Monthly Archives: May 2017

Trick Of The Light

Friends and readers.

Difficult to gauge at which stage of this mind numbing General Election campaign do you the mug punter voter decide enough is enough and that strong and stable leadership is just another phrase for I wear brighter clothes than the other guy. Put under the stage lights and pin sticking interviewing by Jeremy poker eyes Paxman half shut May power dressing et all faltered badly when quized by poker eyes on her plan to screw the pensioner, sick and infirm. Flustered by her own inability to tell the truth on this possible election decider she decided the best form of defence on this occasion was back tracking attack. No cap then yes a cap but no figure given, but it will be means tested, but there will be a green consultation paper, which she will bin should the Tories get a big majority.

Her team of advisers and spin doctors didn’t advise her very well on what was sure to be a subject that poker eyes Paxman would take her to task on and in his own depth charge way did, and doing so exposed what a Tory Government will do to our welfare state in general. The Tories should the voters be stupid enough to return them, and dear friends never ever under estimate the stupidity of the average punter, will make the welfare state a thing of the past while using the money saved to pay the whopping Brexit bill coming our way.

Half shut May shifted uncomfortably on her seat slithering like a snake on heat as poker eyes smelt blood and went in for the kill. Sensing that half shut May might crack under the ever hotter stage lights he asked her how much will be the Brexit bill be. She ran round in circles because clearly she doesn’t know and what she does know might frighten the voter so it was down to the tried and tested, it’s all down to the negotiations bit. Trying hard to look strong and stable in her seat the camera angel went for the wide view and showed Poker eyes Paxman sitting bolt upright while half shut May was propping herself up on the chair using her elbow flagging under both the stage light heat and the piercing questions of poker eyes.

Now any body language expert worth their salt will tell you that half shut May was using the chair as a crutch and defence against the onslaught of poker eyes who clearly seen that as a wry smile crept across his face like a rising sun on a clear morning. The audience was the usual mixture of a few members of the public and lots of party hacks, as was displayed with the seal like hand clapping routine so often displayed at these stage managed events. Even more amusing was the polite hand clapping at the end of the interview as the camera spanned the audience catching a gentleman of the Tory persuasion standing to applaud when half shut May was finished. He quickly looked around and when saw no one else was getting up to applaud quickly sat back down, the old fashioned place man, positioned near the front for greater effect and clapping every time half shut May uttered her words of, we are the good guys just misunderstood.

Did the Prime Minister look strong and stable in the imitation leather seat and getting hotter by the minute stage lights, no she didn’t but kept her posture as she was advised to do slightly forward to look purposeful and precise. Was she, well that’s up to the mug punter voter, she failed to quell the rising tide of resentment over her welfare plans and she looked flustered at times. Was she purposeful, well she adopted the sitting position as she would have been told to, she would have gone through what poker eyes Paxman was likely to say to her, and would have been advised to power dress to give the impression of that strong and stable shit she has punted throughout the campaign. She cringed at times and looked very uncomfortable which was highlighted by the camera close up’s.

Does this event have any bearing on the result, minor at best but as the polls draw closer then minor is all that’s needed, but what it did show was if this nation returns half shut May with a big majority, then look out unless you are one of the off shore tax dodging fuckers who have robbed from this Country and robbed from those who need state help most. Have these Tory fuckers blocked the tax dodging loop holes, why of course not, it’s their pals and funders. Billions of pounds that should have come to the exchequer lie gathering dust in far flung off shore tax havens. Will the Tories if returned claim that money back, not a chance they will make you and me and everyone else that can breath pay up. Don’t vote for these bastards they will kill you slowly but they will kill you.

We Found Noah’s Ark

Friends and readers.

Baton down the hatches, we are heading into the final furlong of the great General Election con. Half shut May called it cos she thought it was in the bag, and even after showing their true colours gloating was still the order of the day believing they could not lose. Now the murmurs of discontent from the her back bench rabble are getting louder half shut May has to come up with the goodies or else.

She was going to get you with that slimy smile believing everybody had a drug dealer on speed dial , but hey hey you fucked with the silver machine and their legacy’s, end to the triple lock, if you are old or sick then tough pay up or shut up, and dementia to bad. So the poll lead starts to narrow, what looked to be a thumping majority looks more like a whimper, so wheel out the man in drag Home secretary Amber Rudd to fuck it up even more. May’s own legacy from the Home Office is coming back to kick her in the ass and now looks what she always was a sound bite politician.

