Monthly Archives: December 2016

The Elephant Is White

Friends and readers.

So our friends over at the Edinburgh Evening News have told us what most of us already know, the Tram system is crap and a complete waste of money except for a few anoraks who are employed as spokes ass holes for the Council.

For the benefit of the various Agenda 21rs, flat earthers and friends of the fairy’s at the bottom of the garden, we at Sucks would like to give our view as Edinburgh residents.

A team system on a par with Amsterdam would be a fantastic thing to have. Ours is a joke, and has already pushed the city to financial Armageddon. Our roads are shocking, waste collection is appalling – even in the cash cow areas of the old and new town. Our council continues to push for an extension despite these problems.

The key figures in the project such as Councillor Lesley Hinds have repeatedly been shown to be liars, and have proactively obstructed the progress of the tram enquiry. An investigation into the standard line, what lessons can be learned from the disastrous first phase has produced nothing and has cost a fortune up till now.

They have tried to force through an extension (or completion) of the line to Leith, without admitting what mistakes led to the drastically curtailed and mismanaged project. Therefore, they have lost the trust of the people. The anger that is coming out is not directed at the concept of trams, per se. It is at the constant betrayal and lying of those whom we pay to run the city, and who deliver so little to its citizens in return.

Let’s not forget the Council pen-pushers who transferred to a limited company and awarded themselves eye-watering pay packets, all hidden behind the cloak of ‘commercial confidentiality’. These bastards are amongst the real criminals in all this. Why was chief crook three jobs Bruce allowed to bring in a consultant at a cost of a £million to sort out the mess that still exists, why is Bruce not being dragged before this joke of an enquiry.

Labour have already announced in their manifesto for the Council elections in May that they or what will be left of them will push for an extension, listen and you will hear the death march playing for Labours chances at next years elections. It appears from strong rumours circulating that SNP Councillor and Economic development convener Gavin nee naw Barrie is also in favour of an extension, wonder if he will put that in his leaflet should he be selected to stand as the SNP candidate in Inverleith.

There has never been and will never be a business case for having these white elephant trams, it was all based on a lie where a few criminals posing as Council employees made a few quid and done a runner. Everyone of these wankers involved in this fiasco should be dragged up in front of Hardie, named and shamed and all the money they stole returned including three jobs Bruces’s pal. But that won’t happen, no-one will be blamed for this truly awful mess and the city and it’s hard pressed citizens will be left to pick up the tab once again.

Citizens ask yourself this, come next years Council elections would you support and vote for a candidate who was in support of wasting more money on a Tram extension rather than concentrate on delivering services and ridding ourselves of corrupt officials. When they come asking for your vote, ask them directly what their position is on a tram extension, and make sure you get an answer or tell them to fuck off.

Medicean Queen

Friends and readers.

The Xmas litter is out in the uncollected buckets, surprise surprise with the end of the year in sight. The nation’s favourite blog site PIlton Sucks has given our friends and readers much to ponder and laugh over and we are sure 2017 holds much more in store for Sucks to delve into.

But we still have a little time left in 2016 to bring you a laugh or three while the unopened box of fartening chocolates lie begging to be opened and devoured. The kids are all bored now and the parents are weary, with the returns counters in the shops doing a brisk trade.

Soctmid is open again to let the rest of the queue go home after being locked in over Xmas and to let the new queue take up residence. The best present of all was the announcement that our best mate and Sucks favourite Lesley prada Hinds was retireing from local Government that’s when the party really got started. Wonder what our old mate will do with her time now, definitely won’t be spending more time with her family unless you count arch crook and former Chief Executive Sue three jobs Bruce as part of the Prada clan. Judging by their recent little get together something is cooking in the kitchen and we are sure all will be revealed soon and Sucks will be right there bringing you the latest sleaze. Rumour has it dear friends that oor Lesley got a nice wee presie from SSE for all her help and support in securing SSE a lucrative contract with Edinburgh Shity Council.

