Monthly Archives: May 2016

Lighter Mornings Lighter Nights.

Friends and readers.

Summer is upon us and the winter woollies have been put away, for a couple of weeks anyway, and we are all able to enjoy what the warmer weather and brighter days and nights brings us. Yes friends we can avoid if possible the uneven pavements as we amble our way along, and avoid the leg breaking potholes as we cross the road, the potholes that our bestest mate Lesley prada Hinds said didn’t exist.

The waft of freshly laid dog shit passes our nostrils as does the discarded carry out wrappings from the numerous grease parlours that blot the face of the landscape. The discarded shopping trolleys and the soiled mattresses don’t seem to bother us as much when the sun is shining or is it perhaps we have grown accustomed to these little delights. Loud unidentifiable music blares out of open windows and the cry of ”Turn that fucking crap down” is frequently heard as the natives blast out their versions of the jungle drums.

Neds on stolen motor bikes give us their version of the TT races which we can all enjoy as we wait and wait and wait in the queue in Scotmid. In fact we were told that one unlucky punter went in in March to buy fags and the Daily Star only to see Xmas trees in punters windows when he eventually came out, plastic ones of course, you know the ones that come complete with dodgy fairy lights that rarely work the way they are pictured on the box which by the way takes an axe to open.

The grass growing out of the pavements offers a sweet scent of dog piss as does the blocked sewars which are never cleaned [where's cammy when you need him] while the gentle sea breeze carries losing lottery tickets in the air and crumpled betting slips, alongside Greggs paper bags. Yes dear friends it’s summer in the North for a short time anyway, where the foxes breed and the other wild life, the two legged variety put on their shorts and tee shirts revealing exactly what a harsh winter it was and how many carry out’s they were forced to eat.

Football tops are worn by people who should know better and clearly have never seen a football or haven’t for a very long time, shorts which reveal legs of all shapes and sizes most of which would put you off your tea, as the punters try to grab what sun there is, and judging by the tan lines, the red ones, not been to clever about it. And as always winter or summer we have the secretive Forth Neighbourhood Partnership or Willie community socialist Black and his cronies who can and do spend the rent payers account money on whatever the fuck they want, bar a few scrapes that are thrown to the natives to shut them up.

Yes dear friends it’s summer time in the North and the living is anything but easy, unless you live in the same street as Lesley Prada Hinds whose residents have enjoyed newly tarred pavements again and a serious lack of potholes, just a coincidence isn’t it.


Friends and readers.

You may remember some time ago we highlighted the problems of an upgrading scheme at the sheltered complex in Granton Crescent. Amongst the problems we highlighted was the inordinate time the scaffolding was up costing we estimated at around £80,000, we had it confirmed later that it was in fact in excess of £85,000 and the contractor given the job to upgrade this complex did not have scaffolding. When we queried this ridicules situation we were told that this was quite normal, and the contractor would sub it out to someone else, no doubt with a drink on top of it for him, we do not zip up the back.

To make matters worse we are told that it was a Tory Councillor that asked questions about this mess and not the local Councillor and chair of Housing, our old mate Cammy squint tie Day, who we are told had actually visited the project and saw nothing wrong, oh really. We took our own surveyor down to the complex and he examined the work visible to the eye from ground level. He came up with a list of either incomplete work or just plain shoddy workmanship.

Subsequently we have now found out that a further lot of work has not been carried out. We list the items below

1] walls falling down

2] Landscaping not done

3] Mutual aerials not in place.

4] Central heating boilers [combi's] not done

We contacted the local office in West Pilton Gardens to voice our concerns but we were given the run around and spoke to no-one involved in this farce.

We have for a long time been arguing against the preferred contractors list as it is wide open to corruption and this is a case in point. We won’t repeat ourselves about the complete fuck up on the site of the former Royston primary School, only to say that there again is a situation where no thought was put in and an unseemly rush to borrow in excess of £10 million so that the alternative costed project which included Social housing and a Community hub never saw the light of day. But Sucks saw the plans before the Council and their corrupt officials buried them and we are aware that foul play was clearly at hand.

Faulty Towers

Friends and readers.

Remember the days when you the tax paying mug punters could phone the City Chambers using the numbers 200 2000, well dear friends you still can but with a subtle difference. If you now ring this number instead of a human voice on the other end you get a recorded message asking you to choose options 1-5.

