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Roll Your Own.

Friends and readers.

It’s almost budget time for Edinburgh City Council and we are sure that all the honourable members are doing their best not only to set a fair budget but to avoid listening to over paid fat cat officials who have an agenda of their own. As always there are many claims on the budget and as always not enough candy to go round. As with all local authorities there are pressures on the finances and difficult decisions will have to be made.

8 million quid to date spent on a tram inquiry surely puts any thoughts of an extension on the back burner for a while, if you say it quickly it doesn’t hurt as much but what the fuck has 8 million quid been spent on, lawyers fees and staff costs, it’s a fuckin small industry, where some punters are doing very nicely out of thank you very much. 8 million quid and not a guilty party in sight, told you so.

What an expensive sideshow when it’s possible that some services to the Communities might well be cut come budget day. We can all play the blame game when it comes to fingering who carry’s the can when services get cut. Motorist’s as always will get fleeced they are an easy target and present a simple way of raising revenue, maybe motorists should all go on strike and down keys and stop being used as cash cows. That fantasy aside Councils are faced with a tricky balancing act to provide services to hungry Communities who are fed up with being fucked over and taxed for the pleasure of it.

However you cut the cake it will always be the poorer areas who get humped historically it always has been so there will be no change there. No doubt some members will be worried about the effect any cuts may have on the wards they represent and we hope they use the voice they were elected to use in the defence of their wards, that’s if they know were they are or even stay in them which most of them don’t.

Budget consultations [there's that word again] have been doing the rounds, are they effective, only as effective as the amount of punters who take part, and are they listened to, who knows, in the greater scheme of things probably not, but then those that take part know that anyway but live in hope. Policing, education, health and social care all big money eaters but very important. Policing as is the case raises emotions almost to fever pitch as nobody who lives in an inner city housing estate believes that crime is on the decrease, quite the opposite particularly if you have been a victim of crime. So here’s a thought reduce the war on the motorist which wastes resources, certainly when we now have the big brother data bases to trap and catch these master criminals, and use the resource to do proper policing not use them as revenue raisers. Why is it that the police can’t chase those scumbags who steal motorbikes yet they can chase and harass car owners, stop them at will and ask for proof of ownership or tell them that their windscreen washer is out of water or charge them with having a duff brake light, simply ludicrous but a revenue raiser and a complete and utter waste of police resources, but easy work with little effort required.

Education and Health probably the two most important factors in your life for without either we are all up shit creek. Bottomless pits that constantly need filling but impossible to fill, how do Councils square that circle. Central Government talk a good game but are not delivering thereby leaving Councils to pick up the tab and take the flak. We have a large number of high earning officials within Edinburgh City Council and no doubt other Councils are plagued with them as well, they are not elected to make policy but to serve at the pleasure of the elected members, but that clearly doesn’t happen and in Edinburgh in particular we are witness to many high earning officials who do what exactly, nobody knows and we the mug punter voter certainly see no benefit for these over paid fat cat officials.

Set against the back drop of service provision being cut and more jobs threatened, but not the jobs of the fat cat over paid officials a budget has to be set and made to seem fair. The poorer areas of Edinburgh and there are a few despite a desperation to hide that fact and present Edinburgh as a City for the jet setting party lovers, will as usual come out worse in any Budget reductions, suppose this is inevitable given they receive the most funding, or do they? something to think about when you remove the waffle from the reality. Political Party’s and Labour in particular have long regarded the poorer areas as their domain using them as voting fodder and then dumping them just as quick, be careful that the new kids on the block the SNP don’t fall into the same trap allowing Labour dominated Community projects to pull the wool over their eyes and continue with a jobs for the boys policy. The politicians in the North of the City, cobber Brock, your honour McPherson, have in reality done nothing to alleviate this problem and are just relying on Labours current unpopularity to ensure their own election. The local Council elections produced two SNP councillors in flighty Bird and Knowledge Gordon, with squint tie Day elected for Labour and tweeds and plus fours Campbell for the Tories. Will they make any difference to the area they represent, who knows but with squint tie Day and Knowledge Gordon we have two experienced individuals who know the ropes and who the chancers are, don’t think plus fours Campbell cares as his support lies firmly in the leafy suburbs of Trinity and flighty Bird well providence has dealt a bad hand again to that ward and not for the first time.