We strongly suggest that when this lot of Muppets are thrown out in May the new Council should with immediate effect suspend the contract with SSE and seek to offer the tender out to a more competitive supplier. We also strongly suggest that the crooked preferred contractors list be scrubbed and that also opened up to more competitive bids. This corrupt Council some of whose senior officials have been lining their own pockets at the taxpayers expense, be fully investigated for fraud, embesselment and theft. Corruption is a byword for this Council and this corrupt cess pit has to be cleaned up which it won’t be by the present incumbants.

The citizens and hard pressed taxpayers now openly talk of Edinburgh shity Council being bent and full of crooks but are seemingly powerless to do anything about it as a massive cover up ensues and tissue of lies constantly are fed to the mug punters. But this is not the case the citizens do have the power to rid themselves of this most corrupt of Councils by supporting candidates who are not party hacks or have never had a real job other than researching for some other politician, candidates who will as a matter of priority bring this crooked house of cards to its knees and rid us of these corrupt self-important officials who have been getting away with it for years, supported in some cases by inept couldn’t care less Councillors.

We have suggested Two ways in which to do this, by scrubbing the openly corrupt preferred contractors list and removing SSE as the power supplier for Council housing stock. Make officials far more accountable and do the job you are elected to do run and manage this City and not just for a few weeks a year when festivals are all the rage. But be careful as you might be haunted by Economic Development convenor Gavin nee has Barrie playing his favourite record over and over again “one in five jobs is festival based” that’s disgraceful in a City that boasts about its 21st century vision. And while we are at it how much money does Edinburgh Council get in from these festivals and how much do the multi nationals make out of these somewhat tacky festivals, the answer would be interesting but the question won’t come from nee naw Barrie his officials have him firmly on side. Maybe the voters in Inverleith might be interested in that question.

We desperately need courageous and experienced individuals as candidates for office, individuals who are not content just to go with the flow or support some cranky party whip even when they know it is wrong. Individuals whose primary concern is not what allowances they might get on top of a salary but who will push for change and removal of corrupt officials. The messes that this Council have healed upon us are two numerous to mention but we must mention two the truly bungled Tram disaster and the housing repairs scandal. This more than proves Sucks case for the prosecution where theft and corruption on a massive scale were the order of the day. Edinburgh transport ininitive, need we say more.

Edinburgh has been dragged through the mire with the pinnacle being the worst appointment this shity Council has ever made, the appointment of Sue three jobs Bruce. Not for us the love affair our local paper had with her, we knew she was crooked and offered up proof, yet no action was taken and when heat was getting to much she took the money and gong doing a runner, what a disaster she was. Sucks has spoken to two senior Councillors who told us that they knew Bruce was a crook and wanted her sacked but we’re told to shut up and say nothing or lose the whip. Colusion being the thing to do.

We named other senior officials who we knew to be feathering their own nests but again no action taken. Even the Evening News named an official who handed out a completion certificate for a community center that was not only uncompleted but dangerous, was this official removed, why of course not just the usual shit churned out “lessons have to be learned” complete bullshit. He should have been immediately suspended pending investigation and sacked when found to be totally negligent. If it were some low paid front line employee that’s exactly what would have happened and we point to the Muirhouse Social Work center bullying scandal where the victim was harassed and abused by management for coming forward and lifting the lid on workplace bullying, while the perpetrator former pig farmer JIM HEWITT got off with serial bullying and retained his position with no action taken against him whatsoever despite overwhelming evidence proving HEWITT was a cowardly little bully.

So dear friends this City desperately needs people of courage and integrity not party hacks who haven’t a clue what day it is or have avoided working in the real world. Sucks knows of at least two experienced knowledgable individuals who would be more than prepared to clean up this Corrupt council, there must be more. Come forward and help us clean up this horrible corrupt Council.

The Absolute

Friends and readers.

Santa’s been, those brave or stupid enough to face the family Xmas lunch we salute you. For those sensible enough to avoid that dreaded confrontation, and are either keeping themselves under the duvet till it’s all over or working, well done. For the rest the endurance test begins. On with the telly and the first thing you see is the happy smiling face of an actor pretending to work for DFS and trying to sell us three piece suites at a bargain price of course and Easy Jet sales, with all the other sales telling us over and over again that they all begin on Boxing day, oh and if you are lucky enough to be on line then you can start your spend in between mouthfuls of someone elses over done turkey and those awful can never cook them properly Brussel sprouts, maybe have to call them something else now that we are heading for the EU exit door, or better still ban them under the public health act.

