the second day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Two Happy Meals

And a big Bacon Classic with cheese

3]On the third day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Three Biggie Fries

Two Happy Meals

And a big Bacon Classic with cheese

4]On the fourth day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Four Egg McMuffins

Three Biggie Fries

Two Happy Meals.

And a big Bacon Classic with cheese

5]On the fifth day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Five onion rings

Four Egg McMuffins

Three Biggie Fries

Two Happy Meals

And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese

6]On the sixth day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Six chocolate milk shakes

Five onion rings

Four Egg McMuffins

Three biggie Fries

Two Happy Meals

And a big Bacon Classic with cheese

7]On the seventh day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Seven pints of Cola

Six chocolate Milk shakes

Five onion rings

Four Egg McMuffins

Three biggies Fries

Two Happy Meals

And a big Bacon Classic with cheese

8]On the eighth day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Eights bowls of chili

Seven pints of Cola

Six chocolate Milk shakes

Five onion rings

Four Egg McMuffins

Three biggie Fries

Two Happy Meals

And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese

9]On the ninth day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Nine dreadful hot dogs

Eight bowls of chili

Seven pints of Cola

Six chocolate Milk shakes

Five onion rings

Three Biggie Fries

Two Happy Meals

And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese

10]On the tenth day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Ten undercooked Potatoes

Nine dreadful Hot Dogs

Eight bowls of chili

Seven pints of Cola

Six chocolate Milk Shakes

Five onion rings

Four Egg McMuffins

Three Biggie Fries

Two Happy meals

And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese

11]On the eleventh day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Eleven pounds of blubber

Ten undercooked potatoes

Nine dreadful Hot Dogs

Eight bowls of chili

Seven pints of Cola

Six chocolate Milk Shakes

Five onion rings

Four Egg McMuffins

Three Biggie Fries

Two Happy Meals

And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese

12]On the twelfth day of Christmas

McDonalds sold to me

Twelve twelve greasy Nuggets

Eleven pounds of Blubber

Ten undercooked potatoes

Nine dreadful Hot dogs

Eight bowls of chili

Seven pints of Cola

Six chocolate Milk Shakes

Five onion rings

Four Egg McMuffins

Three Biggie Fries

Two Happy Meals

And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese

A Carol Favourite Sucks Styles

Friends and readers.

Pilton Sucks never the party pooper takes great heart from the festive season, apart from the greed the overspending and the general misery for many who regard it as an opportunity to make a quick buck selling shit and tat.

But nevertheless we would like to bring to you our version of a Xmas classic, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Please sing along and join in the misery.

1]The restroom door said Gentlemen

So I just walked inside

I took two steps and realized

I’d been taken for a ride

I heard high voices turned and found

The place was occupied

By two Nuns, three old ladies and a nurse

What could be worse?

Than two Nuns, three old ladies and a nurse

2]The restroom door said Gentlemen

It must have been a gag

As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag

She sprayed me with a can of mace

And snapped me with her bag

I could tell this just wouldn’t be my day

What can I say?

It just wasn’t turning out to be my day.

3]The restroom door said Gentlemen

And I would like to find

The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign

Cause I’ve got two black eyes

And one high heel up my behind

Now I can’t sit with comfort and joy

Boy, oh, boy.

Sucks will by public demand be producing more of our own versions of Xmas carols, keep reading.

Pen Pushers Xmas

Friends and readers.

We have had some great comments regarding our posts about the city being run by unelected officials who if were in the real world nobody would employ. We have reported to you the behaviour of officials regarding the former Royston School site and their corrupt practices, their complete incompetence when it comes to any kind of development within the Waterfront development and some of these useless bastards command large salaries. Pen pushing Bureaucrats who hold back any real progress unless it’s to their agenda. And these tossers are well aware that many of the elected members have little or no real life experience and they can be twisted to a point of view that more reflects the views of our pen pushing Bureaucrats.

So Pilton Sucks has come up with some festive goodies which we have injected a bureaucrat feel into and would put a smile on the faces of the Bureaucrats of Edinburgh Shity Council.

Jingle Bells

A risk assessment must be submitted to the archaic planning department before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of a larger proportion. Please note permission must be gained from the City council. If permission is gained and to avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered noise pollution.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched their flocks by night all seated on the ground the angel of the lord came down and glory shone around.

A complaint has been submitted to Edinburgh City Council that this breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs must be made available. Council officials have also requested that, due to inclement weather conditions at this time of year, shepherds should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his/her glory all around she/he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw him you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for all policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion  of Mr. R. Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions – including suspension on full pay-will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are, bearing gifts we traverse afar, field and fountain, moon and mountain following yonder star.