This has been repeated across the City and we have stale mate or coalition as it’s politely called. So a reasonable settled budget is on the cards once the horse trading is over and both sides see sense and don’t pay heed to over paid fat cat officials. Those who live in the more deprived areas will continue to fight over a shrinking cake with those that are favoured getting a bigger slice, and the politicians who choose to head nod at these chancers are selling the Community short, we are told that Forth ward has a head nodder extraordinaire who at every meeting they attend just nod their head even when it’s clearly wrong, we will let you work out who it is for yourselves.

Edinburgh is not just a City for those who come to enjoy the City Centre party throwing and hopefully there will be a levy to ensure that the whole City benefits from festival fever not just the great and the good. Advertising on Council owned buildings is a sure fire revenue raiser, we suggest increasing the fine for fly tipping to £5000 and why not as again it’s the poorest areas that suffer this scourge the most, those that allow their dogs to shit on the pavements and not pick it up should have the same fine imposed and once again this happens the most in poorer areas. Local Community’s should be consulted[there's that fuckin word again] on what they see as prioritises, they won’t be listened to that’s a cert but still it should happen, although there within lies danger as it will be those that shout the loudest and the most that get heard, you know the punters with an opinion on everything go to almost every meeting just to hear their own voice, every Community has one[there's always one isn't there]so maybe not such a good idea best use the Community Councils as forums for that at least the punter with the opinion on everything won’t be the only voice heard.

Make a start on getting void houses back into the market, far to many Council houses lie empty for to long, when a little investment could have them back up and running and producing a rental for the City, get these lazy fuckin officials to produce a list of unoccupied Council housing, in this day and age there should be none. Section 75′s must be enforced and the money spent on local Community infrastructure and not just a donation for a fuckin park bench or shit like that. The planning process has to be simplified and made far more accountable than it is, and it appears we have the right person at the helm for that, let us hope he is not drowned by lazy inefficient corrupt officials who want the status quo.

So all in all Budget setting is a complicated process and a tricky balancing act, and it needs sure footed trapeze artists to make sure nobody falls off or there is no safety net. Won’t be long now.

Pride Of The Fleet.

Friends and readers.

We hear that our sporting pals at Spartans are looking to expand their interests at Wardie playing fields. Anything that gets people active has got to be a good move and on the face of it this plan has potential. Newly crowned Emperor Craig Graham the current Chair will be aware or should be that Community consultation on this plan is a must otherwise Craigie boy and his pals might just run into trouble.

The great and the good will have to lay out their plans to a some what sceptical Community and convince the plebeians that they tend to be inclusive, something that we hear on the grapevine up to now has not been the case with only a few members of the board in the know while the others are kept in the dark, sounds like an old pals act tut tut.

Spartans has been good for the North of Edinburgh and their facility is excellent and on the face of it well run, but the rumour of discontent coming from some members of the board persists and that if true has to be addressed. It cannot be a one man band otherwise rumours may grow into substance and plans for expansion could well hit the buffers.

Pilton Sucks does not have access to any board papers but if the powers that be were to speak to all the board members and not just the Emperors chosen few then they might well hear other opinions contrary to the party line. We had a look at their web site which is very informative and easy on the eye but there was a glaring omission, why was there no view from the Community reps, there are Community reps on the board, we checked and yet no view from them, we find that strange and yet they have Community Academy in their title.

Pilton Sucks is a supporter of Spartans both on and off the field and their ethos is correct but their publicity machine is a disaster area with very few maybe apart from the great and the good knowing what they do, that’s a huge weakness and again we say there are Community reps on the board but they appear to be voiceless, could that be because they are only window dressing, we certainly hope not.

Spartans have Community status that’s pretty obvious yet no Community voice from within the board seems to be heard, that can’t be correct and we are sure that it won’t go unnoticed.