Still the fun begins and the Xmas party punters can choose between Tom Thumb or the fuckin Wizard of Oz yet again, better with the Great Escape at least we can live in the hope that Steve McQueen will get over the barbed wire fence this time. The alternative if you can call it that is facing the kids or grand kids and the mayhem that ensues. For the teenagers it’s the latest gizmo’s or hard cash anything less is unacceptable, and you may be conned into playing one of those death games on the new X Box that has interactive this and that, almost like killing real people, great fun,and all this while they text their virtual mates in a language undiscovered as yet, on their new I phone 6s whatever the fuck that is. On the plus side it’s unlikely you will see them till spring or until they want the newest add on shit to the shit they already have.

For the younger little darlings it’s the baby version of the above, just as tacky and just as expensive. You just hope and pray that boredom doesn’t set in before bedtime or you have enough batteries of the right size and type, that’s a mystery of it’s own. You have just spotted that Singing In The Rain is on and after watching Strictly that doesn’t seem to bad an option even if you have seen it enough times to wish that Gene Kelly would catch pneumonia. But dear friends just as cousin Felicity had taken a bit out of her sister Lizzy, up pops that other Lizzy taking a few minutes out of her weird family’s get together to give us her 10 minutes of patronising, a vacuum in this hurricane of the family fun day.

Still it’s part of the tradition that the kids knock fuck out of each other or the batteries ain’t the right size and type causing the UN to step in and try and get peace to break out. Turkey, sprouts, potatoes of the roasted variety and the usual mixture of veg that no-one eats, or the kids chuck at each other or better still ground them into the fake wood flooring with a vengeance thereby leaving a lasting impression of their presence.

Aunty Jean arrives with the trifle she has been constructing since October in her new second hand car which brings murmurs of Tory bastard, aye up pops all the little prejudices that have lain dormant for a year. Our hostess Mrs A who like a battle hardened General has been planning this day for months has become so stressed that she thinks the Turkey is still alive and might need another couple of days in the oven.

The relatives pour through the front door presies in hand and grins that suggest delight at not having to cook a thing as some other poor bastard has got that unenviable task. It’s all kisses and hugs until something goes wrong and something always goes wrong sending our glamorous hostess Mrs A into a meltdown which she manages to disguise with yet another glass of 90% proof brandy that was meant for the truly dreadful Xmas pudding. Aunty Jean is bending a poor suckers ear about what a good deal she got on her second hand Peugeot and only three years till it’s paid off. Mrs.A has lost most of her body weight running back and forwards checking that the Turkey is really dead and the sprouts are not soggy, and Aunty Jeans Trifle is not radioactive.

All is quite on the kids front which suggests that indeed the batteries are of the correct size and type and they can get a signal on their I Phone’s. Granny who is permanently stressed endeavors to help out in the kitchen but is met by Mrs. A fleeing from the scene of the crime screaming that the sprouts are soggy and the roast potatoes have shrunk to 20% of their original size and she doesn’t have a back up, never mind the DFS sale starts on Boxing day. The family dinner is on the brink of disaster, the relatives will talk about this day for a long time to come, and just to add salt in the wound Felicity has taken another bite out of her sister Lizzy and the table extension won’t work.

The silent rumblings of discontent emanate from the invited guests who are starting to talk amongst themselves while kicking a kid or two that dares to ask for a battery change. The telly is on in the background and Gene Kelly is still singing in the rain while on the other side Dorothy has just met the tin man, no point in turning to Sky it hasn’t worked since it was installed but the engineer is coming in April to take stock of the situation, but you still have to pay or risk getting cut off and missing the Judge Rinder omnibus.

Yes dear friends this is a taster of the extended family Xmas dinner. It might make you want to visit DFS or better still grab a place in the POW camp and not bother trying to jump the barbed wire. Come to think of it was the real reason Steve McQueen didn’t make it over the wire just so he could avoid the specter of the extended family Xmas dinner.

