Monthly Archives: August 2016

Slam The Brakes On

Friends and readers.

Lothian Buses are in line to be fucked up by this incompetent corrupt Council. A perfectly good operation is about to be robbed of millions of pounds to help pay for an extension to a worthless, loss making, needless vanity project.

If you started a company, you’d need funds to invest. TfE just appears out of the dust of the quango ”Transport Initiatives Edinburgh”… and everyone assumes its ‘Edinburghs’.. but is it? What happened to the funds/assets in TIE? Why is it still an active company? We all just assume ‘the council’ has made a new company, but the same council had ‘no money’ to line the parks football pitches, or keep toilets open etc etc . “Its the councils company” folk say “but the council is ours isn’t it”? ….or is it? So who owns these companies .. they say they’re owned by the people but they’re not.. you can’t take your share or transfer ownership but you are the one paying for it .. you’re paying for the trams but cant just walk on or sell your shares.. Who owns these companies they make? Is it really just the lawyers making money?


Active SC443895

Cash: £14.6M

Net Worth: £90.9 million

Assets: £19.4M

Liabilities: £20.1M



Active SC267186

Cash: £0

Net Worth: £0

Assets: £0

Liabilities: £0

It’s only right that Prada Hinds destroys Lothian Buses as a final reminder to future generations what she and her party can do, and did, to what should be a wealthy, well maintained city. There’s nothing left to ruin, so why not? Crack on, sell Lothian Buses. At least the next administration and council tax payers will understand why the city is in the state it is in and can begin the arduous task of undoing the damage that has been done. The place is a mess. It’s bankrupt. Schools are falling apart. The roads are a disgrace and an embarrassment. People can’t get to or from work timeously in the early hours due to potholes and ludicrous speed restrictions, road closures and a multitude of other unnecessary restrictions. And £10s, millions poured down the drain every year on a seasonal tourist tram fiasco, going hand in hand with an unpayable debt. Statutory repairs. Baby ashes. Corruption. Cafe culture. Pollution. Congestion. Parking charges. Hogmanay Calton hill closure. £20 festive season access tickets. The list goes on and on.

Pilton Sucks is not the predicting type but on this occasion we cannot resist it.

We predict this carve up will Go ahead and at least one of the Councillors who are standing down will be given a substantial salary to be on the new board. Prepare for conflict ahead.

Sucks Lose Edinburgh’s Gain

Friends and readers.

No sooner as pound signs Harvie spoken of possible criminal proceedings over the Tram debacle than Andy Pandy Burns decides to do a runner, then lo and behold Sucks favourite character and the biggest horses ass in local Government Lesley prada Hinds decides to do a runner as well.

Sucks is bereft but the Edinburgh punters can breath a deep long sigh of relief, although the disaster she helped to create will take a long time to fix. Corruption has been rampant with senior officials lining their pockets while Prada and her mates done nothing to stop them. The air stinks of institutional corruption and never more so than when three jobs Bruce and Prada Hinds were holding hands.

It is inconceivable that in any other walk of life would you walk away after creating financial Armageddon with a golden handshake in your pocket other than RBS of course. Prada and her mob have brought this City to it’s knees and all the spin does not make a bit of difference, she has presided over the crumbling of a once great City.

Giving one last gut-wrenching gurn for the cameras, Lesley purred: ” I think all political parties in Scotland need to consider what is the role of local government and its responsibilities” That’s an easy one: Pick up the litter and empty the bins – (failed) Keep the roads pothole free – (failed) Provide schools that don’t fall around the pupils’ ears – (failed) Don’t spend money you don’t have – (failed)

While we all begin the celebrations, let’s us not forget those who will be badly affected by the departure of Lesley Hinds. Those who now will find it hard to put food in their mouths. Those who may now have to visit a food bank for the first time. Those who Lesley has generously provided for during her term in office, who now will go hungry. Those that may have to travel overseas to be able to find food in order to save their families stomachs being empty. Yes, spare a thought for the seagulls that have been emptying our bins far more efficiently than Lesley Hinds ever did.