Spartans play a big part in the Community they are based within and that we think is a very positive thing. We feel that plans for expansion at Wardie playing fields has merit unlike the rumoured alternative school, but we need to hear more about the Community angle and we need to hear more from the Community reps who it would seem are kept as far out of the loop as possible. Judging from what we know Emperor Graham has a lot of experience within the board but it seems he only has time for one or two, that dear friends may come back to haunt him.

Liberation Of The Potted Plant

Friends and readers.

What do you think of when you hear the word consultation, fills you with dread doesn’t it. It’s used as a sentence filler when all seems lost, yes let’s consult, sounds like something you do in a dingy windowless backroom then pronounce the result, bit like getting the minutes of the next meeting as you leave the room. Has anybody ever met anyone who has actually been consulted about anything, thought not, it’s the mirage in the desert that you run to only to find when you get there it was just a manufactured illusion.

The big dodge with consulting is the consulters and the issues which are being consulted on, keep reading it gets even more exciting, usually commissioned by those who know how to play the system and get the desired result without actually doing anything, that’s the mirage bit. The consultees, the mug punters that’s us are merely the pawns in an elaborate con trick which takes place without us even being aware we have been had, follow so far, thought not, and that’s the holy grail, talk about it wax lyrically about it but let’s not wet ourselves or fall over ourselves to do to much in the way of talking to the mug punters.

If any of you have had the misfortune to listen to senior officers of the Council yap about consultation while boring you to death about something they don’t want you to really understand and thereby keep any decision making to themselves and if you manage to stay awake then you will hear consultation mentioned on several occasions and the more they say it the less they want it, as if they actually did carry out a proper consultation the chances are they would not get the result they wanted in the first place and they would actually have to do a bit of work, something that is like Dracula in daylight to them.

We know this is not the most exciting entertaining post that Sucks has come up with but that’s the point, talk about consultation, talk about the necessity to consult the mug punters but for Gods sake give it a miss. The beauty about senior Council officers and their mantra is simple, why use one word when ten thousand words will kill your spirit and make you wish you had stayed at home and watched the Jeremy Kyle show. Don’t make it simple as it makes them look and feel important and indispensable for their fat salary’s. Complicate it as much as possible leaving the assembled audience scratching their asses in bewilderment and frightened to say anything just in case you are publicly dismantled and made to feel suicidal.

Use abbreviations whenever possible as it fucks with the punters heads who have to kid on they know what it means as they are to fearful to ask just in case they are reduced to tears by the sycophantic fat cat official. But like a bad cold it’s catching and we all end up doing it just to sound as if we know what we are talking about and can have one up on the poor bastards that haven’t a clue what the fuck is going on, shuffling in their chairs and looking at the clock on the wall hoping it moves just that little bit faster so they can get out and take a deep breath of the slightly polluted night air.

The smug look of satisfaction on the face of the senior officer is a picture of content as not only have they managed to fuck with everyone’s head including the punter who has an opinion on everything, and every meeting has one of them, but they have killed the dreaded consultation stone dead as no-one in the room has the will to live except of course the punter who has an opinion on everything, and just loves the sound of their own voice, which helps kill the spirit of the meeting which was dull to start with but as soon as the punter who has an opinion on everything opens his trap for the umpteenth time the rest of the punters switch off unless they are part of the gang and encourage this imbecile to rant on about nothing, and of course the senior official who just eats it up knowing full well that the punter who has an opinion on everything is not only a 24 carat wanker but is unwittingly a partner in crime to the senior official who wants exactly what the punter with the opinion on everything has done colluded in killing stone dead any real consultation except their own views.

Many a good scheme has been binned using consultation as the excuse or reason, the real reason is the senior official didn’t want it or his contractor pals on the preferred contractor list might have to actually do the job properly and give best value which they don’t and the punter with the opinion on everything or more commonly known as the bully of the wash house and his wee gang have managed with the help of the Chair who has long since gone to sleep dreaming of consultation by the pool side, destroyed the meeting with inane comments and the constant interruptions.