So far so bad. If you thought by doing this little exercise you would hear a human voice you were mistaken. Not only do you not speak to anyone but you are asked to part in a survey with loaded questions. Of course you can take the option of a call back but of course no-one ever calls you back, not unexpected really, after all it’s Edinburgh shity Council we are talking about here.

But as you expect it gets better. If by some Lazarus type miracle you make any headway you are put into a queue usually in the high 50′s. Then unexpectedly it can suddenly jump down to the 30′s, no doubt the twenty or so punters in front of you got so sick waiting to complain about the shite service provision they hung up.

So when producing the fiddled figures about punter satisfaction the Councils PR department can loudly pronounce that they have increased punter satisfaction, mainly because the vast majority of punters have just given up after being on the phone for what seems an eternity. We at Sucks tested this out and found we spent over £13 pounds on a phone call and still never got to speak to anyone, happy fuckin days.

This of course creates yet another obstacle in accountability to the mug punter tax payer. So forget trying to complain about speeding bin lorry’s careering along the road, and throwing your bins wherever they please or using the blue containers as footballs, nobody listens or cares until something serious happens and then the usual crap is churned out, in other words a recipe for doing nothing.

Here’s a complaint for you if are reading this. A disabled space user was verbally abused by a bin lorry driver in Granton Terrace recently, who in turn tried to make a formal complaint, and this is a disabled person, she got no-where, that’s unacceptable, and the local Councillors Day, Jackson, Redpath and Cardownie have now been informed via Pilton Sucks, lets see what happens. We advise the general public to if possible photograph these Grand Prix bin lorry drivers, get their registration numbers and if the Council do nothing then give them to the press.

But back to our options list, if you can be bothered. This new system which clearly doesn’t work [does anything this corrupt Council do work] was part of a major investment of around 5 million pounds of taxpayers ready’s to provide broadband and telephone services within the Council [what the fuck have they been using before this massive spend], a tender may we say that started at 2.5 million pounds but like everying else this bunch of muppets do has grown arms and legs.

So dear friends, next time you have a problem or a complaint or just a simple query, forget the options system it’s designed to frustrate you and make you give up the ghost. Oh and just to add injury to insult there is no option for complaint surprise surprise.

Wake Up And Smell The Bullshit

Friends and readers.

Yet another voting extravaganza is coming our way, this time it’s a meaningless referendum to decide if we should stay or leave the Common Market or E.U or whatever the fuck this money sucking institution calls itself. More bloody politicians and yet another army of pen pushers to pay for, and no accountability at all never has been never will be.

Yet we the mug punter voters are being asked to decide if we should remain or leave this pigs trough. Our noble Scottish Government the new lot or the old lot less a few seats are committed to campaigning for a yes vote, best if they say their bit and get on with running Scotland. Wee Nickie has been hinting that if England voted to leave and Scotland voted to stay that might trigger another argument for yet another referendum this time on independence again, follow so far, or couldn’t give a toss.

What about the punters in bonny Scotland that vote to leave does their opinion not count in the great SNP master plan, fraid it does you know and wee Nickie knows that as well so another independence referendum is just being floated silently to placate the yes nutters who have grabbed hold of the party and are slowly strangling it but it’s a non starter there is no appetite for it.

The great European ideal of all for one and one for all is plainly rubbish and it appears only to be there for the favored few to earn a few quid plus expenses. When the then Tory Prime Minister Edward Heath signed us up to the club, so eager was he for us to join he gave away practically everything we controlled, commonly called sovereignty, and handed it over to the foreigners across the water. We have paid the price ever since. The turn outs at the European elections have always been very low and very few know who their MEP is and care even less. Our MEP is David Martin who has been there forever and done very nicely thank you very much. Does he have surgeries of any kind, does he produce a news sheet of any kind does he keep Lothian voters informed about how he is fighting for their interests, not likely, to busy lining his own pockets to be bothered with crap like that. And that’s par for the course for most of our MEP’s, collect the dosh and hide.

They will all be desperate for a yes vote but for their own selfish reasons and not the nations interests. No doubt over the time remaining we will be bombarded by propaganda from both sides to such an extent it will sicken us, which is exactly the plan. So once again it will be the silent minority that decide what’s what, and those that listen to the rubbish that Tory toff and twit Boris Johnston spouts. In the end does it really matter, we still have to suffer under a Tory Government, we still have to listen to the wit and wisdom of Saint Nicola and we still, until May next year that is have to put up with the Calamity Jane of local Government Lesley Prada Hinds. If there was a referendum to get rid of her we think there would be a full 100% turnout.