The scenario could not be simpler for next May’s local elections. Give the residents what they want and what they want is as follows: street cleansing. Proper refuse collection. Fix the roads, pavements, street lighting, broken railings etc. Cancel the Xmas tat festival. Cancel the Cringe ( sorry Fringe ) or at the very least cut down the amount the city hands over for some back of an envelop figure that nee naw Barrie made up. Stop all funding for all the other festivals. And last but no means least, rule senior council officials with a sledgehammer. Insist they do what you and we want. They are public employees after all. If any do not like it, get rid of them and start with ERIC ADAIR and PETER WATTON, Hinds and her cronies let them away with murder and we must wonder why, mustn’t we.

Only one Councillor has tried to get these crooked officials and inefficient chancers that talk a lot and do nothing, as far as Sucks is aware only one Councillor has tried to do his best for the City and end this rampant corruption, Councillor CAMERON ROSE has tried his best and we commend him for that and hope he carry’s on. Former Councillor Elaine Morris also tried but she was gotten rid of when she was getting close to naming the real crooks in her midst. But Councillor Rose cannot battle on alone he needs support but clearly isn’t getting it from the Council leadership. We need elected members who will forgo their own gain and clean up this City and rid us of these corrupt individuals who think they are untouchable, that up to now have been. We cannot keep electing party hacks who sing the party song but don’t know their ass from their elbow.

The damage that Burns, Hinds and co have done is vast and yet they can walk away still living in la la land. The light of corruption burns brightly within Edinburgh shity Council and come next May if we elect people that will just listen and act on what bent officials tell them then we will be no better off. Your City needs you where are you.

On a side note what will Sucks do now that Prada is running away from her mess who can we turn to for the laughs and blunders that Prada gave us, who indeed. We know. Sucks supports Cammy squint tie Day for new Labour group leader, that’s if there is any of them left after the next election.

Licensed To Steal

Friends and readers.

The peoples champ Lord pound signs Hardie tells the mug punters that there could be criminal prosecutions over the mishandling of the Gravy Train commonly known as the Tram project. Should be criminal prosecutions is more like it as the gravy train quango jumpers robbed us blind.

In a nutshell, pen-pushers on the Council saw the chance to set-up Transport Initiative Edinburgh Ltd, giving themselves 9 years of jumbo pay-packets and bonuses unfettered by public scrutiny. Most also trousered hefty redundancy pay-offs when TIE was disbanded.

Willie Gallagher, the former executive chairman of TIE, surely has to be a prime candidate. There is absolutely no doubt that this man needs to be held fully to account for the running and implementation of the tram project in its early and crucial stages right up until his resignation in November 2008. David Mackay should be the next one in the dock to explain himself.

Lesley prada Hinds, Neil Renilson and Ian Craig should all face prosecution for this fiasco. Renilson and Craig were only ever interested in their own pay packets. As for Hinds well who knows what her game plan was except wanting a toy tram set that’s cost the city Billions. The 3 of them should get some of the bill for the inquiry and the cost of the trams.

Edinburgh council couldn’t prosecute a paper bag. No one in Edinburgh council had any responsibility for the Trams debacle they just spent the money and rubbished everyone who expressed concerns about supervision of expenditure. Now the numpties want to waste millions on a useless inquiry and some even want to squander another 250 million on a tram extension. Not in our Name and Not with our taxes.

Prada Hinds will arrive at court with the results of one of her make believe surveys saying she is not guilty. Works every time. And finally friends in this long running expensive inquiry which will end up being a white wash with no-one facing criminal charges and no-one called to account for their greed and fraud, is it just a coincidence that Andy Pandy Burns is stepping down in May!!!

Andy Pandy Say’s Ta Ta

Friends and readers.