That dear friends is how it’s done, the punter with the opinion on everything who turns up to the opening of an envelop is in reality the standard bearer for the senior official or Neighbourhood manager, he does what the manager can’t do interfere elsewhere, although they do try, and with their opinions on everything just wear punters down and nobody stops them because it’s easier not to. Weak Chairs are a godsend to the punter with an opinion on everything, as they just butt in not bothering to go through the chair thereby stamping their authority all over the meeting and destroying the ethos of the whole thing. They do what the senior official would like to do.

We all have them, so next time you are at a meeting listen for the punter who has an opinion on everything and watch the Chairs reaction, if they do nothing then all is lost, and the tone is set and the mouth piece is off and running. If you are looking for this punter you won’t have to wait long as they show their hand very early on just to make their presence felt. If the mouth piece chairs the meeting then stay at home as the floor show will be a one man/woman band.

So forget consultation if the punter with the opinion on everything is involved then it will be Jerry mandered and if required the minute of the meeting doctored to suit.

If you are nodding your head after reading this post then you have experienced this manifestation of democracy and consultation, and you will know the very punter we write of, if not then it’s you.

How Would You Vote Now.

Friends and readers.

Leaving the European Union has the potential to be disastrous for our Economy and damage the living standards of our citizens. Sucks supported staying in the EU even with all it’s weaknesses but being out in the cold may prove to be a lot worse. Yes it may be a bunch of unelected faceless bureaucrats that are perceived to run things and yes it didn’t always get it right, but you stay in the club and fight for change within it not run away moaning about how badly we are off and how our country is flooded with immigrants who are taking over.

Those that led the exit campaign are comfortably well off enough not to worry about the financial repercussions of a hard Brexit or any other kind of Brexit. So have a read at the article below and ponder how you might vote now in the light of what is unfolding in front of us.

If the UK were to leave the EU with no deal, it would have to fall back on ‘World Trade Organisation (WTO) rules’. This means that Scottish businesses would be required to pay WTO-level tariffs on goods and services exported to EU countries.

While the UK is already a member of the WTO, it would need all other WTO members to agree on how it will take on the rights and obligations which it has formally taken as part of the EU.

This process would need to be completed before the UK is assured of its rights to access other WTO members’ markets. However, these negotiations cannot begin until the EU “exit” negotiations are concluded.

Economic impact:

A reduction in Scottish GDP of 8.5 per cent by 2030 or £12.7 billion in cash terms, compared to EU membership
A 3 per cent reduction in employment, around 80,000 jobs, according to the Fraser of Allander Institute
A reduction in real disposable income of 9.6 per cent by 2030

A ‘Canada type’ deal

The European Commission has already made clear that, if the UK government’s ‘red lines’ remain in place, the only deal that could be achieved is one similar to the EU/Canada free trade deal – outside of the Single Market and Customs Union.

The Canadian deal removes some barriers to trade but took seven years to be agreed and is far from comprehensive. For example, Canadian financial services firms do not benefit from ‘passporting’ that would allow them to trade with countries in the EU.

Economic impact:

A reduction in Scottish GDP of 6.1 per cent by 2030 or £9 billion in cash terms, compared to EU membership.
A reduction in real disposable income of 7.4 per cent by 2030.

Staying in the Single Market

Being in the Single Market gives Scottish businesses unfettered access to a market of around 500 million consumers. The aim of the Single Market, put simply, is to make it as easy to trade between Edinburgh and Dusseldorf as it is between Edinburgh and Dundee.

Through membership of the EEA, countries like Norway are outside of the EU but retain many of the benefits of EU membership.

Economic impact:

A reduction of Scottish GDP of 2.70 per cent by 2030 or £4 billion in cash terms, compared to EU membership.
A reduction in real disposable income of 1.40% by 2030.

Why is staying in the Single Market the least damaging outcome?

The analysis confirms that if we are to mitigate the impact of Brexit we must stay in the Single Market and Customs Union. If the UK were to remain in the Single Market, Scotland’s GDP would be £8.7 billion higher than leaving the EU with no deal.