Singalongasucks 3

Friends and readers.
This time it’s to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

The restroom door said ‘Gentlemen’
So I just walked inside.
I took two steps and realized,
I’d been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices,
Turned and found the place was occupied,
By three nuns, two old ladies and a nurse.
What could be worse,
Than three nuns, two old ladies and a nurse?

The restroom door said ‘Gentlemen’
It must have been a gag.
As soon as I walked in,
I ran into some old hag.
She sprayed me with a can of mace,
And hit me with her bag.
It just wasn’t turning out to be my day.
What can I say?
It just wasn’t turning out to be my day!

The restroom door said ‘Gentlemen’,
And I would like to find,
The crummy little creep,
Who had the nerve to switch the sign.
Because I’ve got two black eyes,
And one high heel up my behind.
Now I’ll never sit in comfort or joy.
Boy oh boy!
Now I’ll never sit in comfort or joy.

Singalongasucks 2

Friends and readers this time it’s sucks version of Jingle bells, Jungle Bells

Dashing through the streets
In a stolen GTI
Through the estates we go
Laughing cos we’re high

We hot-boxed the car
Burned a teenth up in my bong
Man I’m really caned
This can’t go on for long

Jungle bells, jungle bells
Joyride through the night
Oh what fun it is to steal
A rude boy’s GTI

Oh, jungle bells, jungle bells
Joyride through the night
Oh what fun it is to steal
A rude boy’s GTI

Seemed a good idea
We’d just take it for a ride
Pink Floyd on the radio
My mate Dave by my side

Stop at Tesco Express
Get Rizlas and cigarettes
Dump it in an underpass
In trouble no one gets

Jungle bells, jungle bells
Joyride through the night
Oh what fun it is to steal
A rude boy’s GTI

Oh, jungle bells, jungle bells
Joyride through the night
Oh what fun it is to steal
A rude boy’s GTI

But things don’t go to plan
The cops are on our tail
Dave starts to get scared
As we hear the sirens wail

We crash into some bins
The airbags they inflate
The cops surround the car
This Christmas ain’t so great

Jungle bells, jungle bells
Joyride through the night
Oh what fun it is to steal
A rude boy’s GTI

Oh, jungle bells, jungle bells
Joyride through the night
Oh what fun it is to steal
A rude boy’s GTI


Friends and readers.

We at Sucks love our xmas songs, our versions that is and here we have a beaut for you.

This classic is to the tune of Winter Wonderland.

Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,
From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,
I’m happy — although
My boss let me go –
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There’s beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web!

Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, “Yo, man!
Don’t you know tonight’s the boss’s do?”

With a listless shrug, I mutter “No, man;
I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!”

I don’t phone, don’t send faxes,
Don’t go out, don’t pay taxes,
Who cares if someday, they drag me away?
I’m happily addicted to the Web

I’m happily addicted to the Web!
Happ-ily, ad-dict-ed to the Web!!!

The Three Of Us

Friends and readers.

In the last of our Xmas treats, we at Pilton Sucks would like to end on a high, a legal one of course and bring to you our version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. yet another timeless classic with a Sucks twist.

There were three bears who lived in one of Edinburgh’s charming and quaint inner city housing estates . There was a big bear, medium bear, and a wee bear. One day when they left their house after an all night party which allegedly included recreational narcotics and which had the neigbours up in arms, a little girl named Goldilocks walked into their house. The bears had made porridge and a strange looking cake with a pungent aroma .

Goldilocks tried the big bear’s porridge but it was too hot but had a slice of the cake with the strange pungent aroma, she then tried the medium bear’s porridge but it was too cold, but had another slice of cake with the getting stranger pungent aroma. Then she tried the wee bear’s porridge and it was just right, so she ate it all and polished off the cake, by this time she was seeing bears and pink colored elephants everywhere.

Then, she sat in all of their chairs. The big bear’s chair was too hard and it seemed to have hot rock burns on the arms of it, the medium bear’s chair was too soft and this chair definitely had hot rock burns on the cushion of the chair, but the wee bear’s chair was just right so she sat there until the bottom came out of it revealing where the bears had hid their stash.