It certainly smells of rats leaving the sinking ship as Andy Pandy Burns announced to us mere mortals that he was quitting politics, when did he start.

his arrogance carries on to the bitter end. You should hang your head in shame for the damage you and you party have inflicted upon this city. You are a disgrace to public life. He states he is proud of what he has achieved. Disgusting arrogance. The only thing you have achieved is bankrupting the city, carried on the culture of corruption since the day’s of Donald Anderson, failed to ensure our schools were safe, failed to keep the city clean, failed to provide an adequate refuse collection system, failed to maintain the roads, pavements, street lighting, traffic islands, railings, you have closed public toilets and much more. Your are a disgrace.

Sucks won’t dwell to long on Andy Pandy’s departure, although it’s not till next May, so he can still keep his nose in the trough. When Burns assumed the reins of leadership the City was in surplus, he is leaving it bankrupt without a pot to piss in, still in the clutches of incompetent Councillors and corrupt officials. More worryingly is who will replace him, surely it couldn’t be Prada Hinds, surely the Labour group is not that stupid but their track record shows they are worse than stupid. Let Sucks offer it’s plebeian opinion on the matter. If Labour want to guarantee getting humped at the polls next May then Prada Hinds is the punter for you.

Computer Say’s No.

Friends and readers.

So our bestest mate and Sucks favorite Lesley Prada Hinds is going to ask the punters their opinions on public spaces or green spaces which ever you prefer. Here we go another non event so the Council can do what they like and then say they had public support, bullshit of course but that’s what will happen. Let us give you a good example.

We remember when the Council held a consultation on Pilton Park, got told where to get off and then went ahead anyway and built offices on it. The offices had been planned in 1948 when almost nobody had a telephone, and needed a local office where they could sort out problems with the Council. By the time the offices were built, all that was needed was for the staff in existing offices to maintain a decent web site and answer the phone promptly. We can still remember a Council spokesman telling a consultation meeting, “It’s an empty space and it’s not used,” in the cold and rain of a February afternoon, as though the existence of an unused public space was justification for covering it with concrete. We find this all deeply suspicious: clowncillors are never more determined to ride roughshod over public protest than when they hold a Consultation Exercise. We doubt very much that the bulldozers will be sent to destroy the private gardens in the New Town, where the toffs walk their dogs. But We would not be surprised to see them destroying public spaces like the Meadows, Holyrood Park or Saughton Park.

Consultation goes something like this.

Option A – Ask for opinion and ignore anyway.

Option B – Identify minority opinion and adopt.

Option C – Identify brown envelope opportunities.

Option D -All of the above when possible.

Prada and her incompetents should not be allowed within 100 miles of Edinburgh’s public spaces. Do your job prada and have a serious look at the dreadful state of Scotland’s capital resulting from the fact the city has no money. And why does it have no money? Because we have a third world tram line that isn’t wanted and cost £1 billion. And why did it cost £1 billion? Because you lot are completely out of your depth and don’t have a clue.

Cheerio Lesley. You’ll be political toast come May 2017 if a legal case and charges don’t start before then. Allegedly of course. How dare you and the mediocre cronies in Labour and SNP continue to patronise the residents of Edinburgh with your trite soundbite tripe. Cannot believe you polled over 10k of votes at Holyrood election in May. Think you’ll be lucky to get more than 100 in 2017 votes for local councils. Resign and show some humility. Our city has been prostituted for cheap tourist and events schemes and the public are sick of it. Parking is a joke and the buses do their best despite your meddling. Go. Shut the door quietly behind you.

Hum It If You Like.

Friends and readers.

Keeping up with our Festival frolics we at Pilton Sucks though about a musical or adapting one to suit. So lets try Oliver with our very own cast of characters of course.