Staying in the Single Market would ensure that Scottish businesses can continue to trade tariff-free across a market of around 500 million consumers. In 2015, Scottish exports to the EU were estimated to make up 43 per cent of Scotland’s international exports. And analysis by the NIESR think-tank has found that staying in the Single Market could avoid a 60 per cent decline in UK exports to the European Economic Area.

Through Single Market membership Scotland will also continue to benefit from freedom of movement. With an aging population and all growth in our working age population over the next 25 years expected to come from migration, the continued contribution of EU citizens to Scotland is vital. In fact, on average, each additional EU citizen contributes £10,400 in tax every year – supporting our NHS and other vital services.

Don’t let you Country down, it’s not to late to reverse this dreadful decision, we have to think of the generations to come and what kind of impact being sidelined will have on this nation and it’s future inhabitants.

Swindlers, Frauds and Thieves

Friends and readers.

They changed the rules to protect their bonuses in case of collapse. The chairman was former PM Cameron’s ”corporate responsibility” adviser. CEO paid himself more than £6 million in 5 years and while the company was sliding down the tubes he trousered more than a million quid towards his retirement.

The board have pocketed more than £12 million since 2012. Taxpayers money was siphoned off straight into their pockets. This is CARILLON and that is the reality.

Breaking it down. Former finance chief Richard Adam got a million pound package in 2016 and has collected £6.5 million since 2009. Chairman Philip Green copped £215,000 in 2016 and £193,000 in 2015. Carillon will continue to pay chief executive Richard Howson a salary of £660,000 till October 2018 plus £28,000 in benefits.

This is massive fraud by any other name and these creatures must be made accountable for their deceit and thieving.

Former finance chief Zafar Khan who has left the company gets £450,000 in base salary for 12 months. Interim chief executive Keith Cochran will be paid his £750,000 salary until July but he left the company in February.

This organisation run by these criminals have several major projects in Scotland including Aberdeen’s new £745 million bypass and a £23 million platform extension at Edinburgh’s Waverley.

This mess friends and readers is a stark warning to Westminster, Holyrood and local authorities about the privatistion of public services.
While these greedy thieving fuckers at the top of this organisation have been stealing from the taxpayer hundreds of ordinary workers many who probably have families will be wondering how to pay bills and mortgages in February.

We have previously warned our own City Council about the preferred contractors system which is wide open to abuse and certainly does not give best value, maybe now they might take a serious look at this policy, and change it.

it is hard to imagine fraud on this scale and right in front of their Tory pals, although we did go through the mess that Goodwin left the Royal Bank Of Scotland in, and he managed to run off with his pension pot intact leaving the taxpayers to clean up his mess. No criminal charges were ever brought against Goodwin and he almost brought the Country to it’s knees.

It’s almost certain no criminal charges will be brought against the thieves of Carillion and they will slide off back to the rocks they crawled out from under rubbing their greedy hands together. Once again the people witness corporate fraud and once again on a massive scale and once again the taxpayers may have to foot part of the bill.

Peoples lives and jobs will now be affected but not the greedy fuckers who stole taxpayers money, no they get off scott free to enjoy their stolen loot. These bastards should be in a fairer world not allowed to gain from failure, be made to return all the money they have stolen and their assets sold off to repay some of the debt and charged with fraud and embezzlement, but they won’t it’s easier to fuck up the ordinary worker, it’s easier to penalise them, it always is.

Nothing Done.

Friends and readers.

Some time ago we covered the Cameron House Community Centre scandal and the corrupt practices at play. Now our friends over at the Evening News tell us that there was over £150,000 work on the building without it being tendered for. Now Sucks is nor known for pulling it’s punches and certainly not on this occasion, some fucker got a bung, is that clear enough.

We named City official Peter huffy Watton as the clown who issued a completion certificate when the building was neither complete or safe, and yet he gets off scott free, no doubt blaming some other poor bastard further down the food chain. We named the now retired Mike the fraud Rosendale as another chancer who got off scott free plus a golden handshake for his part in this travesty. Both part of a Council which was given the title of the most corrupt Council in the country.