Good news we suppose for the other party’s in Scotland particularly the SNP who were staring down the barrel of a gun and must now be dancing for joy particularly in the Tory marginals. Now all they need to do is hammer the Tories on their Social welfare cuts and treatment of pensioners and who knows they might not loose as many seats as was first forecast and wee Nickie frae Govan can relax a little knowing she won’t be facing a challenge from any of her loyal colleagues, although she still has that ass hole Pinocchio Shepherd to keep an eye on, but he’s busy at the moment trying to hold on to his own seat while interfering in local authority politics in Edinburgh isn’t that right Benny Boy, careful you don’t get found out, oops you already have.

Rumours are abound and doing the rounds of discontent in the City Chambers due in part largely to outside interference. Head scratcher McVey the hapless SNP group leader could we hear be heading for troubled waters if rumours are true, wonder who is winding him up from the back, three guesses readers, but it’s pretty obvious even to those outside the inner circle like Pilton Sucks who is at the bottom of all the rumoured grief. Watch this space for more info on this back stabbing saga.

But in the meantime while head scratcher McVey is damaging the SNP there is still a General Election to win and lose depending which party is your favoured poison. One Labour seat left in Scotland Murray the mixer in Edinburgh South, apart from trying to put the blockers on a deal between the SNP and Labour at Council Level for his own political gain, which if the voters found out, which they have now might find him spending more time with his family, he has a big fight to hold on in the leafy suburbs of the South, as does torn face Cherry the Social Media Queen. But the SNP whose bubble has not quite burst if not a little squidgy still have the whip hand and could put up a good showing and if it were not for the crooked antics of Thompson then Edinburgh West might have been retained. It’s difficult to see where Labour can make gains but it’s not impossible, but it is impossible for them to get back to their former glory in Scotland. The Lib-Dems with spend a penny Rennie apart from making comical political broadcasts don’t have much of anything going for them and safe to safe it will be how many deposits can they save.

Corbyn is the one who is most likely to be smiling even after the roasting he got from Andrew Neil, all but written off by the offshore owners and Tory supporters in the media he has made a bit of a comeback and is having something of an Indian Summer as we move into the final stages of the campaign. If it wasn’t for the cowardice and back stabbing from within his own party then who knows what might have been, hope these wankers are proud of themselves, in helping the Tories to a huge early lead.

Half shut May is looking a bit frazzled at the moment and not as cocky as she was earlier on in the campaign. Now caught out trying to shaft the sick elderly and infirm she has been partially hoisted on her own petard, never mind the tripling of the national debt, and the Brexit mess. The smoke screen the Tories tried to create and make the voter buy into almost worked and still might but not to the extent which they wanted it to. Their off shore tax dodging pals must be sweating a bit more today, and this after promises of the status quo for them when and not if the Tories won. The ruling classes must be pissing themselves just now and might just panic and jump ship hoping to be swept up in a potential Corbyn Britain. Evidence of this is starting to emerge in the broadsheet heavies, where more questions are being asked of half shut May and not quite as much bile directed towards Corbyn, sure sign of bet hedging.

So the canvassers and leafleters are coming to a door and letterbox near you with promises of green and pleasant lands and a vision of a better future should you vote for their candidate, aye right Pilton Sucks and it’s members are voting for the flat earth candidate, at least we know he is talking shit and not trying to hide it, while the rest, well that’s up to you.

Up The Anti

Friends and readers.

Not long to go now and electioneering is back in full swing. Pilton Sucks is offering odds on who will win the Edinburgh Northern and Leith Constituency. Here are the latest odds

Diedre cobber Brock 1/1

Iain I’ve had a job McGill 7/2

Gogsie the snake Munro 5/1

All the other runners are offered at 150/1

Sucks is offering a speciality bet of 25/1 on Adam head scratched McVey having a clue what he is doing and 4/5 on that Cammy squint tie Day asks Lesley Prada Hinds for advice, more or less commiting political suicide.

Top Of The Flops.

Friends and readers.

We have had a request to try and put the party election broadcasts in their order of crapieness and patronising. Tall order as we are spoilt for choice they are all pretty shitty but we will try.