Directed by Cecil B De Mille
Pilton Sucks Writing Credits
Lionel Bart … (book)

Pilton Sucks … (screenplay)

Charles Dickens … (freely adapted from “Oliver Twist” by) Cast (in credits order)

Gavin nee naw Barrie …

Diedre cobber Brock

Cammy squint tie Day
Bill Sikes

Pete[formerly the perm]Strong

Andy pandy Burns

Steve jambo Cardownie
The Artful Dodger

Vicki the hat Redpath
Mrs. Bumble

Lesley Prada Hinds

Alan weasal Jackson
Chairman – Workhouse

Adam jobless McVay
Pauper – Workhouse

Ian brown envelop Perry
Pauper – Workhouse

Ricky flatulance Henderson
Arresting Policeman

Workhouse Governor
Eric crooked Adair

Workhouse Governor (uncredited)
Peter crooked Watton

Clerk of Court
Alistair clueless Rankin

Sue three jobs Bruce

Pilton Sucks … producer Music

Pilton Sucks … Cinematography

Cammy squint tie Day … director of photography Film Editing

Nigel mines a pint Farage … film editor Casting

Barnados … Costume Design

Gavin tree hugger corbett … makeup supervisor

Peter vallium Styles … chief hairdresser

Willie community socialist Black … special effects

Lionel Bart … music and lyrics [actually was]

Loraine half nelson Banks … holiday supervisior

Ben your honour McPherson … Liason punter

There you are folks, a little twist on things but it has all the makings of an Oscar winner. A fitting finale would be Steve Jambo Cardownie singing the show stopping song ”Got to pick a pocket or two”

Suckssie Wuksie

Friends and readers.

Continuing the theme of Scottish humour during this super duper loss making festival, although we are told it brings in over 300 million pounds to the City, aye but who fuckin gets it. That make believe back of an envelop comment is about as funny as jambo Cardownie passing a lie detector test.
But never the less here at sunny Pilton Sucks the humour is free and there is any number of comedians all vying to fuck you over, ain’t that right Pete.

Tourist: “I’m sorry, waiter, but I only have enough money for the bill. I have nothing left for a tip. Highland waiter: “Let me add up that bill again, sir.”

Sandy became depressed and decided to end it all by hanging himself. However, his friend Donald came along in the nick of time, cut the rope, and saved his life. Sandy, true to form, sent Donald a bill for the cost of the rope.

Donald: “Have you ever seen one of those new machines that can tell when a person is telling a lie? Sandy: “Seen one? I married one!”

Tony Blair, the former British Prime Minister, is being shown around a hospital. Towards the end of the visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of people with no obvious signs of injury or disease. He goes to greet the first patient and the chap replies: “Fair fa’ your honest sonsie face, great chieftain e’ the puddin’ race! Aboon them a’ ye take your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o’ a grace as lang’s my arm.” Tony, being somewhat confused (as usual), goes to the next patient and greets him. The patient replies: “Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it, but we hae meat and can eat, and sae the Lord be thankit.” The third starts rattling off as follows: “Wee sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous beastie, O, what a panic’s in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an chase thee, wi murdering pattle!” Tony turns to the doctor accompanying him and asks what sort of ward is this. A mental ward? “No,” replies the doctor, “It’s the Burns Unit.”

What’s the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone? A Rolling Stone says, “hey you, get off of my cloud!” while a Scotsman says, “Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!”

Send your votes into the lovies that fix oops sorry vote for the act that wins the Perrier award. If we don’t win fuck it their water is crap anyway.

P.S We see that Jambo Cardownies mate Davie laughing boy Coutts has written to JK Rowling, suggesting a new Harry Potter Title, Harry Potter and the Dodgy Council Deals.

The Pragmatist’s Optimist

Friends and readers.

We thought Pilton Sucks should be entered for this years Festival Perrier award, as it’s usually the shit that wins we figure a touch of Scottish humour might be in order, so here we go. Just as we think on it maybe Neighbourhood Manager Pete[formerly the perm]Strong should get the comedy award, as it’s a fuckin laugh what he gets away with. By the way any lucky punter caught sight of newbie MSP Ben your honour McPherson doing a surgery yet? Top prize if you have.
So here goes.