Officials running wild doing as they please unaccountable to in some cases inexperienced Councillors and in other cases complicit with them. We called for a full investigation into the Sue three jobs Bruce era citing evidence which wasn’t even glanced at, and now we have the invisible Andy pale face kerr and his side kick Paul sleekit Lawrence, yes friends Edinburgh is open for business.

Now that Burns, Hinds and co have departed the scene there is an opportunity to make officials accountable for their actions, no one voted for them yet they can thwart policy at will, take the localities as an example, whereby delaying what was official policy backed by the Scottish Government these faceless overpaid nonentities managed with a little help from the Tories and the treacherous Greens to stop it in it’s tracks, and who was chiefly responsible, yes friends sleekit Lawrence side kick of Chief pale face Kerr.

If the Evening News wants to do a bit of investigative journalism and not just a mouth piece then just ask our old pal and News columnist Steve jambo Cardownie, it’s a cert he knows where all the skeletons are buried, he had his own personal spade.

Time To Tax

Friends and readers.

Our old mate Gavin nee naw Barrie Convener of Economic Development makes a good point about the rip off costs of staying in Edinburgh over Hogmany. Upwards of £300 pounds a night to enjoy the delights of the City’s Hogmany bash and we add not a penny piece to the City coffers. Gav is just a sentence off saying a bedroom tax would be appropriate in these rip off circumstances.

We want to attract punters to come and visit our City what we don’t want is them going away feeling they were ripped off, we need them to be leaving with what Cleopatra said to Mark Antony, IF YOU LIKED IT TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

The City is entitled to make a buck or two out of the event with the money hopefully being reinvested in the City making it even more attractive to visit. But if you just look a little closer it’s not just the hotels that are ripping people off, everything from the greasy burger stall to the greedy pub landlords look to screw the punter for as much as they can get.

Of course all the ready made excuses are churned out but the exercise in ripping the punters off is a practised art at this time of the year. The introduction of a local, let’s call it a City dividend over the festive period would inject more cash into the City coffers something that is always needed. The £1 a head bedroom tax in some instances is laughable given the profiteering that goes on so a closer examination of what hotels and guest houses are charging or in this case over charging would help set a more realistic dividend for the City. But not only the rip off hotels must come into this equation but all the festive robbers should be made to pay a dividend to the City, set by how much they overcharge the visiting mug punter.

There is no doubt that the Hogmany bash generates income for the City but they too are being ripped off by knowingly allowing this profiteering to go on. The obvious argument is what can we do, but if you don’t try then you won’t know. Task a few over paid fat cat officials to prepare a paper which looks at the ways Edinburgh and it’s citizens can maximise it’s income while still looking to improve it’s image to the visitor.

It only take a few punters to complain about being ripped off for it to escalate into a damage limitation exercise.

Out With A Bang

Friends and readers.

2018 is upon us and all to play for yet again. The squibs went off good style and not a sign of the Hogmany stalwart Jackie plastic Bird, she was otherwise occupied being miserable in sunny Glasgow clearly wishing she was somewhere else, but hey the moneys good so mixing with the punters is a price our Jackie had to pay.

Over on STV was something that went beyond rubbish, a revamped version of the worst television show in living memory Thingamajig, so bad it made riveting viewing, there are few words to describe how bad this was, made standing in princess street freezing your bollocks off with somebody pissing in your pocket seem like a pleasant evening even at £25 quid a pop.

It will be interesting to see the final figure minus Underbelly’s cut, but if the City benefits then good job.

Edinburgh’s Hogmany shows the City in good light and with the event going off without a hitch then it was a good advertisement for the City so well done to all involved. The same can’t be said for the trash offered to the viewing punter on STV, what a disaster and badly staged managed as well. Brought back memory’s of the bad old days when the visiting punter should they have had a TV in their hotel room or the stay at home punter switched on to see the Gay Gordons [that's a dance friends] or the Dashing White corporal or is it sergeant recorded in July for viewing on Hogmany.