We have thought long and hard for about 5 minutes and come up with our top three
1) In first place and it wasn’t an easy choice is the Lib-Dem effort were Willie spend a penny Rennie goes to the door of a supposedly unsuspecting punter who opens the door only to see spend a penny Rennie grinning at her like a scene from fright night. She proceeds to grin back and a conversation takes place which the lucky viewer is not a party to. Surely not a set up it couldn’t be.

2) In second place but only just is the latest SNP masterpiece which is done in silent movie style but without Charlie Chaplin or The Keystone Cops. Its almost frightening as the unsuspecting viewer waits for something to happen like torn face Cherry sitting writing on Social Media (someone must have told her she was good at it for a laugh) It’s a weird one alright should have gone out after the watershed and before Have I Got News For You.

3) In third place where she should be is Ruth pit bull Davidson threatening Armageddon if you don’t vote Tory. She’s a beaut and makes torn face Cherry look like an angel. Her eyes look right through you as she snarls under her breath and she walks like she needs the toilet all the time. With the Tory groupies neatly stacked behind her like tailors dummy’s she makes her threatening points of what will happen if you vote anything but Tory.

So there you are friends and readers our top three crappy election broadcasts.

Buddy Holly Sung The Blues

Friends and readers.

Oh boy Peggie Sue got married while her mother looked after the kids. Here we are back in the saddle riding the electioneering horse and it’s all to exciting to bear. The punters in the South of the City have the prospect of the awful Joanne torn face Cherry being returned for the SNP, Jesus that is a frightening thought, while the very lucky mug punter voter in Edinburgh Northern and Leith has the prospect of people loving Diedre cobber Brock getting first past the post and a return to Westminster plus expenses.

Yes friends Hobson’s choice and it’s all yours to make. The party activists will be out today in the sun before it rains trying to persuade you that their horse is the one to back which we all know is bullshit it’s all been said before and it was bullshit then. The throngs of party hacks or the one or two that can be bothered will be hiding behind bushes or attached to some make shift crappy stall ready to pounce on you the unsuspecting punter thrusting a leaflet or some other shit into you hand as you try to balance your shopping bags that are about to burst sending your cut price milk crashing to the ground and spilling all over your NIKE trainers.

Go the backstreet route as the hacks won’t venture there and make sure you are fleet of foot ready to burst into a sprint if need be. Yes friends only a couple of weeks or so before E day and back to normality while the winning candidate waves goodbye with two fingers and can relax and workout how much plus expenses they can scam while doing as little as possible, Cobber Brock has written a handbook on just those very things. Torn face Cherry just sticks two fingers up.

Have your avoidance plan ready, don’t get caught out day dreaming of a politician free world otherwise you will get nabbed in the activists web asking you all sorts of meaningless questions while sliding a leaflet into your hand and horror of horrors asking you if you would like a visit from the candidate, oh fuck no anything but that. All sorts of underhand tricks are employed by hacks on street stalls, a classic is the baby pushing routine. Unsuspecting mother approaches stall pushing her little darling in the three in one buggy bought by her over bearing mother in law. She slows down because the fuckin stall is blocking a portion of the pavement and then they have you, one of the hacks bends down to kid on he is smiling at the toddler while his co hack puts stickers all over the buggy and thursts leaflets into the poor mothers hand who only wants to get past and has in the past written to her elected officials asking that something be done about the fuckin shity state of the pavements which have fucked the shock absorbers on her three in one buggy but has never had a reply but now at that very moment is the center of attention for the hacks.

Another trick is to nab a corner site blocking off all avenues of escape so you have to do a u turn to get away from the bastards. Super glue your letterbox so it’s impossible to squeeze anything through it or better still get a Beware of the dog sign for your gate or door. Install a state of the art security system with infra red cameras giving you advanced warning of the dreaded canvassers coming to your door. Do the DIY you have been promising for years to do, take up mountain climbing for a couple of weeks but watch out a party hack doesn’t jump out at you from underneath a rock asking for your vote.

You could treat yourself to one of Ben your honour McPherson’s truly awful Facebook videos which would make sticking your wet fingers into a socket seem pleasurable. Oops can’t say that not allowed to have a view of opinion if you are a member of the SNP unless it’s the same as the ones that are handed down from the great and the good, becoming a right bunch of bullying back stabbing bastards and we have that in writing.

