Friends and readers.
What do you think of when you hear the word consultation, fills you with dread doesn’t it. It’s used as a sentence filler when all seems lost, yes let’s consult, sounds like something you do in a dingy windowless backroom then pronounce the result, bit like getting the minutes of the next meeting as you leave the room. Has anybody ever met anyone who has actually been consulted about anything, thought not, it’s the mirage in the desert that you run to only to find when you get there it was just a manufactured illusion.
The big dodge with consulting is the consulters and the issues which are being consulted on, keep reading it gets even more exciting, usually commissioned by those who know how to play the system and get the desired result without actually doing anything, that’s the mirage bit. The consultees, the mug punters that’s us are merely the pawns in an elaborate con trick which takes place without us even being aware we have been had, follow so far, thought not, and that’s the holy grail, talk about it wax lyrically about it but let’s not wet ourselves or fall over ourselves to do to much in the way of talking to the mug punters.
If any of you have had the misfortune to listen to senior officers of the Council yap about consultation while boring you to death about something they don’t want you to really understand and thereby keep any decision making to themselves and if you manage to stay awake then you will hear consultation mentioned on several occasions and the more they say it the less they want it, as if they actually did carry out a proper consultation the chances are they would not get the result they wanted in the first place and they would actually have to do a bit of work, something that is like Dracula in daylight to them.
We know this is not the most exciting entertaining post that Sucks has come up with but that’s the point, talk about consultation, talk about the necessity to consult the mug punters but for Gods sake give it a miss. The beauty about senior Council officers and their mantra is simple, why use one word when ten thousand words will kill your spirit and make you wish you had stayed at home and watched the Jeremy Kyle show. Don’t make it simple as it makes them look and feel important and indispensable for their fat salary’s. Complicate it as much as possible leaving the assembled audience scratching their asses in bewilderment and frightened to say anything just in case you are publicly dismantled and made to feel suicidal.
Use abbreviations whenever possible as it fucks with the punters heads who have to kid on they know what it means as they are to fearful to ask just in case they are reduced to tears by the sycophantic fat cat official. But like a bad cold it’s catching and we all end up doing it just to sound as if we know what we are talking about and can have one up on the poor bastards that haven’t a clue what the fuck is going on, shuffling in their chairs and looking at the clock on the wall hoping it moves just that little bit faster so they can get out and take a deep breath of the slightly polluted night air.
The smug look of satisfaction on the face of the senior officer is a picture of content as not only have they managed to fuck with everyone’s head including the punter who has an opinion on everything, and every meeting has one of them, but they have killed the dreaded consultation stone dead as no-one in the room has the will to live except of course the punter who has an opinion on everything, and just loves the sound of their own voice, which helps kill the spirit of the meeting which was dull to start with but as soon as the punter who has an opinion on everything opens his trap for the umpteenth time the rest of the punters switch off unless they are part of the gang and encourage this imbecile to rant on about nothing, and of course the senior official who just eats it up knowing full well that the punter who has an opinion on everything is not only a 24 carat wanker but is unwittingly a partner in crime to the senior official who wants exactly what the punter with the opinion on everything has done colluded in killing stone dead any real consultation except their own views.
Many a good scheme has been binned using consultation as the excuse or reason, the real reason is the senior official didn’t want it or his contractor pals on the preferred contractor list might have to actually do the job properly and give best value which they don’t and the punter with the opinion on everything or more commonly known as the bully of the wash house and his wee gang have managed with the help of the Chair who has long since gone to sleep dreaming of consultation by the pool side, destroyed the meeting with inane comments and the constant interruptions.
That dear friends is how it’s done, the punter with the opinion on everything who turns up to the opening of an envelop is in reality the standard bearer for the senior official or Neighbourhood manager, he does what the manager can’t do interfere elsewhere, although they do try, and with their opinions on everything just wear punters down and nobody stops them because it’s easier not to. Weak Chairs are a godsend to the punter with an opinion on everything, as they just butt in not bothering to go through the chair thereby stamping their authority all over the meeting and destroying the ethos of the whole thing. They do what the senior official would like to do.
We all have them, so next time you are at a meeting listen for the punter who has an opinion on everything and watch the Chairs reaction, if they do nothing then all is lost, and the tone is set and the mouth piece is off and running. If you are looking for this punter you won’t have to wait long as they show their hand very early on just to make their presence felt. If the mouth piece chairs the meeting then stay at home as the floor show will be a one man/woman band.
So forget consultation if the punter with the opinion on everything is involved then it will be Jerry mandered and if required the minute of the meeting doctored to suit.
If you are nodding your head after reading this post then you have experienced this manifestation of democracy and consultation, and you will know the very punter we write of, if not then it’s you.