Friends and readers.
The snow is with us and our old mate and dog poo czar Cammy squint tie day can breath a sigh of relief as the white stuff will cover the brown stuff that has become an increasing irritant in the North. The luckier of the punters can and will come out from their house through their gate and straight into a heap of dog shit[where's Cammy when you need him] Dog shit the enemy of all who have grooves on the soles of their shoes has become a common sight in the sunnier climes of Forth and is even stretching into dreamy Drylaw the estate that Prada Hinds has to share with those awful working class types.
Even the local buses are carrying a Government health warning, that anybody with dog shit on their shoes will not be allowed on Lothians finest, means they might be running empty then. The Forth Neighbourhood partnership is all but a memory although the salary bill hasn’t gone down, and it’s their responsibility to ensure that dog shit is jumped on, not literally of course but enforcing the already existing powers to fine these owners who let their dogs shit where they please. The clean green and safe action group used to make sure that dog shit was kept to a minimum but Cammy put paid to them in his night of the pen knifes.
We are told that Neighbourhood staff have been issued with flat soled shoes so they can scrape the dog shit off easily on the kerb of the pavement. Care manager Lorraine half nelson Banks has had to have extended leave, again, just so she can formulate a plan to avoid the dog shit, in fact we hear that care workers under her charge can volunteer to pick up and dispose of any dog shit they come across and get themselves a certificate of endurance signed by half nelson herself, that’s when she gets back from her latest break.
We have grass growing out of the pavements, roads that have more holes than craters on the moon, bus shelters that are used as public toilets, even the dogs won’t use them and a Waterfront that has become a standing joke. Never mind we can have a good old moan while we are standing in the queue in Scotmid. Mind you we will have landed on Mars by the time we all get served in Scotmid, but the dog shit will have hardened in the Summer sun.