So enjoy your days of avoidance and hope you don’t get caught in the minefield of street stalls coming to a deprived estate near you.

Revised Odds

Friends and readers.

Short post to bring you up to date with the latest odds on who will win the Edinburgh and Northern Leith Constituency and be returned to the all inclusive plus expenses club of Westminster.

Diedre cobber Brock 11/10 against

Iain Iv’e had a job McGill 5/2 against

Gordon the snake Munro 9/2 against

And a fun punt if you fancy. 100,000/1 Cammy squint tie Day to replace Gordon the snake Munro who might step down to spend more time reading Pilton Sucks.

The rest are just in it to make up the numbers and we offer 100/1 against

These odds are of course subject to fluctuation, and you can’t have an each way bet, fuck off to Ladbrokes if you want that, with Sucks it’s win only.

Radio Rental

Friends and readers.

Just about two weeks or so till the General Election and and what the media is telling us is the crowning of half shut May and her gangsters to heap further misery on the plebs. They don’t even bother to hide the fact that they will screw the punters till they scream, unless of course you have an off shore account somewhere with all the tax dodging cash you have shunted away, then of course you are a friend of the ruling classes.

For the rest of us mere mortals it’s bread and water and be thankful you are even getting that. By the way of an interesting observation from last nights Scottish leaders debate, apart from pit bull Davidson being the most distasteful of individuals, someone should have told dead loss Dugdale to ease up on the make up, she looked like a banshee and screamed like one, but performed better than she did previously.

Of course the question on everyone’s lips or the anoraks at least down in the urban conurbations of North Edinburgh, is where’s Diedre. Why on the radio of course, something she has a great face for. Not known for her energetic campaigning as viewed by her ever expanding ass our Diedre is taking the conspicuous route back to Westminster, stand still and I can still win as the others will be to busy trying to steal vote’s from each other. With her campaign flat lining and no-where to go there is a sense in the cobber Brock camp that getting returned with a reduced majority would be a success and we suppose that’s right, any type of win will do.

No doubt cobber and her team of wise men oops sorry people all three of them will be going for the quick hit distribution company style. Saturate the constituency with glossies paid for by other peoples cash and show that you are battling hard for the punters. Cobber tells us that she has helped thousands of people since being elected, that’s obviously a bit of a porkie but sounds good if not a little ridiculous. Heh but who reads the shit that comes through the door wrapped up in takeaway menus and Aldi bargains.

Rumour has it that you can purchase a cobber doll from ARGOS and the batteries last forever as the doll barely moves, and it’s on offer as a buy one get as many as you like free. But cobber is the bookies favourite although her odds have lengthened a tad. She’s such an unpleasant character, think it’s a natural talent she has, that it’s a surprise anyone comes out to work in the campaign, but then again the football season is finished and you can always record Songs Of Praise. Between herself and Ben your honour MacPherson they have we understand tried to make the Constituency association party in their own image along with Benny Boys side kick Lisa know all Clarke. They certainly don’t know their history, Labour tried that trick and look what has happened to them, it’s on a wall written somewhere.

But a contest there is and Iain Iv’e had a job McGill the Tory dude is pushing hard against what has to be said are tasty looking poll numbers, but it’s a heavy door to open but that won’t stop our Iain from trying to kick it down. Our Iain has had a wee punt on himself, he likes the occasional wager judging by his visits to Mussleburgh race course and he fancies his chances of going the distance and pushing cobber Brock to the wire. He’s concentrating his campaign looking to catch punters that are fed up with talk of independence referendums, although the Tories have spoken more about independence than the SNP have, he still thinks there is some votes in it and he may be right. It would be something of a minor miracle if our Iain won but he did try and change water into wine at one time but no luck so he bought a bottle of the good stuff instead kidding everyone on he had managed to change water into Tesco’s finest plonk. The trick is Iain take the label off first which is exactly the mistake he has made in his glossies, concentrating on a might be referendum instead of the issues that face the punters of North Edinburgh, slipped up there Iain my old son.