Goldilocks felt tired and no bloody wonder given the amount of space cake she had downed so she went to big bear’s bed but it was too high at the head in other words she had that floating feeling with a whitey coming on , the medium bear’s bed was too high at the feet, yep the whitey has come on strong , but the wee bear’s bed was just right so she fell asleep there.

The bears returned home and realized someone had eaten some of their porridge (and all of wee bear’s) and their prize and joy the space cake, sat in all of their chairs (and broke the bottom out of wee bear’s) finding their stash, and lied in all of their beds (and was still in wee bear’s). Goldilocks did not hear the big bear’s voice because it sounded like thunder, to much space cake , the medium bear’s voice sounded like a dream, definitely to much space cake. but the wee bear’s shrill voice woke Goldilocks up and she saw the three bears sitting on the edge of her bed,must have been good stuff, and ran out the window. The bears never saw Goldilocks again.

Rumour has it she is still running, well her legs are anyway.






The Blame Game

Friends and readers.

Andy pandy Burns is having a moan about the funding for Edinburgh shity Council, suggesting a further £10 million of savings will have to be made. Yet this very same inept corrupt Council are employing 6 new desk pushers at a cost of £800,000. So let’s start there we don’t need these punters to do what exactly, that will improve and enhance our service delivery, why nothing of course, just another drain on the public purse.

Don’t you just love the creative and imaginative ideas these councillors come up with. Green Councillor Gavin Sooty Corbett wants the government to allow a “tourist tax”. That’s right, the only solution to any problem the political types can come up with is “tax it”.
As for a tourist tax… A city in decline with litter filled streets, decaying roads, over priced poor quality hotels and every second shop sells tartan tat. And you want to tax these poor souls for the privilege!

Now Here’s a thought. If only we didn’t have £6 million in interest payments every year, for the next 30 years, to pay for his tram failure. That figure is if interest rates stay at the current low rate. And just to add insult to injury this lot want to extend this failure of a Tram System and spend even more millions, get rid of them and at least 20% of the senior managers. Inept Councillors with little or no real job experience listening to corrupt officials who are in it for what they can get out of it.

When arch crook Sue three jobs Bruce took the money and gong and ran for the sanctity of SSE that was the politicians opportunity to get rid of more crooked officials, they didn’t or could’t or just plain did not know how to. This City is in a financial mess and all the good news spun story’s coming out of the Council cannot make up for the fact that gross mis- managemet from both elected members and crooked officials are a major factor in this City’s decline.

No point in voting Tory in May next year at your disgust at the way this Labour/SNP coalition has messed things up, might as well not bother voting at all. No Sucks has a better idea. Willing candidates who will tackle this corruption should come forward and stand as independent candidates ridding us of this decaying party politics. Candidates who would have no problem making these officials accountable including pale face Kerr for their actions.

Maybe Economic development convener Gavin nee naw Barrie who is so in love with festivals should walk up and down the high street wearing a billboard advertising these festivals, then we could cut the funding to them, he could also be given a loud speaker to announce to any fool who wants to listen to him that one in 5 jobs is festival based, change the record Gav it’s an embarrassment, spend your time getting these officials of yours to actually develop something and not just what lines their own pockets.

The real sin in all this is that the SNP have said and done nothing about Labours inept management, and yet punters voted for them to deliver a different kind of local Government not more of the same shit. They may well be punished for their inactivity come May and it would be no surprise to see them lose a number of seats as punters waken up to the fact that they have been sold very short by the SNP. Political popularity comes and goes and who’s to say that non party candidates won’t do well in May, we have to try something else, party politics and self interest has ruined this city, and if the voters of Edinburgh vote this lot back in in May then we will only have ourselves to blame.

Aye Aye We Spy

Friends and readers.

Pilton sucks as ever has it’s ear to the ground and we have heard from a little birdie that our old mate and soon to be riding off into the sunset Lesley prada Hinds was seen deep in conversation with former City chief executive and arch crook Sue three jobs Bruce at Jury’s Inn in Jeffrey Street Edinburgh.

Now we can only speculate about what these two former loyal colleagues were nattering about, and we at Sucks love a good old speculate. As you know friends and readers three jobs took the money as well as a gong and ran for the hills all the way to the board of preferred City contractor and power supplier for the Council house stock SSE.