Whilst the gift of gold is considered acceptable,  as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as ”cash for gold” etc, gifts of Frankincense and Myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

The council advises that the traversing kings do not rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destination and suggest the use of AA Route Finder or GPS navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the Council guidelines the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

Away In a Manger No Crib for a Bed.

Social Services will visit and may remove any child to a place of safety pending further action against parents, or other persons who may be found to be guilty of neglect by not providing adequate bedding and shelter for a child in their care. Criminal proceedings may be instituted after a case study has been carried out and fully discussed at a full meeting of the appropriate Social Services Committee which will be chaired by Councillor Lesley Prada Hinds.

We do hope this put a smile on your faces as that’s what it’s meant to do. Our pen pushing Council officials do their best to make life as awkward for us as possible while not for themselves. Cuts seem to have little effect on them and they remain at full strength to fuck up anything they touch. And while we are at it, the Xmas lights in George Street are up and running and what a pretty sight they are if you can manage to breath through the Diesel fumes coming from the Generator that is powering them. Will someone please tell us who the fuckin hell the genius is who thought that one up. Smart bet it’s some jumped up official buried somewhere in the council.

Stop The Bus We Want To Get Off

Friends and readers

Yet another scandal has hit this City with Lothian Buses selling nine of it’s vehicles to a firm part owned by chief executive Ian bully boy Craig. And just to add salt in the corrupt wound Lothian Buses hired a design firm run by Craig and his wife to carry out work at it’s offices.

The interim chair of the bus company Tony Depledge said he examined details of the deal and found no impropriety, blind as well as stupid. Make these findings public if everything is above board which it certainly isn’t. It’s as plain as the nose on your face this is bent in any language you like to hide it in.

Bully boy Craig still owns 25% of the family firm which trades as West Coast Motors. This comes on top of another shady deal where thousands of pounds were paid to a design company wholly owned by Craig’s wife Claire Craig. The firm which goes by the name of Cubic Interior design consultancy carried out the work at the depot in Longstone and the Travel Shop on Waverley Bridge. Who else was allowed to tender for this work?

Surely now bully boy Craig must now be removed from his overpaid post, this alongside the serious rifts at board level. Three board members Bill Campbell, Bill Devlin and Norman Strachan lodged a grievance against Craig. It has now emerged former Chair Ann Faulds who resigned over Craig’s behaviour in which no disciplinary action was taken had recommended Craig leave the organisation. This of course never happened and chair of everything Lesley Prada Hinds was shunted on to the board.

Hinds is already Transport convener and Pilton Sucks asks, how much did she know about what is clearly a murky affair. Once again we see a grossly overpaid official getting away with bad and corrupt practice only for it to be wrapped up in nice glossy paper and made to sound as if nothing untoward happened, total bullshit of course it did further muddied by a Council who protected this creep and allowed him to continue earning his big bucks, this lot couldn’t run a raffle.

We ask in the light of this and the travesty concerning the former Royston School site where officials have been hard at it, who the hell is running this City. From where Pilton Sucks sits it certainly isn’t the elected members.

Told You So

Friends and readers.

So the Evening News has eventually picked up on what the peoples site Pilton Sucks has been saying for a long time that the NEN is little more than a campaigning tool for the Labour Party, of course it is, it always was. This publicly funded information sheet was also used to attack individuals in the Community that didn’t agree with the comrades corrupt philosophy.

Now they have received 25,000 pounds of taxpayers money at a time when real services are under threat. Questions over 50,000 pounds of so called donations have still to be answered, and this time the money is to be used to, wait for it, improve communications between the city council and local communities, what a load of tosh. Part of that dosh has been used to pay former Labour councillor Dave laugh a minute Pickering in an editorial role, a job that was not advertised, surprise surprise.

NEN board chair Martin slammer Hinds also coincidentally secretary of Edinburgh West Labour Party offered the role to his comrade Dave in a jobs for the boys comrade style. At last the SNP have found some balls from somewhere and asked for an immediate suspension of council support for the NEN, should think so to. But dear friends it gets better, who pops  out of the woodwork to support this waste of public cash, why none other than our old mate, pretty much chair of everything and general good egg, Ms. Hinds, yep our bestest pal Prada and the better half of Marti, well, well, well. We are sure we do not need to remind our Lesley about conflicts of interest, but it seems we do, and this is a direct conflict of interest.

Prada mentions some shit about a survey, where and when and who filled it in, the dwindling band of lackies. Of course our mate Lesley points out that the council officers control the budget, that bunch of pen pushing tossers, might as well let them steer the Titanic. Just as an added bonus there is real growing disquiet amongst activists in the Community over a fully funded package to develop the Royston School site, which has been actively lobbied against by officers, including GREG WARD, ERIC ADAIR, and PETER WATTANA, we understand that emails sent to the chief executive Sue Three jobs Bruce have been ignored. Pilton Sucks has not seen these emails but we understand from a very reliable source at city level that this package was fully funded and would not require the council to borrow one penny, yet it has been ignored and officers allowed to push through their own agenda.