But let us not forget the other serious challenger Gogsie the snake Munro and his dwindling band of soldiers of Socialism. What is Gogsie concentrating on apart from trying to dance to Madness records. Haven’t heard or seen much of Gogsie nor has any of his literature if indeed he has any flooding the Constituency. Surly Gogsie can’t just be a paper candidate relying on disenchanted SNP supporters in a constituency which Labour used to regard as their own property until Prada Hinds came along and fucked that up as well. Surely Gogsie is trying to put up some sort of fight and at least the pretence of a battling campaign. But after years of getting rid of good people to build the constituency in their own image, hope your reading this Benny boy, they now have, well just the echos of years ago when North Edinburgh was a sea of red until a few tossers tried to grab it all for themselves and eventually lost the lot, hope your reading this Benny boy.

Where is Gogsies’s army, the comrades in arms, the disciples of progress, the soldiers of Socialism, the woolly jerseyed Guardian readers all but gone vanished into the racing section of the Daily record and the big crossword in the Sunday Mail, hoping that the revolution passes them by and they can reminisce about the days of the smoke filled rooms and the Social Workers and Teachers that dominated Leith Labour Party and eventually destroyed it, now it’s Lawyers and armchair experts that hold sway but if they are not very careful and don’t allow debate to flourish and allow the few to dominate the party then the SNP are heading for oblivion as well but by then these punters will have jumped ship leaving it to sink with just the rank and file left, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

So come on Gogsie don’t let the side down there was a proud tradition of Labour domination and insider dealing in North Edinburgh, funding your own pet projects filling them with your own people, and then like the sleeper awakes come election time wake them up from their well paid grant funded jobs and mobilise them to get the vote out. It worked for years until you were caught out with the Fairer Scotland Fund, now there is nothing but memories of what was and what might never be again. Labour are a treacherous bunch not much different from other political cabals, but Labour had it in their corrupt hands and let it slip through the factors of ignorance, greed and sheer complacency, hope your reading this Benny Boy.

Keep going Gogsie, you cannot bring back the years of corrupt practices we all remember so well and fondly, you cannot reach out to the sleepers the party once had on their payroll, but you can fight for something, make it up if you can’t find anything to fight for, but for fucks sake don’t lie down and let Iain iv’e had a job McGill and Diedre cobber Brock walk all over you. Chances are Gogsie boy if you are humped on June 8th back to the Council for you and the leadership of Cammy squint tie Day and oblivion on the back benches, or worse still vice Convener to Tricky Dickie on the rabbit counting on the Pentland hills Committee.

Popeye Luvs Olive

Friends and readers.

Forget Brexit, forget that the Tories will fuck with your pension, forget that the Tories will make you pay while allowing corporate crime to go off the scale, forget that the NHS will be toast under half shut May and her bunch of psychopaths, as this and more social genocide will happen should you be stupid enough to vote for this bunch of wasters on June 8th. It is shameful that people are being brainwashed by the media most of whom have a Tory bias, and even more shameful that the media have made this election into a Corbyn-May contest, it is much much more than that.

It’s about your very quality of life, and the ability to live in a country which will be run purely for those that can afford to live in it. The Tories have conned and lied their way into a poll lead, coupled with the constant personal attacks on labour leader Corbyn led by the off shore owners of the Tory biased newspapers we have an election that many are saying is decided before a ballot has been cast. We are being led like lambs to the slaughter and then cooked on the Tory barbecue of more austerity and the stripping back to the bone of the welfare state, and still they are bookies favourites, what’s going wrong.

The Tories hate the working classes and the poor, they can’t stand you they never have, but still many are saying they will vote Tory because May comes across as a strong leader, she’s is anything but, half shut May is a soundbite politician who has wangled her way into a position of having potentially a big majority to bring about damnation on the very people she proposes to support. Surely by now voters must see that anybody who has a real job and earns a modest salary will be crucified, while the tax dodging elite will be lauded and worshipped. For those who have no job and little prospect of one be prepared to take a further beating and kicked till you bleed.

We could be about to enter a new and sinister form of Government, almost a form of dictatorship which will reduce many to real poverty while those just on the breadline will be plunged into a world of work till you drop while your pension is robbed and your state entitlement will be thanks but no thanks. The door of salvation will be shut firmly in your face and then and only then will you realise what you have done but by then it will be to late and the forces of social destruction will be fully armed with their weapons trained firmly on you for which you will have no defence, and you will have voted for it. If half shut May and her worshippers of wealth are elected then there can be nothing but turmoil and heartache for many many people in this Country.

