Monthly Archives: October 2016

Laughable and Insulting

Friends and readers.

So cuts supporter and loud mouth, Scots Tory leader Ruthie bulldog Davidson has been named Scottish politician of the year. Well three cheers for her given that in reality her mob won just under 15% of the vote at the May Holyrood elections, the lowest ever that the Tories have polled in Scotland, and with Ruthie at the helm. The vast majority of them were elected on the pathetic list sysyem which if allowed to continue will damage the credibility, or what’s left of it, of Scottish politics.

Davidson is only shining because Dugdale is so useless and who herself was elected on the list after failing miserably in trying to con the voters into giving her a first past the post victory. Ruthie failed against Boris, failed to convince the public not to vote Brexit. She has presided over the Tories losing the overall percentage of the vote in Scotland year on year. It is only the anomalies of the Holyrood electoral system that got her so many seats. On First past the post the Tories would have been decimated.

As the SNP star starts to dim and wee Nickie begins to look and sound like a lost sheep, and not without her own internal numpties to deal with she has failed to keep her finger on the pulse instead preferring to look and sound completely out of her depth over the Brexit issue. Her handling of the recent meeting she had with PM May was nothing short of disastrous and instead of seeking the best deal for us before Article 50 is invoked in March next year she behaved like a spoilt child who had her sweeties taken away, hence her popular nick name nippy sweety.

Since no alternative view is allowed in the SNP much like Labour used to be, and look what has happened to them, then her band of MSP’s and Mp’s tow the line, and will continue to tow the line until they think they cannot win again with nippy as leader, and that day dear friends is coming right around that corner. You don’t have to look far to see the mirror image that is happening within the SNP.

We recently spoke to a former leading light in the Edinburgh Labour Party who told us that what is happening right now in the SNP is exactly what happened in the Labour Party years ago and which directly led to it’s demise. She told us that both Diedre Cobber Brock the SNP MP for Edinburgh North and Leith and Ben your honour MacPherson MSP for the same constituency are actively trying to alter the constituency party to mirror image what they want. And since no internal discord is allowed then members can only privately voice their concerns, for the time being that is.

We at Sucks cannot confirm or deny if this is true as we cannot find anyone who will say what exactly is going on within the ranks of the SNP but it sounds like a familiar doomed to failure story. All we can say is that our reliable source has many years experience of the back stabbing and private meetings that go on within politics both at local and national level which result in members leaving with only the hardcore of hand chosen clones left to run the organisation.

This is sadly what becomes of a political party who thinks they are unassailable, clamp down on any opinion which differs from the party line, hand pick office bearers both at branch and constituency level, or that bow down before the MP and MSP’s private gang, before the meetings ever take place, and present it as a democratic decision. Well it’s not new it’s all been done before and it always ends in tears.

This insidious culture is a creeping virus and those that don’t want to be seen as different or have an alternative view will fall into line, those that do express concern or should have the audacity to express a different view from the party hacks will be sidelined.

So dear friends the real news is not that some Tory was named Scottish politician of the year, people queuing at food banks or struggling to make ends meet don’t give a flying fuck who is named what, the real news and shame is that your Government is failing you, it’s priorities are not what you think they should be and the people who you voted for to push and look after your interests are preoccupied looking after their own interests, and that dear friends is the inevitability of clones disappearing up their own backsides.

Piling Up

Friends and readers.

The geniuses at the City Council have come up with a 65 point plan for doing what they are paid to do, keep the streets clean and for God’s sake empty the fuckin buckets.

First point must be to get rid of that useless tosser DAVID LYONS the six figure salaried senior manager who has managed to turn this city almost single handedly into a rubbish tip, with a little help from our old mate and complete horses ass Lesley Prada Hinds, IS SHE NOT GONE YET.