In Out Shake It All About

Friends and readers

Question. How many of our noble local Councillors actually live in the ward they represent. Answer very few if any. But don’t take our word for it ask.

It has come to the ever eager ears of Pilton Sucks that our old mate, Tory and former postman [so he says] Iain jam tart McGill is sniffing about again looking to dip his nose in the Council trough come the next local elections. Poor old Iain he keeps getting stuffed at the polls and recently lost on the turn of a card to Jeremy card shark Balfour for a list seat. Maybe he should stick to backing losers at Mussleburgh race course where an eagle eyed Sucks readers spotted him recently, ripping up yet another losing betting slip.

Here’s a tip for you Iain forget politics, it’s full of sex cases and thieves, and that’s just the ones that are caught. Stick to horses, betting on them that is.

Talking of which has anyone seen the new Chair of Economic development Gavin nee naw Barrie. No didn’t think so, where could he have gone, possibly he’s buried up to his neck in paperwork given to him by those thieving fuckin officials so they can continue to collect their nice shade of brown envelops. Or could he be on a junket to China for instance where his predecessor the totally useless Frank fingers Ross was sent to get him out of the way.

Where ever nee naw is he’s gone very quiet, maybe thinking about re selection in a ward he doesn’t live in. Time is getting on and nee naw has not exactly set the heather on fire in Economic Development, so his officials will be content they have yet another Councillor who won’t do anything to rock their boat. Nee Naw had an opportunity to clean out this nest of vipers WATTON included and that other misfit ADAIR but no, instead our Gav has nodded off dreaming of being selected in a seat he might actually win and not in the graveyard of Inverleith which he currently represents but does not live in, but then again neither does Hinds, at least they have that in common.

Insiders tell us that they hoped Nee Naw would have cleaned up the shit hole of Economic Development or at least made a start, but sources tell us he has done nothing using all the usual tried and tested excuses to avoid getting his hands ever so slightly dirty. Seems once again only Pilton Sucks fights corruption and sleaze, and what an opportunity Nee Naw has missed. Once again it’s the citizens of Edinburgh that are the real losers.

Here We Go Again

Friends and readers.

First Thomson who was caught on the crook, then McGarry who pinched money from an organisation she was involved with. Now it seems the SNP are fast becoming the sleaze party and Sturgeon does nothing except sit with her finger up her ass talking about trust and shit like that. The latest two scum bags caught at it are the honourable Stewart Hosie SNP deputy leader and Angus MacNeil who has already been caught out fiddling his expenses.

Now Sucks doesn’t give a toss who they are shagging, but when they charge the taxpayer for the pleasure of it then fuck them, get rid of them. These chancer’s promised they would bring a new politics to Westminster, but what do we get, more of the same, trousers at their ankles and fingers in the till. Greedy bastards and the SNP need to take action against these thieves not bury their heads in the sand

Hosie had his credit card blocked by parliamentary authorities during the time he was knocking about with this would be reporter, why wasn’t this investigated properly and the details published, after all it’s taxpayers money they are abusing. No wonder the SNP haven’t taken any action against Thomson and McGarry, they are all in it together, sound familiar. The SNP are already under a shadow with regard to their very dubious vetting procedure, and now they are up to their sporrans in sleaze, and with the Tories running scared over falsifying election expenses, and Labour busy tearing themselves apart as usual, the SNP are getting a free ride [no pun intended]

Same in Scotland Labour has all but vanished, the Lib-Dems are comic book clowns and the Tories, well who gives a fuck about them, so the SNP are getting away with murder, and with no opposition in reality of any kind then wee Nickie can appoint the chief jester to the finance role Derek twister McKay, how did that joker manage to get that role, shows ass licking goes a long way as that prat certainly doesn’t have the ability to run the finances of the Country given his inept handling of the Forth Road Bridge farce.

But it’s the stealing of public money that these hypocrites must be called to account for, not who they slip between the sheets with. It seems like the SNP have gone down to Westminster for a jolly at the taxpayers expense. Their popularity has taken a bit of a hit but not enough to wake them up from the slumber of complacency. But remember the voters have a way of dealing with chancer’s and thieves, and the SNP are no different. Hosie and MacNeill are just another part of a broken system that allows them and others to commit crime and go unpunished because they deny it. These two are guilty of abusing taxpayers money and at the very least they should give back what they stole, but in reality they should be kicked out of Parliament and the fast becoming Sleazy Nasty Party.