We are told that this Community led project has been some two years in the planning and costed plans have been put in place with amongst others Cammy squint tie Day seeing and receiving a copy of these plans. We are also told that the Scottish Government has been informed about the antics of Edinburgh City Council. Our own investigations reveal that a discussion between Granton and District Community Council and the developer took place some time ago and the money set aside for a care home, social housing and a community hub which we understand the plans clearly show.

This if only half accurate is a scandal and another sign of proof that officers are running to their own agenda and not that of the elected members, well not all of them. We demand that three jobs Bruce surface from her hidey hole and tell us what she knows about this proposed project. Once again three jobs is found wanting. Yet dear friends in a time of budget restrictions a politically motivated information sheet which is run by the comrades for the comrades is given public money and supported publicly despite massive conflicts of interest by the queen of blunderland Lesley Prada Hinds.

The North of the City is ignored despite a project funded to upwards of 20 million pounds, Labour sneaking back in thanks to the lack of political opposition and taxpayers money thrown down the drain all in a vain attempt to keep the Labour party from drowning. They are all but finished as a political force but here in the sunny North they are still able to cause untold damage.

Road To Nowhere

Friends and readers

Pilton Sucks always does it’s best to bring new characters to our big family of chancers and we have another cocker to introduce to you. This beaut has responsibility for the roads in the North and boy has he managed to keep them in a poor state, friends and readers our latest chancer is Neil-pothole- McFarlane roads manager and one of Pete’s team.  Our pal Neil who we are told is a regular Sucks reader has somehow managed to be almost as invisible as our former mate and king of the vanishing acts Henry Houdini Coyle.

The word is if you want nothing done get Neil he’s got a PHD in patronising which puts him in line for a promotion to a post where he can do even less if that is at all possible. Our Neil say’s all the right things and has been to all the, con the punters training courses, which is a statutory requirement for all Council managers. As part of that training course candidates  are issued with a sheet of 40 questions, which must have the same answer put 40 different ways. The record holder is of course Pete[formerly the perm]Strong who got a 100% correct and ended up as manager of the Forth Neighbourhood Partnership.

Pete set the level of the bar with that magnificent performance and many an envious eye has been cast in Pete’s direction as he has managed to provide the the same answer 40 different ways, truly an outstanding achievement and one that has Neil-pothole-McFarlane determined to match. Neils first attempt was we are told littered with porkies, something that would have got him pass marks but he tripped himself up a couple of times, something the local punters do regularly when trying to avoid the holes in the disintegrating pavements, that’s of course unless you live in Prada land in Drylaw which seems to get an unusually high amount of dosh spent on their roads and pavements, that’s if you believe the dodgy leaflet that the local Drylaw punters got recently.

Recently we were told that the pothole king was instructed to patronise the punters who have to suffer the very dangerous Lower Granton Road and take their lives in their hands every time they step outside their door. But Neilie boy has managed to get bollards put up at the leafy Trinity end so the better off punters don’t have to put up with that awful traffic that their lesser neighbours have to deal with. No doubt it will be the usual tick box exercise so Neily can tell Pete that he has consulted with the natives and sold them a dummy.

Seventh Heaven Street

Friends and readers.

With our friends in the North the Hotbox three and infamous five about to go into hibernation, did they ever come out of it? and Scotmid gearing up for the extended queues over the dreadfully depressing and oh so expensive, hyped up lot of nonsense festive season, we at Sucks thought we might brighten things up a bit in these cold winter evenings that forces us poor bastards to put the heating on and allow the utility companies to rub their hands together once again.

We noticed a lot of curtains closed during the day recently which we thought strange until we realised that the chap with the machine was coming round the doors to read the leckie meters, you know the punter who hides behind the lampposts waiting to see if there is life in the houses then pounces quicker than a traffic warden on heat, with the heart breaking line should you be fooled into opening the door ”METER READER” and your heart sinks as you visualize your dosh floating out the door and into the pockets of those greedy fuckers the power companies.

No escape though, for if you are not at home or hiding under the bed or in the loo, the little card comes through the letterbox floating gently to the floor asking you to read your own meter with the veiled threat that if you don’t you may well get rammed with a bill higher than it should be. Funny how these bastards never underestimate the bill. For those punters who have no access to a computer, they give you a phone number to contact which is where the fun really starts.

This free 0800 number asks you to do everything on the keypad before you get to speak to one of their employees in the call center based in a sweatshop in the philippines. The taped voice on the other end asks you to give your surname and postcode which you do umpteen times because the fuckin machine dosen’t speak english or any other bloody language. If you do cross the unknown language barrier and manage to get through to South East Asia, then you are faced with a punter who is reading from a script and asks you the very same questions you just answered.

