Friends and readers.
The party conference season is in full swing with Lib Dem leader Vince calamity Cable proclaiming himself the Prime Minister in waiting, only problem is he will be waiting a long time. Mind you the Lib Dems have managed to claw back a bit of support winning a few seats at the General Election so hang on possibly the present key holder of 10 downing street may give them a Billion or two to for their support, not that she would do that would she?
UKIP, who? have a new leader, sorry folks haven’t a clue who it is, don’t suppose anybody cares bunch of wankers, in fact that could be their new slogan, NOBODY PULLS TOGETHER BETTER THAN UKIP, could be a vote winner, or at least a laugh.
Labour have led the way with the bad singing at their conference anointing Jeremy Corbyn as their one and only leader, well that’s until they decide to have yet another leadership election. The comrades clapped and clapped until they were clapped out [every pun intended] and cheered every time someone flushed the toilet which meant at least the shit didn’t stay at the conference, well not all of it. The comrades didn’t want a debate on Brexit or did they no-one was quite sure until the leadership made it clear, yes we support Bexit but we want access to the single market and the Customs Union, but we know we can’t but that dosen’t stop us saying it because the more we say it the more confusing it becomes, WE’ll KEEP THE CONFUSION FLYING HERE, beats the red flag or whatever colour it is now.
Never mind Labour are on a roll and did anyone spot our favourite socialist Cammy squint tie Day doing the highland fling on the conference floor, he just heard that his deputy in the City Chambers Adam head scratcher McVey has decided to install a plaque honouring the fact that even with a depleted group in the Chambers Labour are firmly back in charge, WE’ll KEEP THE TRAM EXTENSION FLYING HERE, doesn’t quite have the same ring as the red flag but hey who gives a toss.
The Tories and fellow back stabbers are gathering for their annual bash and we all thought that they would be applying for Southern Irish passports just in case. Have I Got News For You will have a field day with this lot, and with half shut May all but a prisoner of the loony right then we the viewers could be in for a real laugh. Lining up to decapitate her or offering their total support which means the same thing these loony tuners will be singing anything but Stand By Me, only half shut May will be doing that. Boris basher Johnston is salivating at the possibility of leadership along with his new best friend, you know the tosser who worked it up him at the previous leadership election Micheal treacherous Grove who fancies the keys to the hoose next door so he can further run the economy into the ground and make poverty and homelessness and all the other delights that the Tories revel in the order of the day. Who votes for these horrible bastards.
Then of course and very soon it will be the turn of her majesty herself to totter on to the platform and bathe in the reverence of the gathered flock, that’s after all the decisions have been taken behind closed doors or before the conference starts. Yes dear friends the SNP conference is about to begin and we hear the Leith clique have booked a bullet proof mini bus with don’t blame us written on the side to transport themselves to conference. Ben your honour McPherson offered to drive but pulled out remembering that his back would be facing the clique and you know what that lot are like for backs. Yes wee Nippy will play to the crowd saying all the right things and meaning none of them, and while the yessers wail for another referendum Nippy regards them as a pain in her independent ass, but needs to keep them happy, so it will be a referendum, yes folks another one, but in a time of her choosing, so that’s that then, back to passing resolutions about Fracking and clique building which we understand there will be training on for the up and coming cliquers, how about that then guys and gals, how to organise a clique, possible facebook photo opportunity for leading light in the Leith clique Ben your honour McPherson and his small band of camp followers.
But the party of Scotland, all of it or just a part of it? will crow about how they have put Scotland first, should fuckin hope so, and how they are leading the fight to stay in the single market so the EU can still control things like our fishing waters, isn’t that why the Tories won all those seats in that neck of the woods or was that just a coincidence, never mind Nippy is on the case and will fight Scotland’s corner, the bit just north of Dingwall. We think that a conference winner could be the Pinocchio Sheppherd groupie Councillors like Kate clueless Campbell and Ellie flighty Bird holding hands for a sing song, WE’LL KEEP THE PINOCCHIO SHEPPHERD FLAG FLYING HERE, doesn’t have quite the ring of the traditional version but hey who gives a fuck. Might put head scratcher McVey’s nose out of joint but maybe he will be to busy admiring the kilts of the Tartan Tory element of the party to be bothered with silly songs as he already dances to Cammy squint tie Days tune.
Electric buses, electric cars, electronic voting and electric shocks to wake us all up as the SNP conference delivers homage to the Murrells or at least one of them as wee Nickie will be to busy writing her application for a Southern Irish passport citing the fact that we could well be fucked leaving the EU and that she could better serve Scottish interests by pissing off to pasture green.
Yes friends and readers the party of Scotland is getting together to question what the fuck are we actually doing apart from blaming everyone else for stuff we should be doing. There will be adenments to the amendments and composites to the composites all designed to confuse the delegates and accuse the BBC of biased. Yep it’s the BBC’s fault that the referendum was lost, and yes they can be blamed for another referendum being put on the back burner till it’s a chard ember, and while the delegates are enjoying each others company they can blame the BBC for not changing their name to union loving taxpayer funded broadcasting association, but that would have to be composited, wouldn’t it.