Friends and readers.
We may indeed be leaving the EU at some stage but the real question that is on everybody’s lips has not been addressed, who is going to deal with the Scotmid queues. The political establishment cannot get to grips with this issue and the European Parliament has ducked the issue for years.
When asked recently about international issues the new American president Donald silverkrin Trump got very animated and suggested that given the outcry about the queues in Scotmid he would advocate building a wall but might have difficulty in the first instance reducing the queue before undertaking such a project.
Putin broke into a sweat when asked about the problem citing he would never spend any of his vast fortune in Scotmid as he wouldn’t live long enough, not to spend it but to stand in the queue trying to spend it. The United Nations have put sorting out the Scotmid problem at the top of their to do list once they find out why they exist in the first place.
All the great minds of the 21st century excluding Lesley Prada Hinds have failed to come up with a solution to this preferring to ponder on why the fuck would anyone want to vote Labour, another complete mystery. Scotmids sell by date products have a ten year date on them such is the time it takes to get any service. In fact we have it on good authority that several Scotmid outlets still have the Queens Silver Jubilee ginger bread on sale, but it’s now buy one get one free.
Disney were rumoured to have wanted to make a film about Scotmid but they felt it was more likely that Peter Pan would be collecting his pension before the queues went down. When the first man on the moon Neil Armstrong visited Scotland he was heard to say what he had said when stepping on to the moon all those years ago, after getting served in Scotmid, ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND. In fact we have it on good authority that there are still a couple of punters in the queue who started queuing as Armstrong stepped onto the moon.
The weather forecasters are starting to issue weather warnings with a rider adding that if you are going to shop in Scotmid you should bring clothing that suits all weathers given we cannot guarantee what season it will be when you eventually get service. Indy 2 may well have a third question on the ballot paper, Would you vote for an independent Scotland if we could shorten the queues in Scotmid, that makes a yes vote a certainty.
There is a move we hear to have ballot boxes put into Scotmid for the up coming Council Elections, there’s 20% of the vote right away, might want to think about proxy voting as well, because the punters might be in the queue a very long time and may ask someone who is cute enough to avoid Scotmid to vote for them, while they down yet another bottle of Valium to relieve the stress of standing in the Scotmid queue.