And dear friends there is always a question designed to catch you out, and the favourite is the one where the punter asks you your reference number which you are told is in the right hand corner of your last bill along with a million other fuckin numbers. Well that’s you stuffed and you hear a sigh of satisfaction from the smug fucker on the other end of the telephone, who if the truth be told you would love to stangle. So that’s it then no reference number, no chance of giving the smug punter on the other end of this international call an exact meter reading. Of course the chances of you having the last bill just lying around waiting to be picked up is less than remote, it has probably been recycled and been used as a foundation for some of these shity new build card board box built houses.

So as your call to the philippines produces nothing except frustration and the smug fucker on the other end of the phone can have a laugh with the rest of her sweat shop friends, you the mug punter are faced with the dreaded estimated bill, with a tough shit at the bottom of it as you didn’t give us an accurate reading as you were hiding under the bed or in the loo when our meter reading technician called round. ”WE VALUE YOUR CUSTOM” but crucify you if you can’t pay.

The Road To Duplicity

Friends and readers.

The lines have been clearly drawn, and the troops are ready to mass with their guns to the front, puzzling thing is that there is no enemy to fight. But wait the armies of the political parties and their establishment friends are turning the guns on the ordinary citizens of this nation. The ruling elite have made it their desire to smash any resistance to their tyranny and have found allies across the political spectrum. Since the financial crash the Government has made the ordinary citizen pay the price for the greed of the few. We have seen peoples living standards, wages and quality of life deteriorate as the rich and privileged grew fat on the poor paying all the bills.

With no real opposition in sight and little or no alternative to the current austerity measures, the white flag of surrender is being made ready as the political classes fight over their own little empires while trodding on those who need help to alleviate their plight. The media is currently obsessed with the Ed situation, will he stay or go, who the hell cares the guy knows nothing about the lives of those he pontificates about having been brought up in the cushioned world of the Westminster club. The opposition lacks true leadership while the army of the elite bought and paid for rules over everything they survey, and won’t give up the ground they have stolen from the people and handed to their friends in the profit at any cost sector.

Local Government the last line of defence has been mortally wounded and continues to suffer the savagery of an occupying force who have no support in this part of the world. Striff within their own ranks may yet prove their downfall as the spectre of Europe wanders through their numbers like the grim reaper.  Farage who many see as the answer to Europe’s domination sings from the same hymn sheet only he conducts the singing to his own tune while the Tories bleat and moan. The thought of a Cameron Farage coalition is one horror too far, but a possibility nevertheless. For Labour to march forward and gain ground they must offer the oppressed people real hope and a galvanising alternative. For in Labours bank of justice, a check has been sent back marked insufficient funds.

The road to duplicity is a short road but filled with unseen traps, traps that will have to be survived and made safe, as the road ends in May 2015 and if nothing is seen to change and no real alternative is offered and hope given to a deflated nation, then this divided land will become a chasm that many more will fall into and unlikely to come out of. We stand on the brink of more of the same with still more pain to be inflicted on a people who are not being allowed to heal before the next attack comes. The red flag that once stood for a peoples nation is now a paler pink cast aside and replaced by the private sector Labour party who now seek to rid themselves of anything to do with the people they were born to represent.

 

Tail Wagging The Dog.

Friends and readers.

We in the peoples republic of the North have had our fair share of chancers and wasters in our midsts and we still do. Even those appointed by the Council to make sure things happen in the North are very suspect and none more than a Council official who goes by the name of PETER WATTANA. WATTANA is another chancer who picks up his salary for doing very little and misleading the elected members who should at least know the area they represent and not listen to some jumped up nonentity.

WATTANA has been nothing but a thorn is the side of anything happening unless he wanted it and has misled the current Economic Development Committee Chair Frank fingers Ross. WATTANA is not alone in thinking it’s his agenda that should be adhered to and not that of the elected members. For too long this City has been led a merry dance by officials who think it is they and not the politicians that run the City. Mind you when you see some of the politicians it’s not surprising they think that way. And where is our noble Chief Executive Sue three jobs Bruce in all this, well you would have to make an appointment with her to find out. Yes an elected member has to make an appointment with an appointed official, you just couldn’t make this shit up.

Ms. Bruce has to get her finger out and start finding out what some of her officials like WATTANA are up to, if she can’t then Pilton Sucks is happy to furnish her with all the information she needs to kick WATTANAS ass into touch. Development in the North is crucial to the ongoing progress of bringing the area up and offering local people opportunities. Left to the likes of WATTANA then nothing will happen and this ass will still pick up his inflated salary. We have our work cut out trying to watch the existing chancers and carpetbaggers we already have, what we don’t need is oficials like WATTANA who is charged to bring in development opportunities do exactly the opposite.