So it goes something like this

Have pre meeting
agree agenda
have main meeting
set-up working party
working party meets [once]
working party meets [twice]
working party meets [again]
working party creates action plan
management meet to look at action plan
then set-up subgroup
subgroup meets[once]
subgroup meets[twice]
subgroup meets[again]
subgroup meets[and again]
subgroup meets[and again]
subgroup meets[and again]
action plan finalised
management meet[sit on hands]
management meet[sit on hands again]
management meet[and again]
management meet[and once again]
approve action plan
street now even dirtier and rubbish piles up
action plan needs to be changed…
management meet
and it all starts again.

So we have an “action plan” – wowee!
No doubt this is the result of “learnings” derived from a management away-day where much playing with lego allowed teams to be built (whatever all that guff means). No doubt the “plan” will be well larded with “Key Performance indicators” that “managers” will diligently monitor using a terabyte of specially produced spreadsheets, all of which will be pored over using totally unnecessary powerpoint “decks” presented to a monthly gathering of swing-tag bedecked underachievers clutching an obligatory skinny-latte-macchiato-frappa-wotsit.

Nothing will actually happen as the workshy ingrates who are actually sent out to do the rubbish collection will never actually be in danger of any management leaving the confines of coffee-central to do their job. How many consultants did they have to “engage” with to discover that a “brush” is useful for removing litter from the streets? How many hours of dedicated meetings dd it take to realise that big rotating brush veicles can’t actually clear away anything from a street full of parked cars (the dotted white line down the middle of the road doesn’t need to be polished).

“weeze gonny use ra smaller wans” – sheer genius – you’d better phone up Toys-R-Us and see if they have any model ones in stock as they’re the only size relevant for modern streets. Bring back handcarts……….. While we’re at it, let’s deflect attention away from our crass incompetence by blaming commercial premises and holiday lets – sorry boys and girls, that’s just too transparent – instead of “brainstorming” excuses, just do your jobs and if you haven’t the ability, have the integrity to walk away, head hung in shame. It’s not rocket science or world peace that we’re asking for, just picking up rubbish.

Ghoulish Nightmares

Friends and readers.

The punters favourite blog site good old Pilton Sucks has read in that other blog site that a Halloween shin dig will take place in Pilton Park this week, and we at Sucks think there are characters a plenty to take up the roles in a classic or Sucks version of The Adams Family.

Oh and by the way before Sucks waxes lyrically holiday specialist and care manager Loraine half nelson Banks will no doubt be taking a short break to celebrate Zombies in Pilton. Maybe our pal half nelson can go dooking for apples while dressed up as a zombie, how apt.

Any how on to the main event as the cold wind whistled through the Muirhouse shopping arcade with Greggs stake bake bags and discarded betting slips whizzing past the punters faces only to land in the freshly laid dog poo. Romantic, yes we know but it all goes together in the rich tapestry of nasty takeaways and discarded ever so slightly soiled mattresses.

Halloween beckons and our larger than life characters gather together and plan how to scare the shit out of the local worthies, With Neighbourhood Manager Pete[formerly the perm] Strong AKA Uncle Fester actually planning to answer a question with an honest answer, jeepers fright night indeed. Willie community socialist Black lurching around in his charity shop brothel creepers makes his part simple to cast, yes friends oor Willie is type cast as Lurch.

The plot thickens dear friends as Uncle Fester and Lurch try and carve up the rent payers dosh for their pet projects. Suddenly out of the shadows as our two ghouls plot in the shimmering moonlight up pops the retiring queen of mean hoping to become a thespian, we think it’s thespian, yes friends hoping to grab the limelight yet again, as she was turned down for Strictly Come Dancing, of course it’s the star turn and Morticia Adams double Lesley Prada Hinds. Even the zombies are afraid of her.

And then there were three. Morticia, Uncle Fester and Lurch bond together in an unholy alliance to try and scare the punters from getting involved, or it’s Sunday title Community engagement. But who is this coming out of the bushes having relieved himself of a full bladder, why it’s Cousin Itt grinning from ear to ear having not only just relieved himself of a full bladder but having pissed all over the voters for what seems an eternity, yes dear friends it’s the living dead or quaintly known as Cousin Itt to his mates, Cammy squint tie Day.