Once again STV bought the cheap seats while the BBC even with the party animal Jackie plastic Bird looking like misery personified gave the viewing punter an enjoyable evening going between the two main gigs in Edinburgh and Glasgow. All in all the BBC saved Scotland’s skin and may well pay dividends in tourist bucks.

For the rest Xmas TV was worse than shit and many would have prayed for the Great Escape to be slotted in such was the crap that was dished up, not everybody has the money pit of SKY TV to view the latest drivel on offer. Forgettable comes to mind but we did get the Wizard of Oz, that yellow brick road must have more cracks and potholes than the pavements and streets of Auld Reekie. We did get an omnibus edition of the Antiques road trip and if we see another of these smug bastards crowing on about how much this or that is worth we will throw our imitation silver plated ash tray at the fuckin TV screen.

You could buy a bumper edition of the TV or Radio Times which falls apart after a couple of thumb throughs even the staples that hold them together are shit, to select which of the repeated delights to watch. If you had freeview on your flat screen HD TV then you would have had even more channels of shit to choose from, three days of carry on films is more than anyone can take plus the umpteenth repeat of Minder or the professionals. You really had to search to find something that was not a repeat and you knew things were bad when the Xmas edition of Songs Of Praise started to look attractive.

The usual James Bond films which are mildly entertaining even if you have seen them a few times, at least they offered sanctuary for a couple of hours. If watching the Royal family walking to church is your thing then we were treated to it several times with the mug punters who queue up to flag wave desperate to get a glimpse of the new royal bride to be, exciting eh, made a family Xmas dinner seem digestible. We had the usual Morcambe and Wise clips but at least they are funny and stand the test of time.

Then came the great gong giveaway with the great and the good getting knighted or dame hooded or whatever it’s called with a smattering of gongs for the underlings just to show the elite are in touch with the common punter. Nick Clegg getting a Knighthood took some swallowing but after all he and his mob propped up the ruling class so it’s the least they can do.

So it’s almost back to reality and the usual shit on TV, nice to see some things never change.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Keep Smiling

Friends and readers.

We at Pilton Sucks have been wondering about our mate Lewis smiler Ritchie. Councillor smiler had as you will all remember taken leave of absence from his Council duties due to a health issue, well that’s what we were told anyway so we know it probably wasn’t that which led to smilers sudden departure. As a leading light in the SNP leith clique smiler was made convener of Planning a role which he was not shall we say suited for and several blunders later he was on his bike to recuperate.

Well what a pleasant surprise it was when we heard that smiler seemingly fully recovered from whatever mysterious ailment he had suffered from was spotted in his colourful Lycra outfit at the gym within the Scottish Parliament fighting fit and doing the brown nose jive. On further investigation we were delighted to hear that smiler has been a regular at said gym and was now able to brown nose whilst working out.

So we take it that the City Chambers could well have smiler back in rude health soon, and we bet Adam head scratcher McVey will be delighted about that. Our mate Adam may well have to juggle a few balls in the air when welcoming smiler back to the fold given he will know the real reason smiler done a runner.

Rumours are abound about why smiler downed tools and decided to spend more time down the gym brown nosing and keeping fit of course but you know what rumours are 90% true 10% probably.

So as new year is almost on us and the Hogmany party in Princess Street gets geared up for that super duper Jackie Bird free jamboree [she's in Glasgow instead thank god] we can all toast smilers return to health but with a slightly browner nose.

On The Nose.

Friends and readers.

We have a result for the much sought after prat of the year award. With our old pal and legend in her own lunch time Lesley Prada Hinds retiring undefeated, she was always going to be a hard act to follow. But having had all the votes independently counted and verified the result is as follows.

There were 331 votes cast we also had 17 votes which were ineligible.

In third place polling 33 votes was Willie community socialist Black.

In second place polling 91 votes was Tommy Pinocchio Sheppherd.

In first place polling 94 votes winning by a small margin of three after a recount was Ellie flighty Bird.

Congratulations to our new prat of the year champion after a keenly fought contest.

The remaining 113 votes were distributed between the other nominees.

So that’s it for another year folks, our festive contest is over with a new champ crowned by a couple of whiskers.