Monthly Archives: July 2016

Oh No It Can’t Be

Friends and readers.

We hear that extra Trams are to be put on during rush hour, is that in order to try and capture the punters who can’t get a bus due to the extra congestion that will inevitably be caused by this bright idea.

If we leave aside the fact that the economic case for the trams remains so bad with multi million pound operating losses and other costs being picked up by the council that it still makes sense to scrap them, we cannot see the traffic justification for this.

Occasionally a tram will go past as punters are waiting in traffic either on or waiting to cross Princes St which has a reasonable number of people standing on it – but this is rare. The average load factor is well below 25%.

With absolute priority, that one tram will be holding up a load of buses, cars, vans, etc – perhaps 10 times more people delayed by the tram as are on it. How does that make sense? Add to that the narrowing of Princes St at St Andrews Square for the tram which has created a bottleneck at the East End and it is clear to anyone with even half a brain (which we believe leaves you overqualified to work in transport planning for CEC) that since the tram service started that it has only added to city centre congestion.

This smacks more of trying to do something to justify the ordering of way more units than required for the service than meeting any unfilled need. And of course the costs of operating these will simply increase the losses that the tram currently makes. Let us not forget the nasty rumour that if Edinburgh receives their share of the dosh supposedly coming from Westminster it may well be spent on yet another waste of money tram line this time from Granton to Newhaven. Who votes for these clowns.

Lights Camera Lies

Friends and readers.

Must be that time of the year again as we are being told how much dosh the Edinburgh Festival brings in and how well the City does out of it financially.
Well here’s a thought.

The same old guff comes out year after year. It is never subjected to scrutiny by any of the media asking basic questions such as how the figures are arrived at, whether they represent gross income or net profit, or where does the money actually go.

You can be sure however that little or none of this income actually goes to the likes of the City What a load of BS. Figures plucked out of thin air. If these festivals are so successful why do they require a multi million pound subsidy from Edinburgh’s council tax payers?

For every pound we spend on the arts is one less pound spent on, education, health services, social work, day care centres for our seniors, road/pavement repairs, the list is endless.

Every CEC budget has been cut, except for our party/festival budget of which the Council provides most of. Of course we have the golden words of Gavin nee naw Barrie chair of Economic Development whose famous line of, ”Festivals support one in five jobs” sets all our minds at ease and shows where CEC are at. Pilton sucks like the next punter loves a touch of culture but let’s be clear, not at any cost and not when it’s not inclusive which the Edinburgh Festival certainly Isn’t, It’s City Center based and doesn’t soil it’s luvie hands in the sprawling mass of the hidden Edinburgh, the Edinburgh that our noble elected members would rather forget about during this wonderful arts extravaganza.

This pot holed crumbling infrastructure of a City which is slowly being starved to death, although we have the world class Trams, certainly cost the earth will host the fun and games which we hope is a success and punters enjoy spending their hard earned on those pricey tickets. Here’s another depressing thought. Now that British Homes Stores in Princess Street is about to close throwing a few more out of work while Green the criminal relaxes on his pension paid for yacht, it could God forbid be turned into another tatty tartan gift shop churning out even more shit than we are already subjected to. Never a truer word spoke in jest.

Once Upon A Time

Friends and readers.

Pilton Sucks and it appears the majority of the Edinburgh punters were, are and always will be against those bloody Trams, what an extraordinary waste of time and money. We are now being told lies about how wonderful they are and packed to the brim with enthusiastic punters, complete bullshit. The public purse is being drained to pay the interest on the capital owed, and most of the stupid useless bastards that were bleeding us dry in TIE [Transport initiative Edinburgh] have long since disappeared along with their golden handshakes.