Raising Dosh

Friends and readers.

Politicians are always looking for ways to screw the voters, usually through the tax system which is designed to fuck the average joe and let the well heeled escape and hide their cash in off shore tax havens, the same tax havens that the Tory Government promised to crack down on but did fuck all particularly when they realised that their dodgy cash was hidden amongst these array of tax havens,

Anyway Sucks has come up with an idea for a new tax which might do the trick. We have called it the flatulence tax and it goes something like this.

A flatulence tax on cattle and sheep,
Another rip-off to make us all weep.
Preserving the ozone at any expense,
It’s all propaganda that doesn’t make sense.

Abandon the flock and abolish the herd,
When it comes to survival, then nothing’s absurd.
But what will we eat for daily protein?
The answer is simple, the mighty baked bean.

So plough in the forage and pastures too
Put paid to the curse of the cattle poo.
Then plant all the land with navy beans,
Belching out gasses from smokey machines.

The resulting erosion will wipe any smiles,
Make the Greenies appear they’re suffering piles.
With options so few when it comes to a meal,
And the after affects still part of the deal.

With the whole population gobbling baked beans,
The potential was there for some horrid scenes.
The worst of our fears were about to come true,
The Follies were gobbling their baked beans too.

And adding more fuel to their natural reserve,
The electorate was poised to get its deserve.
Their innards vibrated their faces contorted,
The speaker collapsed and debate was aborted.

Then rising as one from babes to old Granny,
With timing so perfect was almost uncanny.
The whole population let off a great fart,
With a bloody big bang blew the ozone apart.


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Harold’s Tapestry

Friends and readers.

The results are in and we can all get back to reality as wee Nickie strutted back into Bute House two short of an overall majority but more than enough to govern Scotland once again. The final analysis shows Labour with it’s make it up as you go along policy’s decimated and reduced to what is certain to be an internal blame game and the Tories who surpassed even their own expectations becoming the main opposition, how now do they equate that with what their pals in Westminster are doing to the country, they will now have to come up with a bit more than an anti independence referendum party.

The Greens done pretty well and the Lib-Dems stood still so wee Nickie can be fairly satisfied with the result given they polled more votes than the previous election but a few seats less.

Pilton Sucks covered the Edinburgh North and Leith constituency and what fun we had. Firstly congratulations to the new SNP MSP Ben your Honour MacPherson. Benny boy ran a clean campaign and didn’t resort to personal attacks coming across as a decent individual who will be active in the Constituency and not be in the pocket of the few individuals who have an alternative agenda, we shall see. He has big shoes to fill and Sucks wishes him the best, and our advice for what it’s worth, hit the ground running and don’t surround yourself with those who have a lot to say but do very little.

We now turn to the well beaten runner up. To say we are delighted is an understatement, had she been elected and there was more chance of winning the Lottery Sucks would have lost it’s favourite character, the one and thank goodness only Lesley Prada Hinds. Our Lesley started out trying to hold on to a seat held by Labour since Eve pinched the apple from the tree, only to lose by one of the biggest SNP majorities in the Country. Sucks had it’s own people going round the polling stations and one of the factors coming across was an anti Hinds vote. Her own personal unpopularity was a big factor in the result, as well as a good SNP candidate.

Their glorious leader Kezia Dugdale had made a statement that Labour needed to bring in new people, that didn’t happen as the hacks in the main were returned through the back door of the list. Labour did not renew and tried to con the voters with the same old cabal of chancers. Edinburgh North and Leith were crying out for a credible candidate to oppose the SNP but didn’t get it and they must look now at their own selection methods and try to bring life back into this dinosauric party. No point in trying to blame some distant leader in Westminster the rot set in years ago when people started to leave due to the few who took all the positions and the rest were left to do the donkey work. Good people left the party, people who have made good candidates had they been given the chance which they weren’t. They were overlooked in favour of the hacks who have now brought Labour to it’s knees.