And then there were four. But wait dear friends contain your excitement for jumping off the bus having tried to get a free ride something he has been doing for years, is another retiring, blood sucking chancer, which would be more than enough to get him a part as a zombie in the North, but alas dear friends our newest thespian has his sights set rather higher having negotiated at taxpayers expense naturally the role of the Thing, why it’s none other than our Watch with Mother dodger Andy pandy Burns, on reflection maybe playing a zombie, was more suited to his talents as he wouldn’t have had to act.

And then there were five, is there no end to this Halloween nightmare. Nope not yet. A taxi draws up to the door of the Local office in West Pilton Gardens the sight of many a travesty and a cauldron of punters trying their extreme best to do as little as possible for as much as possible, a juggling act which many have mastered as they bob and weave between the truth and the not so true, in fact such is their artistry that both the true and the not so true have merged to form a Frankenstein type of truth, something constructed out of bits and pieces but bears no relation to reality, yep that sums up the local office in West Pilton Gardens.

Oh yes where were we, yes a taxi draws up the passenger is only seen in silhouette and from the headlights of the stolen motor bikes as they fly by. Who could this mysterious stranger be. Frank fingers Ross perhaps, Gavin nee naw Barrie who is currently denying he ever knew Steve jambo Cardownie, careful Gav deny him three times and you might end up like our Biblical theologian Peter. But wait on dear friends we have forgotten someone, yes the joker in the pack Vicki the hat Redpath who only comes out at night, something to do with coffins and stakes we think. But we hear that Vicki the hat is currently auditioning for the part of widow Twanky, think it’s Twanky in the Muirhouse arts Xmas Panto, that time of the year again oh fuck no, bah humbug.

So it cannot be the hat lady, the fear level rises, surely not Ben your honour MacPherson trying to play the part of a hard working MSP. Nope he’s currently embroiled in trying to rig the SNP branches and get his minions in the constituency to dance to the tune of ”We welcome everybody as long as they do what I want”
The taxi idles and idles, so we know the taxpayer is paying the bill, so who could our sixth and final character be. The door of the taxi swings open, on the pavement side of course, can’t disrupt the neds racing up and down the street on their stolen motor bikes. Still we cannot see who it is as none of the fuckin street lights work. Our mysterious character moves silently forward towards the steel shuttered spray painted doors of the local office.

Fester, Lurch, Morticia, The Thing and Cousin Itt are frozen to the spot, unfortunately Cousin Itt’s weak bladder is playing him up, but there is never a bush around when you want one. The shadowy figure edges ever closer as Morticia cry’s out, ”Everybody hates me” but Fester quick as ever with the repartee reply’s ”not half as much as I do”But dear friends as the shadowy figure emerges into the dim moonlight only brightened by some more darling neds letting off fireworks which they bought locally from a smiling retailer, a head appears apparently moving in a forward motion unaided, just a trick of the moonlight helped of course by the multi colored Catherine wheels being let off in close proximity.
And just as you think the night couldn’t get any worse a clearer image of our mysterious stranger becomes visible.

Yes friends and readers just to add insult to injury the identity of the mysterious stranger is revealed, yes it’s Gomez Adams, better known as City Chief Executive Andy pale face Kerr, who seen a star in the East and followed it all the way to the local office in West Pilton Gardens. ”I have come bearing gifts for the plebs” ”more money for decent housing” ”more money for pavement and road repairs” ”Community policing to help keep the peace and get these little bastards that are making decent citizens life a misery”

Yes friends let the party begin

C’mon Mate Empty My Bin

Friends and readers.