Hardie and his army of staff who are supposed to be investigating this farce are themselves milking the public purse, to find out what exactly. Let us help the Lord out. The Labour administration signed up for this disaster so start there, and find out who signed the contracts and if they knew how to sign their names. Take a closer look at Tom Aitchison the former chief executive, if you can find him. Ask that other crook three jobs Bruce what she knew, interview former Transport convener and now leader Andy pandy Burns, the same guy that sanctioned £90,000 plus for a machine to find the infamous Edinburgh pot holes, yes we remember that waste of money, wonder where that pot hole finder is now, although that other prize ass hole Prada Hinds told us all there were no potholes in Edinburgh.

And lets get Prada Hinds up before the Lord to explain her part in this massive cock up, and while the good Lord is at it he can ask Prada and her comrades what happened to the investigation into the laptops that were stolen, the same laptops that held all the information that the Lord would need, in order to pin the guilt on those responsible, isn’t that right Prada.

Now here is a classic quote from that should make you fall about laughing, and from you know who.

“It is concerning that there is still no timetable. Questions need to be asked about why it is taking so much time and costing so much.”

Prada Hinds had been strangely quiet for quite some time and bounces back with an infamous quote, as above.

We guess the irony of her words are lost on her…

Were they said recently about the Inquiry?
Or, during the construction shambles?

There’s no need for Macbeth, Cllr…
“If it were done when ’tis done, then twere well if done quickly”.

Pot And Kettle

Friends and readers

If it’s not that list MSP and branch manager Kami-Kazie-Dugstale spouting at the
mouth again, anything to get her mug in the papers again, what she forgets is she was not elected by the electorate into the Scottish Parliament, she got there by the PR list, which we think should be done away with, as you end up with the likes of Kami-Kazie-Dugstale who has no mandate by the people playing at politics who has never held down a real job, telling the people how they should lead their lives, also we see she has changed her mind about supporting her leader at Westminster, no wonder the electorate did not vote her in to the Scottish Parliament, she cannot be trusted, as her record shows, if the party in London Central tells you to stand in the corner, you will do it, because you are just a jumped up 5 steps away from tea lady.
We hope by the next elections for the Scottish Parliament she is gone.
She led the Scottish Labour party to a horrendous drubbing at the election and should have stood down if for nothing else, embarrassment, and given what the country now faces the thought of Kazie Dugstale holding the reins of power in Holyrood is nothing short of your worst nightmare.
The question must be asked as to how someone so incompetent ever managed to get selected as a candidate never mind leader, it’s completely mind boggling.
Yes certainly there is no real opposition to the SNP in Holyrood and it’s up to the electorate to watch how their MSP’s operate on our behalf holding them to account should they get complacent, but Kami-Kazie Dugstale is worse than hopeless, no hope, no ideas, no policies and no chance of ever getting near the corridors of power unless the electorate lose all sense of reality.
The decline of Labour have left them with the likes of Dugstale but the root of their problem goes way back to the selection of candidates in smoke filled rooms to the exclusion of those who did not agree with the hierarchy.
Let Sucks take you on a short journey back in time to when the Leith Labour party constituency met in rooms above Lawries travel at the foot of Leith Walk.Labour were strong then both locally and nationally but kept the selection of candidates to a select few and shut the door in the faces of anyone else who fancied a crack at public office. This in the longer term drove people away either to other organisations or just quit.
This then left Labour with a small cabal of greedy self interest only punters who kept it all to themselves and rigged selection meetings, commonly called busing them in. They can’t deny it members who have drifted off spoke openly about it but nothing was done as they had a grasp on power and thought they always would.
Just take a look at Labour locally and it tells it’s own story, with Eric teeth Milligan announcing he is to stand down after 43 years. 43 years that’s a joke and an affront to democracy Prada Hinds 30 years plus Ian brown envelop Perry much the same, former Socialist jambo Cardownie now SNP just as long, surely there has to be a limit to the time you can milk the public purse, after all the US President can only serve two terms.
Labours refusal to select people on merit and not whose ass they lick has contributed to their downfall and while they continue to ignore members who would like to try for office, they will continue to slide and end up with the likes of Dugstale and become nothing more than a fringe party belly aching and moaning, continued in fighting and offering nothing to the electorate except what might have been. Will the last member turn out the lights before they leave.