The chattering classes can postulate all they want about this policy and that policy, it matters not for on June 9th and a Tory victory, if you haven’t got a nuclear bunker stocked to the brim then your plain and simply fucked. Everything you and the generations before you fought for will begin to vanish, it’s already started, the pace will quicken should half shut May get back to Downing Street. No lie is to small to tell the voting public, no lie is to big to deceive the voting public, this lot have a glint of up yours in their eyes and by God they will truly stick it right up you till your eyes water, they will steal the milk out of your tea then come back for the sugar and tell you it’s all in your interests, yeh course it is.

Don’t believe a word they say, we know it’s hard to believe what any politician tells you but this lot are serial liars and will make Jack the Ripper look like a saint. We already have the creeping virus of pit bull Davidson and her smug numbness, she brings out the very worse in people or should do. She changes her tune more often than most punters change their knickers, but because she shouts a lot then her voice is heard making her out to be some sort of wireless megaphone, Jesus she is unbearable. Don’t do it, don’t vote Tory unless you have a death wish, don’t vote Tory unless you want to be shit on, but most of all don’t vote Tory if you have any feeling for your Community or Country. DON’T DO IT.

The Pin Cushion Of Life

Friends and readers.

As you quietly try and complete the Sunday Mail crossword and try and win a hundred quid, we hanker back to the good old days of Spot the Ball which our favourite paper the Evening News used to run. No fucker ever won it and you could have filled the competition square with crosses and still you wouldn’t have won. Where the fuck was the ball.

Now there is a new competition about to be debuted and it’s called spot the honest candidate, especially for the election just to add a bit of fun in what is other wise the same old shit being churned out. First up for the new competition is our good friend Diedre Cobber Brock. You are allowed up to 100 x’s and you have to spot cobber doing something constructive for the Constituency, more chance of winning on spot the ball but never mind it’s all good clean fun and all monies raised goes to the retirement home for bent politicians.

All the candidates will get a chance to be x marks the spot and the winner of the competition gets a signed photo of the candidate of their choice. Well with a prize like that don’t think there will be an avalanche of entries but worth a go, although Sucks won’t be entering we already know the where the candidates will be or at least the winning candidate will be, hot footing it to Westminster plus expenses and shoving two fingers up to the mug punter voters, nothing new there then.

Nobody wanted this election as most of the new intake thought they had their feet under the taxpayers table for 5 years but half shut May caught them on the hoof, and now they have to get back on the campaign trial they thought they had left behind for the all inclusive club of Westminster. Troops have got to be mustered, and although battle hardened from the recent Council Elections, might find it hard to be enthused for yet more days and nights of mundane campaigning. The candidates have to motivate their troops with promises of good things done and more to come, yet it seems to be more of a damp squib and the troops are rebelling and mutiny is in the air.

The soldiers of Socialism have had to endure painful kick in the ass loses with the possibility of more to come so their enthusiasm will be low to say the least and dead loss Dugdale does not inspire, the woman is a walking disaster and the worst TV performer of all time, doesn’t make her a bad person of course but should Labour lose all of the one seat they have in Scotland coupled with the disastrous Council results dead loss Dugdale is toast, the burnt kind.

Ruthie pit bull Davidson on the other hand is on a high the legal kind of course and is to thick to know any better, so with as much charm as a Tarantula is marching across Scotland with a nothing to lose mentality and a crate of real Ale to wash down the boar and chips she so loves. Ruthie is relentless in her pigheadedness and forgets half the time what she said minutes after she has said it so changes her tune more often than not. Pit bull is a play ground bully who can only get away with it when she has her minions behind her other wise she is what would have been called at one time, the bully of the wash house.

Then comes oor Willie spend a penny Rennie, who looks and sounds like a little boy lost. Oor Willie is a type of cartoon character, for those of a certain age they will remember the Road Runner, for those that don’t you have never lived. Oor Willie is the road runner always getting out foxed and tossed to one side. Oor Willie sounds like a baby in a pram that’s just lost it’s dummy and starts to greet until some punter gives him something to suck, or in Willie’s case a new tie, Cammy could help him out there he has plenty but they are all squint, bit like the Lib-Dem policies.