Prada Hinds has been a City Councillor for decades, how can that be, how democratic is that and she is not alone. Surely there has over the time been other members who would have liked a crack at office and we know as we spoke to one former well known member who highlighted just that. The Labour party had become a private club where only the few got a chance to stand for office, selected by a handful at cobbled together meetings attended by a handful of anoraks. And there dear friends the decline starts, ignore anybody that challenges the top table and keep it all for yourself. The SNP don’t escape criticism here either. In Edinburgh central they imposed a female candidate instead of the best candidate and what happened, they lost. In Edinburgh West the Thomson factor clearly played a part and yet Thomson was on the vetting panel for candidates, and what happened they lost, and there dear friends was the overall majority, two seats they could and should have won but didn’t and took the electorate for granted regardless of the effect it might have on the party, and the effect was to deny wee Nickie an overall majority, she might want to take a closer look at these two seats and finally get rid of Thomson who is nothing more than an opportunist crook.

There is no point or mileage in blaming an individual certainly one who was voted into the job with a massive majority and by the vast majority of Constituency party’s. The party in Scotland is running on empty with no ideas and a jobs for the boys mentality. There needs to be a close look at who controls the local Labour party branches and constituencies, why do they not represent the Communities whose votes they need but clearly cannot stand. If Dugdale is to succeed she has to tackle the private club Labour has become, a private club that has presided over a massacre at the polls and it might not be finished yet.

Meet Horace Wimpole

Friends and readers.

With polling day just round the corner the leaders of the five major party’s or four if you discount the greens as a major political party had their final debate in the hallowed surroundings of Hopeton House last night 1-05-16. First question we ask is why wasn’t it held in a local Community hall after all these chancers are crowing on about how they want to represent us all, and make it a first come first served deal instead of an invited audience. Anyway Sarah Smith left her Labour party membership at home and did her best to compare this comedy routine. She could have done with a switch to turn off the dreadful Ruth Davidson, she makes Kezia Dugdale sound interesting. Davidson is little more than a loud mouth with precious little to say other than trying to make people forget she’s a Tory. Constantly butting in and offering nothing but lies which given her seemingly short memory is par for the course.

Ms. Dugdale behaves like a school pupil who has had her sweeties pinched and her loud pitched voice hides her inexperience in the real world, but she will learn maybe. Patrick Harvie wants to be all things to all people and he said one or two useful things but stopped short when it came to putting his head over the parapit. Willie Rennie, well what can you say about oor Willie. He is the punter with his finger in the dyke trying to stop the Lib-Dems from drowning and he has no life jackets either. Does a nice line in ties but his make up was running under the heat of the stage lights in his desperation to sound more aggressive than Ruth the tank Davidson.

And what of our illustrious First Minister, this was not her finest hour as she was put under the cosh over the question of a second referendum. For the first time she looked rattled as the invited audience clapped and even cheered loudly when it was suggested that the SNP should get on with governing the country instead of prattling on about a potential second independence referendum which clearly there is little appetite for. Difficulty wee Nickie has is that her party has been infiltrated by the nutter element similar to the Militant Tendency mob who practically ruined the Labour party, certainly keeping them out of office for a generation.

Wee Nickie privately realizes that the party is fast becoming the prisoner of a minority who are the most vocal but say very little worth listening to. Quite a number of their candidates have come from this wing of the party so they are getting stronger and will ultimately destroy the SNP if action is not taken to stop them. Interestingly enough the two crooked Mp’s, and they are just the ones who have been caught, Thomson and McGarry came out of the yes campaign, penny dropped yet. The SNP’s vetting proceedure is simply crap and crooked into the bargain and dominated by the nutter element who have about as much interest in representing the electorate as our old mate Lesley Prada Hinds does. It was not a good night for wee Nickie but then again the rest hardly shone. Probably Harvie who played devils advocate came out best although he should forget about the retro look, the 70′s suit and tie was sadly out of place.

On the question about specific ideas to grow the Scottish economy, Nicola Sturgeon and co-accused Ruth Davidson got away with conspiracy to economic murder because the opposition ignored the evidence of the SNP / Tory stitch-up to rob Holyrood of borrowing powers via the UK fiscal framework.

Dugdale / Harvie / Rennie missed an open goal there.

Holyrood has been limited by the UK to miserly annual borrowing of some £100s millions a year only and a total debt ceiling of less than £5 billion only.

A fair fiscal framework would offer borrowing powers for Holyrood of something around 8% of GDP or £11 billion PER YEAR.

The opposition should have called Sturgeon out for her tartan Tory borrowing stitch up with the blue Tories.

No surprise that Dugdale for the red Tories or Rennie for the orange Tories kept quiet about the Tory “nae borrowing” diktat.

Patrick Harvie did say at one point that public borrowing was cheaper than private but he failed to point out the straight-jacket of the UK fiscal framework and that was a serious omission.