Tall Tale?

Friends and readers.

Below is a tall tale or is it, we shall let you our studious readership decide.

There were once a man and a woman who had long wished to lead the Labour party At length the woman hoped that God and the help of a few of her comrades were about to grant her desire. These people had a little window at the back of their house from which a splendid garden could be seen, which was full of the most beautiful flowers and herbs. It was, however, surrounded by a high wall, and no one dared to go into it because it belonged to an enchantress called Theresa who had great power and was dreaded by all the world, well a good part of it anyway.

One day the woman was standing by this window and looking down into the garden, when she saw a bed which was planted with the most beautiful poison Ivy and it looked so fresh and green that she longed for it, and had the greatest desire to give her contender for the leadership some of it to eat. This desire increased every day, and as she knew that she could not get any of it, she quite pined away, and began to look pale and miserable.

Jeremy was alarmed, and asked, “What ails you, Angie dear.
“Ah,” she replied, “if I can’t win this leadership battle i’m doomed to be stuck on the back benches forever.
Jeremy who secretly couldn’t stand her thought, sooner the punters re-elect me the better, let it cost what it will even if it is another 25 quid. At twilight, he clambered down over the wall into the garden of Theresa the enchantress, hastily clutched a handful of poison Ivy and took it to Angela. She at once made herself a salad of it, and ate it greedily. It tasted so good to her – so very good, that the next day she longed for it three times as much as before. If he was to have chance of being elected unopposed , Jeremy must once more descend into the garden. In the gloom of evening, therefore, he let himself down again. But when he had clambered down the wall he was terribly afraid, for he saw Theresa the enchantress standing before him.

“How can you dare,” said she with angry look, “descend into my garden and steal my poison Ivy like a thief? You shall suffer for it and forever be on the opposition benches.

“Ah,” answered he, “let mercy take the place of justice, I only made up my mind to do it out of necessity. Angela saw your poison Ivy from the window, and felt such a longing for it that she would have died if she had not got some to eat.”

Then Theresa the enchantress allowed her anger to be softened, and said to him, “If the case be as you say, I will allow you to take away with you as much poison Ivy as you will, might as well do the bitch in good and proper only I make one condition, you must give me your vote on the renewal of Trident which my Government will bring to the floor of the house. You will be well treated, and I will make sure the right wing press praise you to the hilt.

Jeremy in his terror consented to everything, and when the vote was taken and won Jeremy was loved by the press, loathed by a section of his comrades who hate him anyway, and worshiped by the arms manufacturers who pocket millions in developing and selling weapons of mass destruction.

Some time went by, it came to pass that Angela who by now was stupefied and bewitched by Theresa the Enchantress she dream’t that she was really a Tory plant put there to cause harm to the warm hearted if not a little devious Jeremy. Theresa the Enchantress told her to Bring with you a skein of silk every time that you leave the house so we know which way you are voting and I will weave a ladder with it, and when that is ready I will descend from my castle in Downing Street and offer you my full support in your desire to lead the rabble which used to resemble something.

But Angela had other ideas and decided to double cross Theresa the Enchantress. Thersa cried out “What do I hear you say. I thought I had separated you from all that crap on the other side of the House and yet you have deceived me.”

In her anger she clutched Angela’s blond tresses, wrapped them twice round her left hand, seized a pair of scissors with the right, and snip, snap, they were cut off, and the lovely braids lay on the ground. And she was so pitiless that she took poor Angela into a desert or her party constituency where she had to live in great grief and misery.