Enter wee Nickie frae Govan, the teeny terror who demands obedience and total loyalty our you are oot. It’s wee Nickie’s way or no way at all and whoa betide any MSP or MP who has a mind of their own or worse still an opinion. You can be a crook or a thief but as long as you agree with wee Nickie then you are okay, till it’s obvious that you have become a liability, then you are ditched with no blame attached to the great leader herself. Wee Nickie has ridden on the crest of a wave plus a shit Labour party and a bunch of list Tory MSP’s but cracks are appearing and should as the polls predict she loses a few seats then murmurs of discontent may rise up. If she loses heavily then it’s the long good buy for wee Nickie but then becomes the possibility of the Hydra called Shepherd, but that’s just the nightmare scenario.

So dear friends there is a summary you won’t read in the papers or see on your TV set, but the reality is one or more of these party leaders will be doing the resignation Waltz come June 9th, or who knows maybe all of them, or greed being what it is none of them.

The Silk Road

Friends and readers.

So Frankie fingers Ross is the new Lord Provost plus expenses, let’s hope he is better in his new role than he was as Economic Development Convener, allowing corrupt officials to have their own way. Fingers Ross was an officials dream especially the corrupt lot this City seems to be blessed with. Hope your memory is better Frankie and you don’t forget to publish any other wee dodge you are up to.

Meanwhile over in sunny Edinburgh Northern and Leith It seems our pal Diedre cobber Brock has her first glossy out and with a bit of airbrushing to boot, eh cobber. Rumour has it that Cobber, the dreadful torn face Cherry and Pinocchio Shepherd would not win any popularity contests and all three seats are being heavily targeted, none of these three offensive individuals would be missed, but they are what you have so let the fun commence.

Cherry is a complete clod hopper but licked ass all the way to being selected, and if current comments are anything to go by totally useless. Pinocchio Shepherd, once a favoured child of the comrades is nothing more than, quote ” a chancer” and that coming from one of his own inner chosen few, even Wee Nickie realises he is a monumental chancer who has conned his way to a constituency seat. And then comes cobber Brock, oh dear cobber Brock. Defending a reasonable majority and lucky she is otherwise it would be almost certainly by by cobber, she must be considered a good bet to retain the seat, but with a much smaller bunch of independenties to do the work this time round, as she manages to alienate people by her mere presence. We spoke to a respected journalist, yes there is such a thing, who thinks that on current trends cobber should get back in but with a tiny majority, although there is still time left for her to alienate even more people and lose on the nod.

We have seen a copy of a private poll commissioned by the Lib-Dems which shows cobber losing her majority and the seat going to the Tories, think that would make you want to vote just to keep that lot out, no offence Iain, It’s not that you have not got it, it’s just you have never had it, apply for your old job back at the post office. Clearly that poll has been heavily pushed towards tactical voting, and if there is a high turnout in this constituency that could very well be the case. Cobber Brock has a handful of chosen flunky’s to wipe her ass while the rest of the foot soldiers are mere leaflet fodder and then to be ditched win or lose.

While all this is going on in SNP land what of the soldiers of Socialism or whats left of them over at Gogsie the snake Munro’s besieged camp. Yes the drawbridge is up and the castle ramparts are mocked up to look like there is a lot of punters but in reality Leith Labour party is just that a party where there are very few guests and nowhere to host it. Great shame really as Gogsie will run a best as you can campaign with a handful of disciples only the Judas in this lot are the mug punter voters who will sell Gogsie out for cobbers thirty pieces of silver, most if not all of it she has demanded from the local ward Branches.

But stranger things have happened and Sucks gets info from the strangest of places and the most unlikely of sources, and we are reliably told that there are several senior SNP punters that would not cry into their Porridge Oats should cobber lose, it’s felt her lack of any kind of personality is a detriment to holding the Constituency long term, of course we could not possibly comment could we?

But in the end the voters will have their way and one of the lucky 5 will be elected to Westminster plus expenses. It’s a hard choice but if Sucks were put on the spot and our lives depended on it, then we would rather have cobber re-elected but with our bottom lip bitten, than the dreadful Cherry over in the South of the City or the chancer Pinocchio Shepherd in the East of the City, but it’s Hobsons’s choice really, as we don’t give a fuck because they don’t either.