What do you think consumes the thoughts and chat of the cafe society of Muirhouse? Could it be the fresh smell of dog poo, or what will become of the country now that it has voted to leave the members only European club, or possibly the fiscal disaster coming towards us as Teresa single syllable May’s Government flounders on the rocks, or even, when will Willie community socialist Black take his next lottery funded holiday.

Possibly none of these as banners have been hung proclaiming the imminent departure of the much loathed Lesley prada Hinds. It’s almost as though the skinny latte punters have awoken from a nightmare which has lasted far to long. The City Council is in a mess and quite a few of it’s honorable members have decided to cut and run before the ship keels over. So this dedicated bunch of selfless chancers who have precided over wide scale corruption and the turning of a once proud city into a tacky potholed takeaway can now slink away to seek their fortune elsewhere, without having to work for it of course.

Pilton Sucks has long asked for a complete review of what these officials actually do to earn their six figure salaries and does this include expenses so they can purchase their own brown envelops. This City is crying out for a large scale clean out of senior officials who care not a jot for this City only for the fattening of their own pockets. This of course has been helped along largely through the ineptitude of some of our illustrious elected members who have been only to willing to listen to these crooks without questioning any of the advice they receive. That alongside the consultancy culture has cost the taxpayer a small fortune, and for what, precious little it seems.

We have to question the legitimacy of arms lengths companies, and the preferred contractors list both of which are clearly open to corruption which our well placed source says is a licence to print money but not for the City. The scandal of the repairs saga which we know only to be the tip of a far larger corrupt iceberg has yet to be fully investigated and much more criminal prosecutions brought forward. The private deals made between officials and those earning large sums of money from Council contracts should be made public and the correct action taken.

In sunny Forth the preferred contractors have fucked up a number of projects where tax payers money is involved and indeed a reader sent us detailed photographs of one project which has yet to be finished yet the contractor concerned has been paid, what we wonder has neighborhood manager and raconteur Pete[formerly the perm]Strong got to say about that, no doubt a cobbled together excuse we wager. To much taxpayers money is wasted on third rate workmanship with no supervision and accountability for the money wasted. Mr. Strong is accountable to the local punters but if you listen closely you will hear nothing but the standard officials excuses.

But wait on dear friends for salvation is at hand in the form of newbie MSP Ben your honour MacPherson. Benny boy has hit the ground running but unfortunately for the wrong things. He according to strong rumours has been busying himself trying to get his own band of minions in place so he can secure his own nomination next time round. It’s not a new idea Labour did it long before Benny boy was a twinkle in the SNP’s eye. It resulted in members leaving and support dwindling, the result being what we see now, a tired aimless party with only memories to think about. If our Benny is not careful then this facebook politician will help sink the SNP’s boat, you have been warned.

But all that aside the cafe society of Muirhouse have much to ponder, until Jeremy Kyle comes on the telly or wee Nickie frae Govan stops prattling on about how she will save Scotland from the brexit nightmare. For fucks sake Nickie get on with the job of governing Scotland instead of trying to divert our attention away from the growing problems in our Education system, our Health Service and the fast becoming disaster of Police Scotland.

Fat Pete And The Tar Bucket

Friends and readers.

Once again refuse collection or the lack of it is making the headlines. Now the geniuses that be are suggesting that punters on Community Service should help in this task of refuse collection. Well we at Sucks think this may work if done properly and we think that workplace bully and coward JIMMY HEWITT who might still be hiding in the employ of Health and Social care, this former pig farmer should be first in line to empty buckets.

HEWITT escaped punishment for his serial bullying of staff by being protected by his seniors who were well aware of this bastards activities, but chose to do nothing, so get him out of his turd hole and get him emptying bins.

In North Edinburgh refuse collection is a joke and not a funny one. Bins go uncollected for weeks on end and recently one of our readers contacted us to report that the bin lorry in her street just rushed past buckets without even stopping leaving at least 20 buckets not emptied, and that’s just in one street. We know that this is reported to the Council but nothing is done except useless sound bites from Prada Hinds who should be bucketed herself.