On the same day that she cast out Angela however, Theresa the enchantress fastened the braids of hair, which she had cut off, to one of the hands of Big Ben for all to see, or for her new best friend Jeremy to see. Aha cried Jeremy Angela has been vanquished and sent to her constituency no more to see the light and I am now the ruler of all I see, well at least till next week when the next Tory champion challenges for the Labour leadership, but until then, Falsus in unum falsus in omnibus[that's latin folks, we're not stupid you know]

All That Jazz

Friends and readers.

What a complete mess the Labour party are in, the comrades are up to their neck in shit and they are disappearing faster than a brexit voter. The right wing cabal who couldn’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves are plotting and scheming to get rid of the members choice Jeremy Corbyn. The best they can come up with is the dire Angela Eagle and some ex journalist who nobody has ever heard of. Unless this lot can fiddle the vote then the Corbyn man will win again and then what will they do. All this being played out in the public eye at a time when this country is not only crying out for a decent Government but a strong opposition to counter the Tories destructive policies. On the brighter side at least our mate Lesley Prada Hinds can’t stand for the leadership thank fuck but her ego is big enough, but just imagine the carnage if Prada was leader, then wee Nickie could stop prattling on about a second independence referendum and actually have it knowing for sure she would win it.

Anyway that nightmare scenario is not on so you can stop worrying and instead read our little ditty about a group of Labour MP’s desperate for a change of luck.

A group of Labour MP’s were touring Ireland. One of the MP’s in the group Angela Eagle was a real moaner, always complaining. The bus seats were uncomfortable or the food was terrible; it was either too hot, or it’s too cold; the accommodation was awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone in County Cork.

‘Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss the Blarney Stone,’ Jeremy said. ‘Unfortunately, it’s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.’

‘We can’t be here tomorrow,’ Angela shouted, ‘We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can’t kiss the stupid stone.’

‘Well now,’ Jeremy said patiently, ‘it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you’ll have the same good fortune.’

‘And I suppose you’ve kissed the stone?’ Angela scoffed rudely.

‘No, Angela’ the frustrated Jeremy said, ‘but I have sat on it.’

The Great Wall Of !!!!

Friends and readers.
For those that travel through the leafy exhaust fumed filled, over priced charity shop filled area of Stockbridge you could not have failed to notice the gap where the City Council knocked a wall down, Comely Bank Road to be precise. Well it appears that this eyesore is the subject of what is commonly known as a ransom strip, something that our vulture friends, lawyers love, fat fee notes for doing fuck all.

The argument of said ransom strip is between the Grange Club and Edinburgh Accies. Now this ransom strip is currently in the ownership of the Grange Club, who you could argue are doing the ransoming in order to try and screw as much money out of it as possible, they will need to once the greedy lawyers get their cut.

For the uninitiated, the reason the value of the land is so high is that without it Accies cannot access their development without crossing land in someone else’s ownership. For those interested, the main case relating to this is Stokes v Cambridge Corporation, a Lands Tribunal decision dating from 1961. Broadly, in that case the value of the ransom strip was held to be 1/3 of the development value of the site. In valuing the ransom strip in Stockbridge, the alternative access points to the development site would have to be considered. If there are no alternative access points, it would drive the value of the ransom strip up. We am not familiar with the fine detail of this specific case, but if the facts are as reported, we are talking about chunky sums of money.

Not only does the Grange hold the value of the ‘ransom strip’ but they also want to sue the Council too?!
Double bonus!
Triple if this course of action forces the Council to rebuild the wall, thus forcing Accies’ hand to pay the ‘ransom’ for which Grange would be the beneficiaries (and save Grange the cost and trouble of actually rebuilding the wall themselves).

Someone really did their homework there!! That’s quite an angle.

Quite sure the Accies wished they had someone with that sharp a mind in the first place. They might’ve realised “a 6ft wide slice, including the south perimeter wall” could create a problem from the off!