Sign at a Scottish golf course:

Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling.’

Do you know the first people in the UK to have double glazing were the Scots?…It was so their bairns couldn’t hear the ice cream vans.

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?…Och! it’s no that dark!

Have you heard about the lecherous Scotsman who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings? …. He sold her four of them.

A Scotsman took a girl for a romantic ride in his taxi…She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter.

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Scottish Caddie: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

What’s the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe? You can tune a lawn mower.

Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, ‘We’re going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.’

The Englishman responds, ‘I’d like to hear “God Save The Queen” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.’

The Irishman replies, ‘I’d like to hear “Danny Boy” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O’Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.’

The Welshman answers, ‘I’d like to hear “Men Of Harlech” just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.’

The Scotsman says quickly, ‘I’d like to be shot first.’

The Funny Story of Darren Doughballs and the Arab Sheik

Sheik Abdul Amunkir was admitted to the Western General Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out for help.

Finally a Scotsman, Darren Doughballs was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, Sheik Abdul sent Darren as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and 10,000 US dollars.

A few days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

Darren Doughballs was shocked that the Sheik did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him, ‘I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds and some money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street.’

To this the Arab replied, ‘Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.’

Old Archie had served the Railway Company as Guard on the local railway for nearly fifty years, and when his time to retire arrived he found the parting a severe wrench. Hearing how keenly their old employee felt leaving the service, the Company arranged to present him with an old coach to keep at the bottom of his garden to serve as a daily reminder of his active days on the line.

One very wet day some of his friends called to see Archie and were informed by his wife that he would be ‘on the train.’ Going down the garden they found Archie sitting on the step of the carriage, smoking furiously at his pipe and with an old sack over his shoulders to protect him from the downpour.

‘Hello, Archie,’ his friends greeted him, ‘why are ye no inside in a day like this?’

‘Can ye no see?’ replied Archie with a nod towards the windows, ‘they only sent me a non-smoker.’

There you go friends and readers, funny or what. Possibly as funny as Prada Hinds having a sensible thought or Diedre cobber Brock remembering she actually has to do something to earn her wages plus expences, or even better Cammy squint tie Day defecting to the Tories, oops sorry he already has.

Hired, Very Slowly

Friends and readers.

A little bit of info came our way recently via our friend in the City Chambers, we have to say that we had a good old cynical laugh when we heard it. Read it yourselves and have a cynical laugh on us.

Our bestest mate and Sucks favorite character Lesley Prada Hinds got into a taxi from her office recently an the driver decided to drive all the way home to her house at 20mph and she went totally nuts when the driver said to her he was just showing her how slow an bad it would be if everyone was going that slow she went nuts again and told the driver it was to slow she then the next day reported him to the cab office. Isn’t it funny how it isn’t good enough for her but is forced on the rest of us.

This is Prada at her best, getting it wrong all the time. It’s time she called it a day along with Andy pandy Burns before the voters have their say in May next year. Surely the punters won’t return her if Labour are stupid enough to select her. The SNP should never have gone into coalition with Labour with the smart choice being to allow them to run a minority administration thereby voting on an issue by issue basis. But no and it was left to the clueless Adam McVay SNP Councillor and vice convener of Transport, another jobless wonder who thinks he knows it all to try and defend the 20mph unworkable nonsense.

It never ceases to amaze Pilton Sucks that individuals who have never had a real job of any kind of worldly experience get selected and elected to office not having a clue about the realities of life but can hum the party tune. More often than not they don’t even live in the ward they propose to represent and that in itself should prevent them from standing. The criteria for public office should include having had gainful employment outside of the political world, again potential candidates should be prevented from standing if all they have had is some pitiful research job with another politician.

Good experienced people are often overlooked in favor of party hacks or those than can stack meetings to their advantage. The result of having none of that criteria when being vetted or selected is what we see in Edinburgh now, a mess with corrupt officials getting their own way while clueless Councillors worry more about what allowances they can get than whether they are delivering services to the over stressed citizens of this City who are treated with contempt. No doubt as nomination and selection meetings fast approach we can expect the usual bunch of party hacks and jobless wonders thrust upon us.