Now we are told that the cosy deal which allowed refuse collectors to work only a half shift while getting paid for a full shift is to end, why the fuck was it allowed in the first place. The filth that is littering the streets is beyond disgusting and along with those little fuckers who are terrorizing residents of Muirhouse on stolen motorbikes we need, no demand that it all be cleaned up. No if’s or but’s get the fucking streets cleaned and the buckets emptied, and those little bastards that are terrorizing people have to be taken off the streets as well or as we have heard vigilantes will do the job required.

We do not support the taking of the law into our own hands but if the police are hampered by legislation as to exactly what they can and cannot do then we suggest two things. More police on the streets in that area blighted by these little shits, which means priorities need to change, so instead of chasing motorists for unpaid tax or something stupid like that, take these officers away from being tax collectors for the Government and put them on the streets in the North of the City where they can do more good.

Ditch that useless strategy called Stronger North, waste of fuckin time or get people on to it that will do something. The majority of residents in the North of the City are good decent people who want to live in a clean relatively quiet Community. They are being denied both. Sucks will be out on the streets watching and photographing refuse collectors not doing what they are paid to do, and we will pass our findings on to the Council. Sucks suggests a meeting of the movers and shakers in the North side of the City to come up with a strategy, a workable strategy to end the plague of youths terrorizing residents on stolen motorbikes.

What the fuck have we become if we can’t do something to stop these cretins ruining a Community where the majority are trying to improve it.

The Pillion Passenger

Friends and readers

Your favourite blogsite remains as always impartial when it comes to the dirty world of politics, nor do we at Sucks enter into the rumour or conspiracy machine, but sometimes just sometimes there are little tit bits which are to good to ignore and indeed as you have guessed we have some of those tit bits for you which we are delighted to share.

The silly season is over and our rulers are back from their breaks hard at it again, but as we have learned some of our political friends will be leaving the gold fish bowl of politics after many years of service mainly sub standard but we live in an imperfect world don’t we?

So the rumour machine has cranked back into life and Sucks ever ready to devour news even if it’s not come from a reliable source are happy to play along.

First we hear that our old pal and property magnet Cammy squint tie Day might be looking to up sticks from Sunny Forth and impose his dapper self on the Inverleith ward where our bestest mate Lesley Prada Hinds is retiring to bloat her bank account elsewhere. It is also rumoured that Vickie the hat Redpath won’t be re standing in sunny Forth but we shall see. We know now that Steve jambo Cardownie is also standing down and the SNP must fancy their chances of getting two Councillors elected in this ward.

Rumours are abound as to who the candidates for Labour and the SNP will be in this highly politicised ward. Word has reached the eager ears of Pilton Sucks that Dave elvis Pickering is sniffing around should Cammy get a free transfer to Inverleith, along with one other which may be Vickie the hat or not as the case may be. With Jambo standing down his not inconsiderable experience will be missed but the SNP seem to be blessed with two very high profile members within their ranks.

Strong rumour has it that George the knowledge Gordon will be their number one candidate which makes sense given his local standing in the ward. It’s the potential number two candidate which makes this ward a potential winner for the SNP. We have heard Fred Hibee Marinello’s name mentioned a lot and anyone who has seem him in action particularly chairing meetings would see this as a dream ticket for the SNP. Both have stood previously but together they would make a formidable team and very hard to beat.

We would suggest that if these two were selected and elected then the days of officials running the City would end very quickly. But politics being what they are sometimes things don’t work out the way you may think and our experience tells us that if the SNP truly want to be the largest party in the City Chambers come next May then candidates of the calibre of George the knowledge Gordon and Fred Hibee Marinello is what this City needs.

But much deliberation in non smoked filled rooms across the City will take place before anything happens, but our readers can be sure that Sucks will be following all the slipping, sliding and of course the back stabbing before the May 2017 vote.