Now SSE are not without their own skeletons having been fined for mis-selling products to punters, but that doesn’t seem to have had any bearing on their cosy relationship with the shity Council.

So let’s get back to a spot of speculation. Could it be that Prada and Three jobs were snuggling up together with Prada looking to get herself a wee seat on the board of SSE with the help and backing of three jobs Bruce. It certainly points in that direction and we are sure that our friends at the Edinburgh Evening News would be interested or should be interested in why such a meeting was taking place.

A question that is we feel an obvious one is, who exactly pushed through or encouraged a tie up with SSE, maybe that question should be directed at Housing convener and another of our old mates Cammy squint tie Day. We are sure the answer would be worth listening to.

In the meantime we hope that these two close buddies enjoyed their lunch and Prada didn’t charge it to expences, three jobs certainly would have, but we know that oor Lesley who has been devoted to not only feathering her own nest but occasionally very occasionally and as little as possible dealing with pesky constituents would have declared her meeting with three jobs as after all with oor Lesley being a loyal Councillor and devotee of democracy she wouldn’t have any truck with something that might be a conflict of interest. Would she?

Greed Plus Expenses

Friends and readers.

our readers and most sane minded people are rightly outraged by Edinburgh shity Councils hiring of 6 new desk pushers at obscene salaries at a time when Council services and front line staff are under increasing pressure and threatened with redundancy. Council leader Andy pandy Burns justification of this was simply appalling and proves what many hard pressed citizens are saying, that he and his cronies from all party’s are out of touch and simply don’t give a dam, giving rise to the growing clamor for the City Councils new moto


It seems to most if not all citizens The pay rates are excessive and across quangos and local government alike, as well as the many ‘arms length’ type of companies are used to constantly bid up the going rate more and more. The rhetoric, as it used to be in banks, is of ‘public service’ and the idea these people are simply in it for the money is routinely treated as absurd..but the fact is they are as motivated by the money as any in private businesses.

The problem is that, similarly to the banks, it has undermined the ethics and even morals of public governance…the fake idea of cities ‘competing’ or ‘failing’ because of the quality of their chief executives, and the ever increasing cadre of ‘top’ execs around them is risible. There are legions of CEOs (used be called Town Clerks) all claiming they and their pals are responsible for delivering success… because the metrics used measure success in a city are a joke.

We suppose the rate of increase in the number of people paid over £100K is as good a metric as any…so lets make sure our city leads the way..come on Edinburgh! Wake up and start bunging up salaries for the poorest paid the ones who actually deliver the services, the front line staff.

The Tram project, and subsequent problems in the city even after it’s start, has been a worldwide, unmitigated, disaster..and has made Edinburgh a byword for bumbling, head-in-the-sand local many execs saw their pay reduced or their services dispensed with because of it.. that’s right, not one. No instead the great and the good hire even more highly paid trough drinkers while our quality of services diminishes before our very eyes. Who is going to stand up for the hard pressed service user in Edinburgh, certainly none of the elected generals have come out and said that this hiring of a handdful of nonentities is a disgrace and a sickening slap in the face to those whose very quality of life depends on sevices now under threat.

What have we become that we tolerate such obscene decisions like this, why do we seem to turn away and pretend that it’s nothing to do with us, it’s everything to do with us. Those who push themselves forward for election should be psychologically examined first to see if they actually understand what it means to hold office yet allow appointed officials to do apparently what they like. Edinburgh is a byword for corruption and yet no-one stands up and say’s enough is enough, no more corruption, we will rid this temple of philistines and vagabonds who dip their snouts in the trough.

Politicians come and go but officials are forever, bending the rules to suit themselves and in effect organise and run racketeering using the existing system to hide behind. We need to elect people who will not worry about their own interests but will take this City by the balls and take away the power of officials to do what they like in our name. We now have a bloated local authority, bloated with excess to the detriment of services they are employed to deliver. There seems to be no shortage of money to pay unnecessary desk pushers, but no money to improve the lives of those so dependent on the services that most of us pay for.