Pilton Sucks has a encouraging few words for them. Fuck off and let those that have done something other than write and argue over meaningless resolutions take up the reins of office. Then we might see this City run properly and in the interests of the citizens.

P.S Has anyone seen Gavin nee naw Barrie Economic Development convener. The punters down Stockbridge are still waiting on a solution to the ransom strip issue that both you and Prada Hinds have avoided like the plague. The Grange club still want a million quid for it, tossers that they are.

The Fossilized Argument

Friends and readers.

So National greedy Grid are trying a new angle on the land that they have owned for years, buy a gasholder get 40 acres of land free. This lot of chancers have repeatedly refused to deal with the issue of this crumbling monument, a monument we may add that has had listed status since the start of the new millennium, some 16 years ago. It’s not through the lack of opportunity or cash both of which National greedy Grid have had plenty of, they thought that it was a quick buck opportunity for them when they first bought the land, and they could ride rough shod over the local Community and get their way.

Ah Ha not just a bunch of working class numpties who could be swept aside and like mushrooms be fed shit and kept in the dark. No indeed not, as promise and promise after lie came Forth [no pun intended] from greedy Grid in an attempt to get their own way, even though we the punters had at the helm of Economic Development the worst ever convener, although Gavin nee naw Barrie is giving him a run for his money, Frank fingers Ross, surely he must be catching up on the biggest horses ass in local Politics Lesley Prada Hinds.

Even Fingers Ross could see through greedy Grids con game and that’s some going as fingers has difficulty remembering his own name, although according to some of his colleagues he has quite a few choice names none of which we can print as we are a family blog site. The North side of the City has been treated with contempt for a long time, except during election campaigning, and then it seems we are at the center of the electoral universe, until voting is over then we are all put back into our boxes and ignored for the next few years.

It is well known that the Forth Neighborhood partnership is a joke and is only there to service those that shout the loudest, isn’t that right Willie, backed up by manager and raconteur Pete[formerly the perm]Strong. We read the website and understood that the Partnership was supposed to have a revolting oops sorry revolving Chair, Freudian slip, yet Cammy squint tie Day has been the chair for a very long time so hows that then? It’s a mere coincidence that, according to several well placed sources the Partnership [ironic as it's anything but] has deteriorated over the piece and many experienced activists have lost faith in it.

So with this shabby backdrop comes National greedy Grid trying to offload their problem onto some other poor bastard. No doubt they will con a few of the local worthies but their track record is in one word shit. Yes more housing is desperately needed but that’s not a new story, it’s been on the go since Thatcher’s right to buy stitch up when the City couldn’t use the capital receipts from Council House sales to build new homes and froze the dosh. So as a matter of interest what happened to that money which if stashed away in some high interest earning account must amount to a fair bit now. Could it be that this is the money the City is supposed to be getting back as a way of a regeneration gift from the Tories, our own money surely not, couldn’t possibly be could it?

If so and we are getting back what we are owed then lets build some good old fashioned Council Houses and forget about wasting it on some fucking Tram shit. Don’t let Burns or Hinds near it and keep it at arms length from nee naw Barrie, he will do what Jambo Cardownie tells him to and invest it in Coutts enterprises.

Might give it to honest broker Jim racer Orr ex SNP now independent but wants to rejoin the SNP because he knows that if he stands as an independent candidate next May he will get humped. At least if racer Orr gets his hands on the dosh he won’t moan about it for 6 months or so then go crying about what might have been.

Experience warrants caution when having anything to do with National greedy Grid, and close scrutiny, micro like scrutiny will be required. In addition Let’s keep senior officials and cheapo crooks Watton and Adair a mile away from any potential deal, if not they are certainties to want their palms greased while fucking it up at the same time, just look at their miserable CV’s.