Interesting sideline in all this is that two of the local Councillors that allegedly represent that particular area are none other than Gavin nee naw Barrie currently chair of Economic Development and, well it would be wouldn’t it, chair of almost everything else, yep it had to be Calamity Jane herself Lesley Prada Hinds, if there’s a fuck up or a problem our Lesley will be involved somewhere along the line. Rumour has it that nee naw Barrie could be closer to the problem if he gets his way, as our reliable source at the City Chambers tells us that nee naw is attempting to jump ship from one SNP branch to another to try and secure a nomination for next years Council elections. Possibly something Jim racer Orr might want to insert in his blog.

It’s Showtime

Friends and readers.

The silly season is upon us now and some of our noble elected members will be going off on their hols, some of them will be opening their brown envelops to enjoy the fun in the sun. So where will they be going. We have heard that Steve jambo Cardownie will be going on a long haul trip with David Coutts tours, otherwise known as Fly By Night. Gavin nee naw Barrie is going on an expedition to try and find a conscience with a touch of scruples.

Vickie the hat Redpath will be doing her utmost to take in as much of the fringe festival as possible courtesy of the taxpayer of course, and she has looked out a few hats to wear from her vast collection. None of that for our old mate Cammy squint tie Day, he’s far to busy dodging questions about the decaying state of the Forth Ward, using Neighbourhood manager and raconteur Pete[formerly the perm] Strong as his human shield.

We hear that our bestest mate and Sucks favourite Lesley Prada Hinds is going on a round the world tour, with a one way ticket we hope, think they are looking for a Tram System in outer Mongolia Lesley so off you go and fuck that up as well. Diedre cobber Brock is taking a break from her parliamentary duties, although many punters think that’s what she has been on since she got elected to Westminster. While we are on the Westminster subject, did any of the anoraks that watch Parliament on the telly notice that career crook Michelle Thomson was sitting smugly on the SNP benches, seems they have conveniently forgotten about how she amassed her ill gotten gains.

It looks like no hols for wee Nickie as she continues to try and put Scotland’s case to remain part of the E.U. She must be sweating though as she could end up being the SNP’s David Cameron, forced by her party to deliver a referendum she does not want, for a result she cannot guarantee. No hols either for Tory hopefuls Andrea might have had a real job Leadsom and Theresa in and out May. These two will go designer toe to toe in a bid to cop the top job and get the keys to number 10 God help us all.

The £10 million Chilcot report has at last been published telling us what we already knew apart from the love notes between Blair and Bush, these two will enjoy their Hols but the thousands still suffering because of their foolish folly into an unjustified war will see no break from the continued conflict in that region, hope these two retired wealthy leaders can sleep at night.

Soon there will be holiday makers a plenty in Edinburgh to enjoy the heavily subsidised loss making festival which we are regularly told by Economic Development chair Gavin nee naw Barie supports one 1 in 5 jobs in this City, shameful if you get right into that debate, 20% of all the City jobs relies on the luvies spending their dosh which the City gets very little of, and in return 1 in 5 get to be low paid seasonal workers, lucky them. But to look on the bright side the hotels might have a bedroom tax of their own to contend with if the Council get their way, and it’s not a bad idea although the hotels and such like are very likely to tell the Council to fuck off if the Government has not already done so. £1 a skull to enjoy the potholes of Edinburgh and the rip off merchants who have a field day at this time of year.

Jambo’s mate and staunch nationalist Dave chancer Coutts has ownership of the former Tron church thanks to his mates on the Council so he should do alright thank you very much and we wish him well in all his dodgy ventures until he gets caught that is.

So there you have it dear friends, apart from the late news that has just come in. Newbie MSP Ben your honour MacPherson has received some early plaudits from a few punters who actually think he may do okay as MSP for Edinburgh Northern and Leith, we will wait and see, but we wish him well. One cautionary note or piece of advice we might offer Benny boy if we may. Don’t fall into the trap of tying to load the local membership with punters of your own choosing, it’s an old dodge and one the more experienced members will sniff out pretty quickly.

Happy hols friends and readers.